Electricity accelerates through the veins,
Out of nowhere, speed of light and sound,
Surging around, making way to the heart,
Where it stops and hesitates,
A moment of thought,
Where it waits,
It debates,
How much you can take,
Whether you will wither under the strain,
Whether you will cringe and break,
Or adduce that you are stronger,
Defeating this irrational fear,
Finally putting it in its place.
Sparks rush towards the heart, jumpstarts,
Pressuring it to beat ten times faster,
Like piercing water, the blood turns cold,
An electric shock, uncontrolled,
Soars through the body,
Reverberates in the ears.
You watch with dismay,
As your whole world falls away,
Right before your sorry eyes.
Author notes
Your thoughts please?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You certainly made me feel this.
I wish you well in the contest -
an extraordinary write.
Love, Lane
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Beautiful
The opening is equisitte! (sp?)
The way you surged in those words makes the whole peice flow with a beautiful, lightning like quality that holds my eyes till the end.
I also liked these lines the very best
An electric shock, uncontrolled,
Soars through the body,
it is so wonderfully written, I can feel every syllable
Bravo! Thanks for sharing!
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this is a really powerful write and has a nice dark tone and a really good flow. great write.
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A poem about both sides of the spectrum, be strong or give up. Great job here!
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this is a very powerful piece it flowed very well..good job :-)
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I like it! Nice and powerful.. it sounds like a free style or something lol. It's got a nice dark tone, and a great rithem. but I agree sorry eyes doesn't go with the rest of the mood... if you could reword that you would be set!
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Great word choice and flow. The ending could be improved a bit. The phrase "sorry eyes" sticks out in an otherwise well done piece.
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This is very descriptive and well written. I love it. great write.
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