Long-necked bird,
snow white on steepled legs,
stands in water.
The rush of summer winds
ruffles damp feathers.
Birds fly overhead;
shadows play across the
rippling waters.
A dip into the cool waves
brings up shiny, flopping fish.
On the bank,
a nest is crafted
of crabgrass and weeds.
Within are six white eggs;
they smell of the sea.
Author notes
http://english.people.com.cn/200406/16/images/0615_233.jpg
A contest entry
- Romance with Nature (Triple Tanka's) by InBetweenThoughts.
750 points, ended April 12, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please leave a comment- especially if you have clicked on a feature!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you for your entry...my apologies for the delays in judging..best wishes, Ken IBT
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greeeat
WOW THIS POEM IS GREAT!!! I REALLY LOVE IT!!
I AGREE WITH THIS COMMENT:
Loverly!
This is quite lovely, actually, ands I can't find anything to criticize. Good job!!
THAT IS SOOO TRUE!!!! I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK IN THE CONTEST!!! AND PLZ KEEP WRITNG HYPER!!! PLEASEEE!!! THIS IS SO GREAT!!!! NOW I GOTTA READ UR OTHER POEMS!! GREAT!!! LOVE IT!!!!! I SO HOPE U WIN THE CONTEST THAT UR IN!!! WUD BE SOOO COOL!! BUT I KNOW U WILL!!!!
much luv and good work and hope u win,
---
xxhooopstar21xx
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Forgot bunnies! Oops!
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Loverly!
This is quite lovely, actually, ands I can't find anything to criticize. Good job!! - oce -
Oops
I meant to put more than that, sorry. I'm sure what a "tanka" is, but without knowing I still enjoyed this poem. The truth is that I didn't derive any sort of metaphor or deeper meaning, but it was nice (for me, because I'm sure this has a deeper meaning to you) to simply read a nice, sweet, simple poem about a bird and it's doings. It brought a smile to my face, truly. -
Pretty
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Nice images. I'm not 100% up on tanka form, but I think you've done it correctly. I like the steepled legs, I like the final tanka the best. Some of the other lines seem a bit obvious to me - ruffling feathers, rippling waters and flopping fish can be described in new terms. The Triple Tanka leaves a lovely image though, I could almost smell the sea myself!
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