I tried the tarnished doorknobs one by one, while pythons slithered about large rusty pylons whose beige paint flecked in spots revealed older sea green tones;
the bullet of my yell for help did ricochet about the lonely dusty halls...
from far far far off in the distant bay, the fog-horn called some one to play.
Yet I never knew, I still wonder now as I write this, in another prison even further still, beyond where no one ever goes, there was nothing else to do for I was trapped there, in Alcatraz, till the park staff came to clean, so I sat in a cell, and blew smoke-rings with the meerschaum pipe and fine tobacco kept me company.
Author notes
I may come back, I may be here. Please be not scared, this bad ain't queer. Not bad queer, ha ha. Hear?
Oh by the way, fair judge is f-a-i-r. fare means money you pay to go on a ride or as passenger.
A contest entry
- all poets love to roll words around in their mouth ~take 2~ by Star of Atlantis.
600 points, ended April 30, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Gracias os doy, gran Senyor; pués me has sacado de las tinieblas de la noche...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very interesting take on the words. I read it a couple times to really absorb it and by the end I could actually smell the place and feel the emotions of a trapped man in Alcatraz!!! Excellent job and the form is clever way to really draw the reader into the piece!! Well done and best of luck here.....
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I like how you started this one, But I am just not very entralled by the way it flows. it is more like reading prose, which would be fine if that is how you meant it.
My favorite line by far is "While pythons slithered about large rusty pylons"
or "The fog horn called someone to play"
That line definateally touched a string somewhere, I read it again and the cross poetry prose thing actually works well.
I just love to read, Anyones poetry, so of course I am going to like it, But Still. Good job -
WOW---Really Impressive!--Favorite verses:
"Yet I never knew, I still wonder now as I write this, in another prison even further still, beyond where no one ever goes, there was nothing else to do for I was trapped there, in Alcatraz, till the park staff came to clean, so I sat in a cell, and blew smoke-rings with the meerschaum pipe and fine tobacco kept me company."
Well Done & Best of Luck in the contest!
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I thank you, kind friend B.T.
Yes sir, good morning to ye:
Where is the buried treasure? What kind are we talking about? I've got tools and skills. Let's go searching.
I could use some treasure. lol
Thank you for the kind words, friend.
John Tarik Walker
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i love the way that this flows. the meershaum pipe is a nice touch not many people have a pipe like that and even those who do mostlikely will still call it just a pipe. that is a good word too i think it should show up in poems. i am glad you gave me another word to roll around in my mouth. the begining of this poem is a real toung twister that i liked so much i had to say it over and over a few times just to savor the taist of those words in my mouth. i was thinking this poem was takeing me somewhere eles and almost giggled when i came to the end of it and what i would be thinking to be trapped in a place like that on accedent... "hay man, i am just a turist!" come to mind... the situation probably happens more than they care to admit. i would bet there are even those who try and get stuck in places like that. i like the way the title decieves you making you think that this poem is going to take the reader into the mind of maddness and leave them thinking... where am i and how did i get here? a bit like a spooky movie that takes you down one path and when its over your changed and your disturbed and your view is a bit skewed. and just like a good spooky movie you ease me out of it with something that is almost a comical joke... being accedentally stuck on alcatraz... this made your poem extremely amusing to me and i liked it very much. one last thing, artistically i like the structure of the lines as per it plays into the psychee that makes you feel your going somewhere you maybe dont want to but the part inside of me that says this should be reformed is driven crazy and wants to hack up the lines. however, please dont do that as the poem has much more impact your way.
good wright thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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I really am amazed
wow, your poetry is awesome. I wishI could write things like this. You should write more
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Maybe you have in you amazing poetry
Why don't you try and see? Read the classics, read as much excellent poetry as you can find.
Think. Feel, and write.
Your name is poetry. Where does it come from? Who directed the film? Who wrote the book?
If you practice asking good questions, you will start to find very interesting answers.
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