Matches lit to warm our souls
Engulfed in sorrow by the moaning wind
We clutched our burdens with savored decorum,
Like our ardent desire for the arduous slain.
The stars flew away ‘neath the crying moon,
And the sun waned down upon a blackened world,
Warriors fell and dropped their swords
To gape at the gawkers who gazed at the lost.
When crumpled courage cared to care,
We gripped our habits with a stubborn prestige,
Though perfect’s now gone and if we had known
The plains we roamed and the air we breathed,
And the power and perceptions to enrage our peers
Could have thrown overboard our withering lines
We would know of nothing else . . .
When society sunk to sea.
Anything Specific To Improve On?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Your word usage is remarkable
This was excellent
Wonderful poem.
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ok, ok, THIS is just, just, just, amazing. You, my young friend, are very incredibly talented. How cool it is to sit here in my living room, in my microscopic corner of this world, and know that such talent is out there in this same world, and will only grow!! So Awesome!! I love the alliterations in your poem also, it gave an already wonderful writing another unique quality!! Great job!
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Wow this is friggen amazinn!!
So deep and true, it's soooo hard to find that in poets anymore!!
The last three lines really got me!!
WOW!! that's the only word I have left because I am so incredibly speechless!
No poem has ever done that before!!
Great job!!
Truly!
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Good work dudette, your stuff is a breath of fresh air from all the similarly aged teens who tend towards the whiny and annoying. Looking forward to reading more
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Mind-blowing
This is brilliant.
It really absorbed me- the imagery's intense, how you did that I'm not sure...
It's also wryly mocking of society, and the customs of those within- ah, now I remember what it reminds me of.
Gone With the Wind.
The desperation to stay respectable, binding themselves in their old traditions despite the fact that the world was crashing down around them.
And stuff :]
I now need to read a lot more of your poems
xxx
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I love this soooooooo much. I'm not sure that the following is what you were going for, but what I got from it is a lesson in how wordly treasures don't last forever, and what we cling hold to we'll lose no matter what.
"You must let go of all you fear to lose..." -Yoda
I love that quote. It's one of the top two I live by. 
Anywhosers, love, love, love it! *stars*
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Wow. That's good. I can't believe you're only 14!! flipping 'eck, i wish i could write like that now, never mind a year ago!
I like, but there's not alot specific to AP, at least if there is, it's not that clear. By that I mean, without your authors notes, or the contest title, it would be a poem about society, a great one, but nonetheless, a poem about society.
I really do love the last three lines. Definately brings out the pirate in you!!
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great poetry... i cant imagine life wifout ap now lol i seem to be most of my time lol
Good Luck in the contest
cheeky
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This is a great poem, very visual. I'm not to sure about all the alliteration. Well worded and flowed. It feels like it should have some rhyme or something to link it together a bit more. But on the whole a very enjoyable poem.
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Lol wow well one thing I really admire is how you thought outside of the box in this piece here!! Well done!
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