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When All Fails





In conscience deep, with wrong intent,
And success you can't represent,
Where tears are lost, yet you still weep,
In wrong intent, and conscience deep.

Forlorn disguise, that breaks your heart,
Where fall itself can break apart.
There are no truths, just fatal lies,
What breaks your heart? Forlorn disguise.

Stained in regret, forged in my soul,
Provoked so that I can't be whole.
Recall, collect, don't you forget,
Forged in my soul, is stained regret.

Utter misuse of complex dreams,
Misunderstood, or so it seems,
As passions die; verbal abuse,
Complex dreams of utter misuse,

Restricted plea; the loser's crown,
Constructed so you will fall down.
Plotting their scheme, why can't you see,
The loser's crown; restricted plea.

So now we end this routined game,
Because, my love, you're not the same.
You want this too, so don't pretend,
This routined game, is at the end.





Author notes

Swap Quatrain:
Each stanza in the poem must be a quatrain (four lines) where the first line is reversed in the fourth line. In addition, line 2 must rhyme with line 1, and line 3 must rhyme with line 4 and so on, BUT not repeat the same rhyming pattern on subsequent stanzas.
Rhyming patterns: AABB, CCDD, or ABAB, CDCD and so on.
The Swap Quatrain was created by Lorraine M. Kanter.

I've changed so much - I still don't know if it's for better or worse.

In a list

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29
  • piccola silver member
    October 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know I've commented on this before. As to form it is too intricate and mathematical for me to ever try but I appreciate anyone who can pull it off. The more I read your work, the more I appreciate you. I'm quite jealous really but still think I can be fair


  • unmasked synergy
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you know, I'm really liking your rhymes
    they are as strong in imagery as your freewrites
    and you haven't diluted the emotion in your words
    to incorporate the rhyme.
    hope to see more from you

    un.

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow never imagined losers having a crown.


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You just blow my mind sometimes,
    how in the hell do you come up with these amazing write?
    I could never write like this, it's like your mind is always working. I sware everything you touch, turns into gold. Just what really goes on inside that head?
    Keep it up !!!

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Love Ya,
    Your Granny


  • Pretera
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, this is an amazing write. So creative and expressive. You're very good.


  • Fug-azi
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love it when a poet can move around and play to different tunes .. something I've been trying to do myself, but not to the quality of this fine write.

    Should do very, very well in the contest my friend.

    PS: Still waiting for the return challenge

    • Never Fall in Love
      March 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, and your character must have wit/sarcasm


    • Never Fall in Love
      March 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      If you remember long ago, I only wrote rhyme

      Ahh, the return challenge. The sonnet was very cruel. You have to write on my favourite, yet least written topic - alcohol addiction. You may do it in rhyme or free verse - your pick. You cannot use the word "subfusc" <- I've read it too mny times from you that I finally remember the meaning. You also cannot use "alcohol" *grins* Good Luck ♥


      • Fug-azi
        March 31, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Oh I remember, its just been a while since I saw it from you.

        lol that is some sort of challenge, I shall see what I can do, but no subfusc my fav word banned.


  • This Is My Story
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so good! I wish I could write as well as you. Your use of words really descibed what is going on very well.


  • W a s p
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Top...

    draw!! now this is poetry! great to have you back!! master poet!! fantastic rhyming and super flow... just the ticket... it can't fail!...ian.


  • Kwassa-Kwassa
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    dispite this being rhyme i actually enjoyed this.

    really good job chan.


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing and i certainly love it but then...what dont i hehe. but your words and the way you write it is always strong and prominant. its beautifully written well done hun


  • trista gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome!!! Yes, yes, yes!!! I love it, can you tell? lol

    Poetry has failed to touch me on a deep level lately, but this is something that reaches down and pulls me right into the middle of the darker feelings I've been trying to get back in touch with. TY for that...

    I love the form as well. It seems familiar, yet it's one I don't think I've seen done exactly this way. I think I will tuck it in my pocket for a rainy day and maybe try it at some point. The syllable count is spot on, but I shudder to think of what would happen if you ever start to write in imabic meter.

    I haven't read the other entries for this contest, but if you don't get a trophy with this I'd be surprised. Definitely the best read I've had in a long, long time.

    Love and s
    ~J.

    • Never Fall in Love
      October 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      try it now


      • trista gold member
        October 21, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Trying to grasp the form and rhyme scheme now? It nearly makes my head spin! I didn't remember the last line being a reverse of the first...? Then again, it's been quite a while since I've read it, so hard to say. Congrats on the shiny, btw. It definitely deserved it.

        s
        ~J.


    • Never Fall in Love
      March 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol! This is my favourite form - and remember the internal and external rhyme scheme we both liked? It's a form too - called a Triquatrain

      Don't even talk about iambic!!!! Never! hahaha, I hate it so much - mainly because I have a very weird accent; well okay, it isn't weird but try mixing indian, local caribbean, and now spanish and british - effed up if you ask me

      I wouldn't count on getting a trophy on this - I haven't read EVERY entry, but the other poets are reaaaaaaaaaaaally good - so much so, I almost didnt want to enter... but then I thought what the heck, a poem is never waste


  • Suicide Hotline
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This seems wonderfull! I send my best wishes for you on the contest.

  • Kari gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome job on the quartrain.
    I think you did a great job with grammer as well.
    The only thing...was the use of" routined game " being done twice at the end.
    Though, I don't know much about quartrains so maybe it's suppose to be that way lol
    Anyway, this was very deep with emotion


    • Never Fall in Love
      March 28, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      lol - thanks
      It's repeated as in the form, the first line of that stanza is repeated, but reversed

      • Kari gold member
        March 28, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Aha! You learn something new everyday! Thanks for explaining that to me. I highly appreciate it

1 - 29 of 29