Kamikaze snowflakes
refusing to live,
take their life by
splattering onto the windshield
I am blind;
I imagine you short circut
at the extent of my touch
you are naive;
you pretend that you are worldly
because you speak of fictional
Siddharthas,Mersaults, and Elizabeth Bennets.
We were foolish;
trying to compress
365 days of intimate psychobabble
into wishing on weeds because
those bright, bright stars let us down.
you held a blade of grass
loosely in you mouth
and took your rightful place
at the windowseat across the room
as the condensation hugged unyielding glass
your eyes closed as you slumped forward;
you were never mine anyway.
A contest entry
- The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is Dirty Pretty a Lost Cause? by Hell In Harmony.
6500 points, ended July 22, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
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900 points, ends December 1, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Kamikaze snowflakes
refusing to live,
take their life by
splattering onto the windshield
I am blind;
I imagine you short circut
at the extent of my touch
you are naive;
you pretend that you are worldly
good intro.
We were foolish;
trying to compress
365 days of intimate psychobabble
into wishing on weeds because
those bright, bright stars let us down.
you held a blade of grass
loosely in you mouth
and took your rightful place
at the windowseat across the room
I like your wording. cute ideas
as the condensation hugged unyielding glass
your eyes closed as you slumped forward;
you were never mine anyway.
sad ending, i likeeee
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A little hard to understand at first, but that is what makes the poem refreshing. Rereading it helps me identify and understand certain things I would not have done in the first place. What I got from the beginning was the season the writer left his/her "lover" and how everything seems to be crashing down. "You were never mind anyways." ~ this ending really helps me understand where your feelings are coming from. I think this is a fine piece of work. Very much enjoyed the read!
Thanks for your entry. Good luck!
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What a great stanza you started this off with. It only got better from there. Good luck in the contest.
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Very good. Just spelling.
Condensation; 3 last line
I'm not sure if its intimate or inanimate psychobabble
you held a blade of grass
loosely in you mouth
and took your rightful place
at the window seat across the room
as the condensation hugged unyielding glass
your eyes closed as you slumped forward;
you were never mine anyway.
Beautiful, down right bloody beautiful!
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thanxx so much. feel free to check my spelling any time. I was wondering about the spelling of intimate but it looked funny on paper. as for condensation sometimes when I type too fast I skip Letters >.<
glad you like my poem
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Dang that's good. My favorite is the snowflakes part. I really like this poem!
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