As Myrtle came out of the shower,
she caught sight of herself in the buff,
and was shocked to see an alarming degree
of that horrible cellulite stuff.
With morbid fascination,
she turned to the side to see
a bulbous, porky overhang
and a bum like a chunk of Brie.
Her legs were like turkey drumsticks,
all dimpled and podgy and white;
her knees like two potatoes ~
what a hideously sickening sight!
Forthwith she went on a diet
and an excercise regime,
and bought some light pink jogging shoes
to boost her self-esteem.
But her daily random marathons
gave Desmond some concern,
knowing his wife the way he did ~
what if she took the wrong turn?
To save her getting very lost
he bought her a mobile phone,
and went to work quite confident
she'd use it now she'd been shown.
Later that day he rang her
to see how she would do
in following his instructions.
He heard the call go through...
...Somewhere down a side street
the mobile phone's shrill ring
made Myrtle's heart leap through her chest
and she cursed the wretched thing.
She fumbled it from her pocket
and pushed the wrong buttons in haste,
but the ringing grew only louder
as she stood there, confused and white-faced.
A young man appeared round the corner,
and seemed a respectable sort,
so she asked if he'd be able to help her ~
she'd forgotten all she'd been taught.
He reached for the phone that she proffered,
and with hardly a how-do-you-do,
slipped it deftly into his pocket ~
took off and vanished from view!
Author notes
This is #5 in the Myrtle & Desmond series.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyming Rumble 1 ( part one of a 3 part series ) by RuthKephart.
525 points, ended April 5, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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TERIFFIC PUNCH LINE
Mind you this could be about me I am to mobile phones what pigs are to flying most of the time I don't recognize my own ring tone and yes I have handed it to others to answer for me ...
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Just back for another look
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I loved this. Perfect flow, rhythm and rhyme. What a great story. Wonderful entry for this round. Well done. ~Pamela 
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Thanks for the laugh with this one I really enjoyed that you wrote something funny like this but still added little gems in it like the words bulbous, podgy, proffered, and deftly. Great use of imagery here with Myrtle's discription and good use of rhyme. I found the meter to stumble a bit in places but was too busy laughing at poor Myrtle's plight to really notice too much. Thank you for your entry and best wishes in the contest
Ruth
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A great addition to the series; told with style. Poor Myrtle!
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Now how did I know that what going to happen?!
I love the little story about Myrtle bless her-I do not possess a MP so I really am unusual-if I get lost-I get lost!
xxx BOL Hilly xxx -
Ha! Clever story. Once the formula gets out there will be a host of married men buying their wives phones and then hiring smooth young cads to surreptitiously stalk them on their jogs, then offer to "help" them once they are hopelessly lost! Hmmm... thinking... thinking...!
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Your sense of humor is wonderful. Your words always a pleasure to read. Best of luck!!
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