I distantly remember
a phone call
that came last night
as I drifted in and out
of unfightable sleep
My Granddaughter...
She just came back
from her big trip
and had to see me
sitting here like this
before leaving again
to stay the night
anywhere but here...
and I remember the days
after I found out
I had cancer...
Waiting for her phone calls
not knowing if I would be alive
long enough to talk to her again...
But she is home
and here I am
alive...
just barely...
I hear her voice
and it seems so far away...
I don't remember...
Does she know I'm dying...?
Maybe I should try
to tell her myself...
But I can't...
I can't...
stay...
alert...
Goodnight honey...
~~~~~~~~~~
I can feel the life
slowly being taken out of me
and as I lay here dying
I feel Kayla's hand
pressed gently against mine...
And she is asking me...
"You do know I love you right?"
And I try to tell her yes...
I think I got it out...
Does she know
how much I love her...?
My daughter's still not here
she might not make it
into town in time
for me to tell her I love her too...
But right now
everything is so distant
even the pain is going away
slowly it is drifting away
as are my Grandchildren
slowly drifting into the other room
to sleep...
But I won't see them tomorrow...
So goodnight Chris
Goodnight Kayla
Goodnight...
~~~~~~~~~~
It is beautiful outside
and I am not in pain anymore
and I can think clearly now...
but I am looking at my family
crying in each other's arms
saying their last goodbyes
to my lifeless body...
and I can't stand
to see the pain
they are going through...
So I walk past all of them
heading out towards the summer day
and I start walking...
where I am headed
I do not know
but it's a nice day
and I feel like taking a walk...
Author notes
Definitely go easy on the critical comments on this...it's very personal...in case you can't tell, i am the granddaughter, and i went away for a 17 day trip this past august, terrified something was going to happen to my Grandpa while i was gone, (he wasn't feeling well) and I came home to see him dying...I called him from my friend's house (i stayed a friend's house by suggestion of my mom the night i got back) and he was so out of it, he asked how my trip was, twice in a row...and i think he tried to tell me he was diagnosed with cancer...then the next day he went into the hospital and died the day after that...so yeah...definitely go easy on the critical-ness of this k?...
kayla*
By the way, as soon as I saw this contest, i knew I had to write this...no matter how much hell it would put me through to write...thank you for this contest...
Written December 7th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- As I Lay Dying by as i lay dying.
250 points, ended December 11, 2003, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is a tear jerker, Kayla. It is so hard to lose grandparents, and you are so young. I am more than twice your age, and my grandpa is still around, even if he doesn't know my name
It is still comofrting to have him where I can put my arms around him, and I only hope I can be as brave as you when he does pass away.
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the way you work this piece is like a motion picture...the settings, the thoughts, the transformation of time in the mind.
I felt a trickle down my cheek upon the read of this piece, and that impact with words upon a reader is one thing strived for by the crafter of poetry.
Setting this as a first person write....where you take those thoughts and pen them as the person dying and not as you as one who saw and felt and wondered is very well brought to the page.
Well done and good luck on this piece.
WSD -
amazing
Well kayla this is the first time i have read one of your poems and i think that you have a real talent for writing.. this poem is amazing and it brings back a lot of memories for myself as well.. However I never met my grandfather.. I wish I did.. I hope that you are alright.. I know first hand that writing about things helps.. so hopefully this helped with your emotions.. I will read somemore of your work.. Great Job and Good Luck.. -
Hello Kayla!! that was a saaaaaad poem!!!! :'( Awww, I have lost both my grandpa's and a grandma.. so i only have one left and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I just wish she lived with me, I would never think about death or anything ever again becuase she makes me happy and she is like an angel..and I swear i feel her presence around me even though she lives far away,i know she's watching me every second of every minute of every day and so on!! She's there taking care of me,one of the emotions I wish i could feel with my mom but i dont think that will ever happen. Oh well back to you, great poem and I hope you are okay about this? becuase I don't want you thinking about doing anything to yourself over such a sad thing becuase death is serious and once you've lived it you see what you have done and wish that you didn't becuase you have missed out on soo much, i KNOW i haven't experianced death becuase HEY I am still here but sometimes when someone close to me dies i get these visions in my head and feel that pain and actully see myself dead and then when i get back to reality i realize that this life is much better and the goals i have in life i will never get to if i die now, so i should wait for the right time, and when will i know that right time? well i won't but when it happens i guess then i'll know and the time should be when i am older and have lived my dreams!!! so you keep high hopes and keep doing the things you love and keep up to you goals in life!! for example: stick with "ur bob"
.. he's really a good guy deep down and i know you already know it but hey just reminding you about the good things(Y)!!! well i better keep going becuase i am just being a loud chetterbox so talk to you later~!
Kepp Up The Good Write!!!
Latesss!!!!
-Confused and Scared- -
did I accidentally type something about it being my grandMA in this, cuz everyone keeps saying "she" ...it's about my Grandpa, not my Grandma...but thank you so much ihchicky for that lovely comment
and just to let you know...the 3 points in time, are veeeeeeeery close together lol, like, over a 3 day space 
one each day...thanks
kayla* -
Wow...This is truly very sad but also beautiful. I like the three points of time in which you captured. It made it a very heartfelt poem. I remember losing my grandma. It was horrible and I never got to say good bye. I hope you are coping with this alright. As you said in the last lines of the poem about the beautiful summer day she had walked into , i'm sure shes in a wonderful place just like that. Keep up the awesome writes!
*~ILISSA~* -
~ Beautiful write my dear and I remember when my grandma was passing~ She knew she had a short time to be here on this earth~ Big hugs 
to you and I commend you for writing this~Many need to hear~ Best wishes to you and your family~ Best wishes to you in the contest~Desire
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omg, I'm so sorry. I hope you are ok!
~blond chick -
O wow Kayla...that was so beautiful. I am lost for words!! I can't imagine how much pain this put you through.
Know that I am here for you!! And you're in my thoughts and prayers!!
Christine
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this is sad... I lost my Grandma when I was 7... it wasnt cancer we don't know what it was or at least I dont.
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Ohh wow Hart
. I'm so sorry about your grandpa. This is a wonderful write, I love it. We all lose loved ones, its a hard thing to cope with, but we have to remember God takes only the best, no matter how hard it is
This is reminding me about my friend/brother. My real brother wrote an essay about him dying. And in it he said "Only God takes the best". And that quote just brings back flashes of him, his smiles, his laugh, his presence, him and my brother always wrestling. I'm crying right now. But maybe its a good thing to be reminded of them, and cry a little.
This is a wonderful poem. Keep it up. Stay strong.
--{Reality}--
-Kami-
Edited on Dec 07, 3:58 p.m. because ''. -
Wow! Man, This was exactly what I wanted! I absolutely love it! It's so wonderful and just paints a vivid picture in my mind! I'm terribly sorry you had to go through this, as I did also. I can really relate to this in so many ways that it can't even be described. This was such an awesome poem! Thank you for entering and Good luck in the contest!
x tara x -
You really know how to touch the heart when you write. You give the images and gestures, and emotions to help people relate. This just broke my heart.
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uh joyce...this one's about my Grandpa...thank you so much for your lovely comfort words though, i really need them right now...
kayla* -
Wow tears you did a beautiful job writing all of these poems. Nice to see your words again. I know you loved her much. ((hugs)) Good luck with the contest.
Red
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