You put down your dollies and head for the exit,
Take one step
And realize there’s no going back.
Gullible locks will spawn party-time shocks,
Take two steps
And wonder how long you will last,
You’ll try for another but don’t like your chances,
It’s hard to move forward with you’re pants ‘round you’re ankles.
When the padding is gone you are just like the other kids,
The hit has worn off and he’s losing his interest,
He’s not even sure you’re awake anymore,
But don’t think a detail like that apprehends him.
Take three steps.
Don’t turn around,
Don’t look down,
You might knock you’re cherry on yesterday’s child,
What a waste of a smoke
When it could have been used
To numb, or to torture
The still flawless skin on the top of your legs.
The marked girls do seem to score all the attention,
An alright idea really,
It don’t hurt so bad,
And it works like a champion to make Mummy mad.
The day has to come when charades start to crumble,
It’s never as easy as we like to think,
Pick up your dollies and head for the exit,
Pretty blonde girls always looked good in
Black.
Author notes
I started writing this on my phone. lol. When inspiration comes it can't be ignored.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I Liked it.
typical poems that are darker tend to leave me feeling shallow and unresolved; typical darker reads are immature and don't have any depth further than trying to gain attention. This poem was different, and I truly appreciated that. I liked where you placed the breaks, however I think that your point can be made just as well with "Black" being placed directly underneath or just one line down, The larger space there seems a tad dramatic. the rhythm you establish with the steps is nicely done, not a lot of people can pull off an intricate rhythm without compromising the piece. Aside from the fabulous structure (not overdone or too simple) I think the imagery of the poem clearly expresses the context, and makes it a touching piece. I read a lot of poems, and I only comment when I really like one. If you want criticism, then here it is: line 11, the word "you're" should be, "your," correct? Other than that, keep up the great work.
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