i don't
run fingers through her hair
inhale deeply
take it all in
the winds of march
tallest grasses
oh how she loves the rain
rain down upon me
not arousal's perfume
simply home
deepest
fragrant
cascading
brownness
earthen shades
eden unfurled
long have i been
lost
forever
forever
humbly
deliriously
and now
likewise
otherwise
completely
lost
tragically so
not a care in absentia
i see no circles approaching
upon
fire-bellied hulks
luminous
shapeless
incoherent streaks
rain down
just like
torrential twilight
falling tides
the taste of salt
blessedly incessant
until finally
the feeling has stopped
unlike
age-old elation
wistfully discarded
peripherally
unseen or perhaps
indomitable
the halo of the moon now sleeps in the dust
holy rings
muted
subdued
there were two
purest white tainted umbra still remember the words
forever
forever
i glowed too
last night
when we didn't make love
weren't reckless
and vulnerable
ah and the tingling
she spoke not at all
shooting stars absconded
no lips graced her neck
nor her lush satin skin
no longer naked before me
and my eager hands
ecstasy of touch
white heat
revelry aflame
that was the meaning of whole
no
erstwhile
forever
perhaps the flames of something else
perhaps no flames at all
perhaps love has overflowed
perhaps it's been leaking
delirious
i hurtle
into the abyss
resplendence
numbed
to featureless blur
broken lines
stream swiftly
past the corner of my eye
i admire them in hindsight
still remember the words
rain down upon me
forever
forever
and
fondly
adoringly
she doesn't
smile back
Author notes
Written in my head at age 29 as I drove away from the home I would never again share with my former wife in a car packed full of my things, down a rainy, midnight stretch of I-95 lit by oncoming headlights. I first fell in love with her when I was 13 years old.
For me the irregular spacing format allows happy memories of things like wedding vows and the smell of her hair to commingle on the page with heart-breaking reality in a way that evokes the shocked, quasi-detached, contemplative, everywhere sadness that I felt.
This all hit paper in one sitting - and pretty much exactly as-is - when I arrived at my then-new apartment.
A contest entry
- Invite For... HM winners Judged by RedwingSpirit.
475 points, ended April 7, 2008, 46 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abstract Options For Bizarre Poets xD by KyleBerg.
1750 points, ended October 8, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Say stuff.
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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"Say stuff" he sez. Yeahhh, right.
Damn, Morgan.
Ummm, I loved your formatting.
The poem is stellar. Stunningly so.
What else. Oh, yeah. Please enter my contest. Forthwith.
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Wow this is very good, especially with not much editing. I'm very sorry for your loss, its always hard to move away from something famillar to something new and strange.
However back to the poem
This really pulled me in and helped me feel your emotion! I love the sensory language about her hair. Great write! I can't wait to read more from you in the future.
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a very impressive write, thank you for entering
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This has touched way down deep,
your word choice, the meandering soulfelt ambience.this is just magnificent,,so darn clever it took my breath
bravo i salute you my poet friend
T
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i liked it especially your authors notes after. it definitely explains the format, which makes it much better.
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god!! your brilliant!!
teach me how to right!! please!! lol
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This is very well written, though it is a lot to drink in. Thank you very much for entering my contest.
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Goodness, Morgan.
I don't kow what to say. First of all, there's the format. It was interesting at first, but easy to get through. As the poem went on, however, it grew more and more chaotic - just as your thoughts and emotions would in this circumstance.
Then, the words. Oh, the words, the words. That's all. Just oh. Said slowly and softly, with longing.
And then the explanation in your author's notes. That brought tears, first because it's sad, second because I've been in that situation also.
In my opinion, Morgan, this is quite simply a masterpiece. Thank you.
Cynthia
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I am so happy that you are reading my poems. You are honest about your reactions, make useful observations, and validate the things I have felt in days past, when I was really in a difficult place. And it is really nice to feel appreciated, too. That kind of input is the very best kind there is, and I am truly thankful. I will be considering your input seriously in future editing.
Best,
Morgan
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LOVED IT!
Morgan, I haven't been on the site much of late due to a huge change/shift within and without of my world. From time to time I return, noticing you online I clicked onto your profile and on to this poetry.
As always, you have never left me disappointed when I have stumbled upon your work. I loved the alliteration and the spaces in between. Both sides actually felt to me as if I was there in the moment with you doing the contemplation and rolling those memories around as if they were in my head.
A Masterpiece of Feelings,
and poetic form.
It should have won Gold.
That's my opinion though
Blessings to you,
~Joy
aka Playfulpassion
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I haven't been on here much until pretty recently myself, and even recently, "much" means "more than one hour weekly." So it's kind of fortuitous that we've crossed paths.
Anyway, thank you so much for your compliments. This poem is one that seems to leave about 50% of people touched and about 50% of people lost in its spacing format. I can't change the spacing, so I'm glad to see you are in the former group. For me it reads just like the experience felt, and that is still much more important to me than any other standard, despite all of my efforts at editing my work to make it better rendered.
The poem is actually older than this post (first posted February 2006), because I yanked it last year to submit for publication in print journals. No dice so far, and I decided that what's most important to me is not the recognition of well-positioned academics anyway (which would still be nice), but rather that the poems get read. So back to AP it went as a pre-write. As I recall, it won a trophy or two when I posted it previously, but despite that it is an extremely powerful piece of work for me personally, it has never seemed to have as broad an appeal as some of my more popular poems.
I pretty much always write about life, and the writing that I call poems has largely happened during periods when writing seemed like the only chance I had to turn what I felt into something real. (The ex practiced violent suppression/manipulation tactics when it came to my feelings.)
