I.
a child is waiting in a child's room
the child turns off the light
in silence a man hears a child get into bed
there in her room, the girl sets an alarm she
knows will wake her
outside there are many noises
a prayer in a child's room stops
her thoughts slip away
I am praying
II.
a child lies down to sleep
sitting down on the edge of the bed
a man coughs while he is thinking about her
silence in his room
am alarm glows with red numbers
in the room a man struggles with his thoughts
he is alone
a light goes out
it is 10:38
there is dread in the girl's body
it is way past her bedtime
the noises outside are sharp and scary
two cats
in the backyard
are either fighting or fucking
the girl is crying
he does not hear it through the pillow
III.
the child has stopped praying
lost in the thoughts of today's punishment
and the possibility of tonight's terror
her teddy bear is white
far away from the violence of his anger
she watches as the wire hanger hits her
leaving welts on her back
he slaps his child
walking away, he swears silently about disobedience
IV.
in a prayer a man is speaking to God about how hard it is
to raise children
kneeling at his bedside
he is confused about what to do
the cats are fighting again
in a room a girl is praying fervently
please don't let him come into my room tonight
her sister has gone to sleep
on the sidewalk, a teenage girl wanders down a dark street
she is feeling betrayed again
by someone she thought would love her
I tried to ignore you but you came in
I am in my bed awake
he struggles to control himself
in tears, the girl says nothing
and is ashamed because she did not
V.
in the master bedroom there is a man
with a belt that bounces off
a child's thigh as she bends across his lap
in her room it is still
as she wonders if teddy can hear the dogs barking
she hears the creaking sound of her father getting out of bed
I fearfully hold my breath
VI.
silently you wrap your arms around my body for comfort
but I know this will only end badly
this teenage girl cannot stop crying and wanting you to love her
so she lets you screw her on the bed
a child cries as the dogs fight outside
a man sleeps alone in his bed
it is close to midnight as the alcohol makes him drowsy
he has no other comfort
a child is asleep hugging her blankets close
next door the dog yelps as the neighbor kicks her
VII.
a young woman walks past an attractive
young man wearing a
leather belt
I saw his belt and it reminded me of you
in a room a child on a bed reaches for hope
she prays and knows it does no good
there is an image of a little girl on the back of a
milk carton
it is known she was kidnapped by
her father
his selfishness became my prison
VIII.
no longer do I love you
more murders happen at night
there were many childhood nights
he killed my hope
there is a man's belt and in the room there is no man
a child in her night shirt turns over and sighs
she is silently praying
she is trying to get him to stop touching her
Author notes
I wrote this when I was in college. It has a very different style because I wanted to portray the fragmented feeling of my memories of the abuse that happened to me as a child. I do not remember most of my childhood. In this poem, I put in a lot of the things that haunt me and trigger my memories. The reason for the repetition is that as an adult, these memories repeat themselves. Each chapter is me at a different age and what I experienced or remembered at that age. In each chapter, there is always a little girl somewhere in there. Even well into adulthood, there is still a little girl that I am deep inside.
Whenever a memory is triggered, it seems to be this fragmented piece that sometimes feels like it happened to me and other times feels like I am watching it happen to someone else that I know is me. It is difficult to explain. Basically, the way in which I survived some of the experiences I did was by "leaving my body". The dissociation leaves me with a fragmented memory of my childhood. Hopefully, this poem gets that jumbled up feeling across. Please comment and let me know how I did with portraying that. Thanks!
A contest entry
- Enter All Your Abuse Writes Here! (Part III) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1650 points, ended April 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain/Hurt/Life scars. Release your pain to me by LanguishedLad.
450 points, ended April 24, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - April is Abuse Awerness Month by FallenFromGrace1102.
340 points, ended May 2, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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great write it was so strong and powerful i loved it keep up tbe beautiful work. this has really moved me i wish you the best of luck in my contest.
*~*bee*~* -
i am so terribly sorry that you had to deal with this kind of heartache. you wrote of the pain so extremely well that i was trembling by the time i finished reading this. very well done. i hope that the healing process is working in you. viyanna rosemarie
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wonderful!
i loved this! i will not focus my comment on telling you that i am sorry for what happened to you (although i truely am) simply becasue i am sure you have heard it alot as have I . i was so impressed by how you were able to pull off those "jumbled memories" i have tried many times and have failed all of them. I just wanted to tell you that i admire your work and the strength it took you to write it. this was absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking and honest. hope you dont mind if i add you to my favorites
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This made me feel very sad. I got kind of confused, because it jumped around a lot and first it was a child, then a teenager then a child again but with a dog not a cat, so it got kind of confusing, but the authors notes helped me understand it. Message me if you ever feel like talking about anything of that sort, I am always here.
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