i don't
run fingers through her hair
inhale deeply
take it all in
the winds of march
tallest grasses
oh how she loves the rain
rain down upon me
not arousal's perfume
simply home
deepest
fragrant
cascading
brownness
earthen shades
eden unfurled
long have i been
lost
forever
forever
humbly
deliriously
and now
likewise
otherwise
completely
lost
tragically so
not a care in absentia
i see no circles approaching
upon
fire-bellied hulks
luminous
shapeless
incoherent streaks
rain down
just like
torrential twilight
falling tides
the taste of salt
until finally
the feeling has stopped
unlike
age-old elation
wistfully discarded
peripherally
unseen or perhaps
indomitable
the halo of the moon now sleeps in the dust
holy rings
muted
subdued
there were two
purest white
tainted umbra still remember the words
forever
forever
i glowed too
last night
when we didn't make love
weren't reckless
and vulnerable
ah and the tingling
she spoke not at all
shooting stars absconded
no lips graced her neck
nor her lush satin skin
no longer naked before me
and my eager hands
ecstasy of touch
white heat
revelry aflame
that was the meaning of whole
no
erstwhile
forever
perhaps the flames of something else
perhaps no flames at all
perhaps love has overflowed
perhaps it's been leaking
delirious
i hurtle
into the abyss
resplendence
numbed
to featureless blur
broken lines
stream swiftly
past the corner of my eye
i admire them in hindsight
still remember the words
rain down upon me
forever
forever
and
fondly
adoringly
she doesn't
smile back
In a list
A contest entry
- Invite For... HM winners Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended April 7, 46 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! II by Nam.
1750 points, ended June 8, 122 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by hiraeth.
300 points, ended August 2, 127 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Say stuff.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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sigh... lol
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I forgot how good you were.. you know.. but of course .. having no memory as I do.. lol this can be considered entirely normal, and in a strange way refreshing as about every six months I rediscover the world..
You are so good with negatives, and this reads like ...well it's hard to say exactly.. it's uniquely you.
luminous
shapeless
incoherent streaks
in just that little piece I see, rain, tears, stars, aurora, color, light....I could go on...
I won't
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I still really love this poem, although I think I loved the original version more. You have changed it a bit, no? Not sure if my perception is just altered with time, or there are some things that worked better before. I think the "forever, forever" lines were more prominent in the previous version, and that's what resonated so fondly with this reader, anyway.
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"into the abyss" - is around the time I thought this poem was ending but then it continued on for a few more breaths. A bit long, in such regard.
A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
This is amazingly incredibly stunningly painfully beautiful.
And normally I would have something more constructive to say. See what you've done to my English?
stay sick.
xx Sin -
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Thank you!
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I absolutely adored this. Its sadly perfect. your creativity was great and I could feel it. I love this
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Sadly I understand this...I don't mean your poem is sad, on the contrary, I enjoyed it immensely, but I understand it, the "taste of salt" and the feeling of loss, incredulity and that "she doesn't smile back." And this is how we should write of heartache, what I mean is, make it art, make it about literature, not just a broken heart, you know those poems, not to pick on them, people have a right to write what they feel, but those aren't art, just "crying."
This deserves a better, more indepth review, but time is short and I'm ill-equipped (having only half a brain)
I will return to read more poems (I know people say that and never do, If I don't send out a posse, lol) off to work now, if I get fired I don't eat, and I live to eat.
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wow. well-written and evocative. (my comments would be more in-depth, but i'm sleepy!) only criticism: lost my interest because it seemed too long. the quality is great. it's just that it's long.
however- once again- that could just be beacuse i'm sleepy!
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This just makes me feel sad and alone...The title brought back memories I'd forgotten, for I've driven I-95 in long stretches many times and sometimes lost myself in reveries and tears...not a favorite of mine, this one...Peace, Rhonda
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JustBe
WOnderful job great imagery don't like how its all spaced out though but that don't hurt the judging of this. Thanks for entering i wish you the best of luck
don't forget to check the other 4 contest for your name
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lovly<3
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