Everyday I like to say
That life’s a cliché
In such disarray
Who needs to obey
Live in today
And to those who betray
I won’t wander astray
And I won’t go away
There are more colors then grey
I won’t live in dismay
Or let my feelings display
My strength will not sway
Forever it will stay
A contest entry
- Bring on the Cliche Poetry!! by masky.
1800 points, ended June 5, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #75 Short Prayers by daviscth.
300 points, ended May 28, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Beautiful!! I was surprised to see the monorhyme rhyming scene (I myself use it very rarely, and I haven't seen it in a while!), but throughly enjoyed it!
I am sorry to point out a problem, though; The punctuation. I will re-write the poem, punctuating it the way I think it would sound best, if I may:
"Everyday I like to say
That life’s a cliché;
In such disarray,
Who needs to obey?
Live in today,
And to those who betray
I won’t wander astray
And I won’t go away.
There are more colors then grey!
I won’t live in dismay
Or let my feelings display.
My strength will not sway,
Forever it will stay!"
Also, now that I've added the dreaded punctuation, don't you think the last line would sound more powerful like:
"It will forever stay"? After all, it's your choice, I'm only suggesting; It won't influence my judging in any way. I really enjoyed this piece - thank you for entering, and good luck!
-
Thank you for posting in my contest.
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