The mirror that is my soul guides my hand
fingers skip across letters
re-tracing memories, hopes and wishes
a prayer offered to a friend
a mention of love
a moments pause, reflection, serenity.
My inner child comes to play
leading me a merry dance in the forest of my mind
skipping down leaf carpeted lanes
jumping in rainbow reflected puddles
laughing as I follow close behind
playing tag with my subconscious
Questions flit across daydreams
diving in and out of answers
teasing my needs and testing my faith.
Ideas blow wild and tumble around
peeking like a scared child
around each unopened door.
As the truth spills onto the page
I am in a daze oblivious to the world
only alive to the moment of truth.
A thought shared and open to scrutiny
laying bare and exposed to the world
waiting for eyes to plunder my deepest feelings.
A contest entry
- In The Soul by whatever666.
600 points, ended April 15, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - my 1st contest ever, woo! & anything goes (for the most part) by hope4revolution.
450 points, ended April 27, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you like...
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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there are some really beautiful images in this poem, you really painted the picture you intended with your words. thank you for sharing!
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BREATH TAKING
Such beauty flowing across your page, like a painting of the inner child yet exposing the man from deep within...I'm shocked! where is the Gold! This is a master piece! Niaish so much for sharing with me
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Wow
what great seamless flow here. Your thoughts seem to pour across the page as a gentle spring rain. Bringing life to all you have to say, as a true poet.
Beautiful, Niaish for sharing
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You present your ideas well with a great selection of words. The flow is smooth and the mode created is very powerful. Good luck in the contest
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One of the few that I've read that seems to meet the contest.And good as far as the write.
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excellent
What a wonderful image of a poet you have created. So well crafted with terrific expressions. Thank you for sharing.
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3 claps = 9 points
Lionsloves Lair
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All the many flashes of thought and imagery that travel through a writers mind and when you pick up the pen they smooth out into something that makes sense from your inner most depths. Niaish my friend for sharing with us here.
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Great imagery. I especially liked "peeking like a scared child." There were only a couple things I noticed: the first line is rather vague, (how is your soul a mirror? what does it reflect?) and "rainbow reflected puddles" might be "reflecting puddles". Or I'm just missing something. Great work overall. Good luck in the contest.
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this is butiful it has such imagery wifin the words..
good luck in the contest
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This is exactly what I feel like when I write...an open book for the world to see - vulnerable. What an excellent way to voice this
Ruth
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I love the figurative language in this piece, to me that is the artistry of a poet. A beautiful read thank you for sharing with us.
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I thought it was mind blowing but thats just me.I like your wording,to me it was very creative.Thanks for the read and wish you all the best.
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Well, statements such as, "retracing wishes" are fine as long as you know what those wishes were and for whom. Otherwise, you're being very vague. Also, "As truth spills onto the page" really means nothing if the truth itself - or the questions meant to lead us to the truth - are not enumerated. Hope that helps! - oce
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Decent, but as the last one imprecise.
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This is so... flighty, almost, but that's not the right word. It floats like a leaf on the ripples of a lake. It's very introspective, which I love. Your last stanza reminded me of a quote that I adore: "Loving someone is giving them the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to." I'm not sure who said it, but it seems to fit with your poem.
Great write and good luck in the contest!
~ Kit
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Wonderful, thoughtprovoking peice. Wonderful imagery. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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oh wow, i love the words you used here!
it definitely gave wonderful images to my mind ^^
usually, when i comment on someone's poem,
i would point out the favorite lines but in this write,
all of the lines are my favorite =]
quite glad to read this awe-inspiring piece n.n
hope you win in the contest!
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I really liked it. You've really captured the essence of poetry in this poem. The muses that are used in most poetry that can be found.
As far as the poem itself. I'm not one to really criticize poetry because I believe the real art of poetry is not in the spelling and grammar of the poetry but in the mental images painted on our mind. The only thing I would say though is there is a few spots such as line 17 where I feel that the missing punctuation takes away from the line by just allowing the reader to quickly run over the line instead of putting emphasis on the words. I mean other than that its really a great poem.
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Awesome man
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Wow brother this was really really good..
I really enjoyed reading it..
But I must say just one little itty bitty thing that kind of messed it up for me in one part..
"skipping down leaf lined lanes"
For some reason this messed up the flow for me..
and the rythm in the words themselves.. I think it may have been all the "L" words just one right after the other..
But after that you get back in the groove..lol.. Again I really liked it..Great write brother..
Jetleena
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HOLY SMOKES!!!! WHERE IS THE GOLD?
Where do I start? and do not say at the beginning
This is beyond words! My jaw was on the floor by time I read the last word! This is beyond words and positively wonderful!!!!!! I love it! I think I shall have to bookmark. This if strong and deep and a wonderful insight to many of us...
Best of luck in this contest!!
and love
Nevermore~
Me
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this is a powerful write and i could sort of close my eyes and still vision the wording and imagery here well done bro
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