Painful part,
pardon my dismay
The death process is well on its way
I forgive myself for believing for so long,
that I am wrong, for being like this
Backwards out of bliss
I release the judgment that I am not important
Healing hands are needed here, it's urgent
The motion of the emotion is like a squeeze
Inverted carbon copies
Motionless agony
I vanquish the judgments that I must hate,
everything I didn't want to create,
everything I wish I was not,
every single unwanted thought
I have plead with these pain pressed parts,
for millenniums
Ebbing in the darkness that comes and comes
Convinced I lacked the right to live in light
Swallowing shadows and shades
Knowing only night
Fists in focus for the fight
I have mangled my own skin
Wore your denials with a grin
Sick of existing in sullen struggle
A bleeding heart damsel
Devil laced and docile
I forgive myself for believing for so long,
that I am so not strong
Strong enough to wade through twilight,
tragedy and boundless ache
Thought I might be too timid to wake,
to rise, to turn the capsize,
and brake
I release, I forgive
Vibration for what has never lived
Light for parts who haven't partaken,
in the fruits and frolic of the awakened
Breathe into breath
Liberate this dense death,
that lines the halls of my veinal walls
Hold my hand as false truth falls
I forgive myself for believing for so long,
that I violently don't belong
For writing myself off on the way down
I will wear acceptance like a gown
Love like a crown
I forgive, I live
Infinitely I live
A contest entry
- raw by lalaland024.
3006 points, ended April 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whats going on in your portals girls and boys?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
it's long, but interesting right up until the very end-very very indepth and wordy, which works- a very chilling and exciting piece-
thanks for entering -
This is great, it's very powerful, deep and has great flow.
-
whoah.
I wish I had words. and I don't want to mimic yours back to you. So I guess I'll leave you with this monosyllabic, "whoah!"
-
I release the judgment that I am not important
Healing hands are needed here, it's urgent
I liked this poem - sort of abstract, but powerful and well flowing. Usually long poems scare me but this was well done
Glad I got to read it!!!
-
i liked the imagery
cool beens
-
When the healing has begun.
Steppin out of the the latter days of denial.
There is a place for all spirits in the universe and beyond.
This was a rapture of awareness,
that your great internal power can fill any abyss or any other dark void in infinity.
Absolutely magic,
filled with power and wonderment.
BLESSINGS GYPSY,
INFINITELY BEAUTIFUL.
LOWELL POE
-
Very good
Your feelings seep out of your words and stoke the emotional fires alive within your verses. The conscious mind extends itself beyond our norms and we enter a world composed of reality defused with pain, bewilderment and confusion with a hint of anger and betrayal. I am captured by the images so skillfully developed by the author and the passion of the words move me. Your words gently take the reader to your private place where sanity can drift and unravel. This is a deep piece and it struggles with the feeling of helplessness, uncertainty and generates the power to forgive or at least to accepted your faults.
-
Intriguing!!
This is truly a wonderful piece, the wording and rhyming are fluent. I didn't stumble in the reading though not always recognizing the emotion of the poem. I think even your presentation (choice of background) is superb. I am still left with the slightess wonderment if this is a proclamations of forgiveness and will to live or the mere acceptance of what is, is. -
-
its a proclamation of forgiveness of what is AND with that a will to live. thanks for your comment and support. Glad you liked the background, I made it
-
-
This is well written and you can definitely tell that a lot of emotion went into this, and that's definitely to your credit-- a lot of people have trouble conveying emotion without it sounding maudlin.
There were definitely a few phrases that stuck with me-- particularly when you spoke of wearing "denials with a grin," which made me think of denials as physical, visible objects you wore on your face.
I only have a couple little criticisms. First, make sure you edit carefully and are consistent with your grammar and punctuation. This really wasn't bad, I just spotted a missing apostrophe here and a comma splice there.
Secondly, you might want to take out some unnecessary filler words. Again, not a big problem at all, but you used 'so' a lot in this poem. Using filler words like 'so' (and other small words like it) help keep the rhythm, but they also take away the tightness of a poem and the impact of great phrasing and imagery.
I apologize for the long critique, but I am but a lowly English major who thinks that constructive criticism is the best way to improve any piece of writing (including all of mine-- thank you, by the way for commenting on 'Body Language!).
-CJ
-
Pure emotion. A beautiful write.
-
looks like a lot of healing going on
interesting write
good luck in the contest
-
-
you better believe it! thanks
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