Why am I saying all of this? Because I appreciate that you took the time to read and respond to this poem in particular. It does me good to know that people can relate to it. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to become a better poet, but I doubt I would ever make it in a "pure art" environment like an MFA program. I am a scientist by training, and AP is the only schooling I've ever had as a poet outside of K-12 Language Arts classes. I can appreciate the work of Charles Bukowski, ee cummings, William Carlos Williams, Pablo Neruda, etc., etc., now, but I'd never heard of any of them when I first sat down to write, and in honesty, I can't think of any poet who has significantly influenced me as a writer. Poems take me a long time, and I never know when or what I will write. Lately (i.e. for more than a year now), no words come to me, and I can't write at all. I really miss it, and keep hoping that if I continue editing these old ones I've written long enough, inspiration will return to me. That's not the point, though.
The point is that almost everything I have posted here documents some important moment in my life, and this poem relates to some of the worst pain I have ever experienced. I appreciate any kind of response to what I write, and I am a huge fan of critical input, but that doesn't alter in the least the fact that what I really want is to know there are people out there who can read what I wrote, feel what went into it, and respond honestly. Hearing how it strikes people helps me to heal and grow as a person. I am not sure what would have happened to me if I had not found AP right before things got really bad. I am in much better shape now, but the tendency of readers not to get this poem has been tough to take at times. So I am really thankful that you did get it, and that you saw fit to tell me about it.
Hope these big life changes you speak of have been good ones.
Best,
Morgan
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Fantastic.
Awesome work.
Your page use is fantastic. Your feelings need not be explained, just awesome.
Ta. -
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Thank you for your compliments. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
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I like how you left the spaces and why you left them it had a good impact but it did make it a little hard to read. It had a lot of thought and feeling in it that jsut amazed me but at the same time seemed kind of all over the place.
But over all this was a very heart wrenching and effective poem. It amazed me.
Thanks for entering! -
There are some great, truthful moments in here. I left Connecticut on I-95 almost 20 years ago as my marriage was dying and drove onto I-80 and back to the mid-west so I can feel this. I thought the style was a bit too distracting at times and made me stop to find the next line. Otherwise, I think you hit the mark.
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this is kinda umm...different..but i like it and i live right by 1 95 lol
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different ... but?
"Different" is almost a compliment all by itself. I don't know that I believe in absolute truths, but it seems to me that most often, art is either different or boring. So if, in your judgment, I've achieved "different" here, I suppose that's one person who seems not to have found it boring.
Thank you for reading.
~Morgan
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This is interesting...I'm not sure what to say about it. The spacing does work here, even if it is a little confusing for those who do not share your memories. Very good, just a little sad.
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I do appreciate the purpose that the spacing had, and it did work very well in that respect.. but personally it made it a little hard for me to focus on the actual story.. as if it was a little over-done. But with that said, i still loved it The descriptive words are spectacular and so well-chosen.
What you say in your AN is right, this poem does suit my contest (abstract) and i would not ask you to change it to another poem.
The most striking part of this poem, to me, was the repetition of 'forever' down the side -- that was very clever, as was the whole poem actually.
Thank you for this beautiful entry into my contest, and best of luck
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sigh... lol
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I forgot how good you were.. you know.. but of course .. having no memory as I do.. lol this can be considered entirely normal, and in a strange way refreshing as about every six months I rediscover the world..
You are so good with negatives, and this reads like ...well it's hard to say exactly.. it's uniquely you.
luminous
shapeless
incoherent streaks
in just that little piece I see, rain, tears, stars, aurora, color, light....I could go on...
I won't
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I still really love this poem, although I think I loved the original version more. You have changed it a bit, no? Not sure if my perception is just altered with time, or there are some things that worked better before. I think the "forever, forever" lines were more prominent in the previous version, and that's what resonated so fondly with this reader, anyway.
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"into the abyss" - is around the time I thought this poem was ending but then it continued on for a few more breaths. A bit long, in such regard.
A nice poem that you have written here.
-Nam -
This is amazingly incredibly stunningly painfully beautiful.
And normally I would have something more constructive to say. See what you've done to my English?
stay sick.
xx Sin -
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Thank you!
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I absolutely adored this. Its sadly perfect. your creativity was great and I could feel it. I love this
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Sadly I understand this...I don't mean your poem is sad, on the contrary, I enjoyed it immensely, but I understand it, the "taste of salt" and the feeling of loss, incredulity and that "she doesn't smile back." And this is how we should write of heartache, what I mean is, make it art, make it about literature, not just a broken heart, you know those poems, not to pick on them, people have a right to write what they feel, but those aren't art, just "crying."
This deserves a better, more indepth review, but time is short and I'm ill-equipped (having only half a brain)
I will return to read more poems (I know people say that and never do, If I don't send out a posse, lol) off to work now, if I get fired I don't eat, and I live to eat.
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wow. well-written and evocative. (my comments would be more in-depth, but i'm sleepy!) only criticism: lost my interest because it seemed too long. the quality is great. it's just that it's long.
however- once again- that could just be beacuse i'm sleepy!
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This just makes me feel sad and alone...The title brought back memories I'd forgotten, for I've driven I-95 in long stretches many times and sometimes lost myself in reveries and tears...not a favorite of mine, this one...Peace, Rhonda
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JustBe
WOnderful job great imagery don't like how its all spaced out though but that don't hurt the judging of this. Thanks for entering i wish you the best of luck
don't forget to check the other 4 contest for your name 
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lovly<3
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