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I am colorful life

As I gaze the stars
beneath a moonlit sky,
colors dance and whirl
and life mirrors echo.

Am I alone
in carousel wheels of time?

Am I an illusion?
Who am I?

Being echoed pasts
and mimicked future
I’m never alone.

Future cocoons me.

I dance like a robot
and acrobatically
spin in earthy life.

Infinity calls
and beautified horizons
lure me to join always.

I am colorful life.
I am timeless.
I chime.
I rhyme.

Author notes

The Prompt: "Timeless"
"Finalist"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Florida Sunshine
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My official review of your poem in the contest. Because this is a 'final' contest, I am feel I should be as strict as I can be in looking over every aspect of the poetry presented. I have never claimed to be an expert in any of the categories, however I have been learning a great deal over the last few months. Not only did I want to challenge you [the poet] but myself as a judge.

    Below I've made the ruling/score in regards to the points. If you disagree with any of my reasoning please 'reply' to the comment made – with “Challenge” and explain where you feel my assessment is wrong, if I agree with your argument I will change the score. I'm never to proud to admit when I'm wrong. If I feel I am still correct I will bring in a 2nd judge to make the final decision to a change. This final judge will be through my grammar group.

    Your Scores:

    Finalist -- 10/10 points - Congrats for making the final option round. I'm glad you decided to submit a piece.

    Use of Prompt - 25/25 Points – Timeless – I feel as this is a riddle, if I don't know the answer to the question I will explode into pieces. -- But I 'think' I got it... YOU are TIME! ~ I loved it, what a fun use of the prompt.

    Poetic Form – 20/20 points – This is regards to the actual structure of the poem. It appeared to me you have written this using an 'abstract' style 'Free Verse.' Your write carried me through wanting to know what was coming next ~ as you twisted your words. Nice job!

    Use of Grammar - 8/10 Points – I did make note of the possibility run-on sentence. Now, the way I understand it is, similar to “I ate peanut butter and jelly and chips for lunch.” The reason this is allowed is because peanut butter and jelly seem to always go together. Now does dancing and whirling go together too, as I've shown a sentence structured similar to your 1st stanza. Poetically, my answer is yes. I wanted to put this in, so anyone else going through reading others comments would know I did see 'and' and 'and' within the same sentence. They could also see why I did not take off for it. However, in several of your stanzas you have past tense form with present tense form.

    Spelling - 10/10 points - Perfect!

    Overall Presentation 20/25 points – The background and fonts are a nice compliment to the poetry you've penned. I do realize not everyone has the ability to make custom background. Because, your poem is lively and vibrant I feel the choice you've made is the correct one. The entire piece excites and ignites the reader. You've found a poetic way to make the reader 'think.'

    Your total score is 93

    I do appreciate your participation. It was a welcome pleasure to read and review your work. I think you did a terrific job! I loved this

    Best of luck to you,
    Florida Sunshine