I am nothing, I am nobody,
A woman of invisibilty,
I am not who they want me to be,
so they refuse to see me.
Touched without feeling,
Felt without knowing,
Breathed in and breathed out,
Screaming without my voices shout.
Please, just let me know,
Which way I can go,
From this place that has me so low,
That my stunted heart refuses to grow.
Author notes
PLEASE WORKSHOP MY POEM
A contest entry
- THE WORKSHOP CONTEST-BIG POINTS!!!! by Amy Meneses.
1700 points, ended April 12, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a good start. I thing this should either be written with a more colloquial voice or a more poetic voice. The flip flop of tones in my opinion take away from this piece. I think this has a great Mya Angelou flow to this which is great. I think you can build on this a lot more though. I think this would work great if you pick up the rhythm of this and made it sound like a chat, as if you were yelling out like a vent. Good first draft.
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those first two stanzas were really strong in the imagery and words you use... something sadly i can relate to as well...
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