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Last Descending Overtones

With each descending step I hear the beat
of sacrificial chants of those who know.
The stone is cold and grey beneath my feet.

The pungent smell is damp and bittersweet.
Within these halls the music seems to flow,
with each descending step I hear the beat.

The altar room is secret and discrete,
with eerie chants that truly seem to grow.
The stone is cold and grey beneath my feet.

My wrists are bound, a feeling of defeat,
a severed heart to feed the gods libido.
With each descending step I hear the beat.

My time has come this act will not repeat,
I hear the chants and see the lamps aglow.
The stone is cold and grey beneath my feet.

My heart becomes the sacrificial meat
as now my life approaches its crescendo.
With each descending step I hear the beat,
the stone is cold and grey beneath my feet.

 

 

 

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iiv

Author notes

Villanelle:
A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).
Form Resource: shadowpoetry.com

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • And Hyetal
    April 9, 2008

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    For another contest, I have to write a Villanelle, so I'm quickly learning how to do them.

    I don't understand the repeating parts of the poem. Do they always go (alternately) in the 3 line of every stanza?

    Thank you for your help.


  • Ithica silver member
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are none too shabby at these your self... But you are a master of ALL of the forms... Congrats on the Gold Trophy too! Always deserving...


  • jo-el
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    damn this really really sucks! i mean what's happening in the story really sucks! lol....the write gets the job done and then some. the repeatin lines are magic and dark as pitch. you definitely set an eerie mood with this one. i've seen a few movies depictin similar scenes and this needs to be recited in the background of one of em...seriously. excellent villanelle.. you shine with these


  • Emile
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    Very imaginative use of words and skillfully constructed. You use good imagery and maintain a poetic flow throughout the whole piece. Wonderful work with great thought given to the subject mater as it is gently unfolded for the readers delight. You manage to capture a sate of being and wrestle it to the paper before is vanishes from your sphere of recognition.

  • And Hyetal
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love music... I have my head phones plastered to my ears all the time.

    This really rocked.

    I especially loved the last stanza, and the rhyming throughout the whole thing was perfect. Even though it was a dark poem, it totally worked.

    good luck in the contest!

    ~Cassie
    [who just remembered she is still totally in your debt. ]


  • Swan song gold member
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the pounding beat to this. As always you are awesome. Well done!!!!!!


  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh sis this is awesomee such a sweet vilanelle its amazing how u create these arts i really enjoyed the east flowing sweeet write good lucks hun in da contest


  • PerVirtuous
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You have a singular talent for making the most vile situations flow like beauty... This was like a bat to the side of the head for me, but apparently I am the only one who cares about the narrator's fate. The wrists being bound suggest that this is not a voluntary journey. I feel the sadness. I wonder why the gods would require such sacrifice. I hear "Funeral Music for Queen Mary" by Purcell playing as I read it. Stellar.

  • Papagallo
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was well done. THe style does take careful consentration. The words here were very scary. It seems you were about to be excuted. I love reading you rwork. Good luck inthe contest. Papagallo


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a deceptively difficult form to tackle. Tackling it over and over again takes a lot of hard work and courage. So easy to get trapped by the form. Well done.


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very dark, the way that i feel right now.


  • HaleyMary
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write, Sis. Wonderful imagery and flow. I liked the fourth stanza the best. It makes me think of how sometimes people may feel that we are held back in life and of the things we want to do. The last line in the stanza also seemed to have a feeling of fear in it, like the feeling of the heart beating rapidly. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Once again, another sweet piece. I love this form and have done a couple. You amaze me dear poet.

    I love you

    Passions


  • StarEyes
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ugh! I am never gonna learn how to do all these. This is great! I love it!! don't know much about this form, not sure about the puncuation though.

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Faeryn
    March 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love it but the punctation makes it harder to read.
    Love you lots,
    Tay


  • individuality gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a good piece of poetry - the beat is smiling as it flows along the poem - thank you for entering and good luck


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was still trying to come up with a Villanelle comment for your last musical Villanelle when you write another musical one yourself, as soon as I saw the contest titel I thought I know a poet who will be writing something great here. And you have, terrific!


    • Amera gold member
      March 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Jeff, the judge didn't like a poem without punctuation. I hate to punctuate octosyllabic poetry so I wrote another one for him.

1 - 18 of 18