Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Princess for a day

Missing image

I close my eyes and wish away

I am a princess for a day

Love that will never leave my side

Today I am the perfect bride

.

I am a princess for a day

I pray this dream will always stay

In your strong arms so safe and warm

This day I fake to dodge the storm

.

Love that will never leave my side

With puppy eyes I'm glorified

The wedding ring made out of clay

I wear with pride as we two play

.

Today I am the perfect bride

Dancing till the last glimpse of light

Tomorrow is another day

To dress-up and be what we may

Author notes

This poetic form is called the Retourne. My first ever one I dared to try. If you see anything out of place your critic comment is most welcome.

In a list

A contest entry

..

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • BearWoman gold member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    As requested, a critical review.

    I do not know the form and was unable to find it at AP or on Wikipedia (probably user error, lol), so am unable to comment on that. I do see the particular rhyming structure, with eight syllables per line, so if those are the specifications of the form, I think I got it!

    A most excellent effort for the first time in a new form. It definitely deserved the bronze.

    S2 L4 I couldn’t understand this line until I read incapable’s comment. (More user error, lol!) with her interpretation ("As if she can't bare to be herself and has to play make-believe to escape."), it is the only dark spot within the fun of pretend-play.

    S3 L2 "With puppy eyes I’m glorified" I love this line

    A nice poem with a good feel. The rhythm flows very well, except for S4 L2, which feels a bit awkward to me (when I speak it). Lovely, light, fun. The picture goes well with the poem. I think of the dog as the "he" of the "we" in her pretend bride story.


  • ryno mcpherron
    February 27
    Edit | Reply

    Great work ...

    I like this a lot. It seems to flow nicely, the rhymes don't seem forced here which is good!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    how very sweet. i have two granddaughters now and can so picture this scene. thank you for sharing this with me today and congratulations on the bronze trophy you have earned. i am truly looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


  • peridotPixi
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am beginning to like this form after reading the wonderful poems you have made out of them, I love the little girl in the picture and how is feeling like a princess this makes me think of Aneka, and how she is your little princess, I love the last line and how it says that "Tomorrow is another day
    To dress-up and be what we may" that is a very positive ending to a wonderful poem and it reminds us to keep pressing forward. Congratulations on the bronze this poem well deseved it, keep writing ~Amy


  • Ellis gold member
    December 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Delightful


  • Rovingone gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a delightful little rhyme. All about childhood fantasies and the sweetest adventure. Marriage.

  • Gods Precious
    May 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow Dolla

    what a great piece - this reminds me of the day's I sat and dreamt about my wedding day. Picture perfect

    No forced rhyming her...... Its more dreaming and taking you back to your child hood days.


  • incapable
    May 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful poem about a time that you can pretend to be whatever you want.
    It feels particularly sad too though, especially in the lines:
    'In your strong arms so safe and warm
    This day I fake to dodge the storm'
    As if she can't bare to be herself and has to play make-believe to escape.
    I loved the rhyme and flow of the poem, it just rolls off the tongue. Though I, also, haven't heard of 'retourne' so cannot give any feedback on that.
    Truly beautiful poem, lovely x xx


  • background music
    April 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting form... I can't comment it critically as I havn't heard of it before, but you have inspired me to try it. The repetition through out was very effective. Flawless rhythm and flow. I love the theme too, I guess it's every little girl's dream to be a bride, and a princess for a day. Sweet write!

  • Michael P
    April 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is an excellent poem for this picture-so very well done-yes wonderfully written..


  • Tarja
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can't even tell you Becks how awesome it is to read a piece from you! I have really missed your poetry. Let me start by saying that I LOVED that picture! It brought a smile to my face and reminded me of myself around that age. And of course the adorable picture was followed by a flawless poem... great rhyming and beautiful word choice along with such a cute and fitting message to the picture. I loved this take on the contests theme. Well done! In my opinion, gold worthy for sure. Good luck.


  • Amera gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OMG! This is absolutely adorable. It's penned in perfect octosyllable and in perfect form. The poem is better than the picture you provided. This is the kind of poem that brings back memories and the fact that you did it in a Retourne adds to the image so very much. The repeating lines make the poem read like it’s a memory. Bravo!

    Love,
    Amera


  • Elsje
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Dis regtig ñ stunning gedig weet jy!!! pragtig en laat
    my nogals verlang na toe ek klein was het 100 keer per
    dag ander klere aangetrek en my ma mal gehad LOL is mos maar ñ bietjie van mamma se prinsessie! Eks bly
    jyt my vertel van hierdie nie geweet of jy nog skryf nie. Sonder jou sukkel ek maar om hierby uit te kom ;-( Ek wens eintlik ek kan soos jy skryf, lyk asof
    jou pen net die papier raak en sidaar!!!

    ;-) Lovies jou en jy moet jou naweek geniet!


  • Swangrnv gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    sounds like a song

    set to music when reading this. A very sweet little write, a adorable pic. to go with it! good job my friend!


  • moksh
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey rebekkah,
    Have to agre wth everyone tht u hav done a commendable job!!!!
    this piece is really nice....the flow.....the emotions of a newly bride.........xcitemnt......everythng's is perfectly potrayed!
    bt dunno y the rhyme seemed to have been forced!
    eg: The wedding ring made out of clay
    I wear with pride as we two play.

    bt still i jst loved reading it!!!
    & m wanna show it to my better half....& m sure shez gonna lik it!!

    keep writing!!!!

    Cheers,
    Vik


    • Amera gold member
      March 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I don’t know where you get “forced rhyme”. Her poem has perfect rhyme and meter penned in octosyllable. I read all poetry out loud and it works for me.


      • moksh
        March 29, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        hey amera,
        U knw tht every coin has 2 sides.
        I jst reviewed on tht other side!

        Newyz this is a lovly piece of wrk!! & surely one of my favourite!

        Cheers,
        Vik.


    • Rebekah-Ann silver member
      March 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey my friend,

      Thank you for reading my poem! The poem is not really forced, it is not a real bride. The poem is about a little girl pretending to have a wedding. She is playing dress up with her puppy. That is why she has a clay ring. They are little actors.

      Glad you liked it.

      More of the dream most little girls have that real excitement. ALL JUST FICTION! - For the contest Prompt.

      Have a lovely weekend, and thanks again for your comment!


      • moksh
        March 29, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        yup!!! thnx. i was just looking at the other side of this poem!!

        Newyz hav a gr8 weenknd!!!


  • Barely Breathing gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so lovely. The rhyme was so perfect and you have done so well here. Congratulations and all the best for the contest.


  • cherche -d -ame
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I only attempted this form one time , so I am by no means an expert on it and can not critique it on those merits. What I can do however is let you know that the presentation and rhyme were perfect to me and I enjoyed the poem as well as the accompanying picture Best wishes in the contest and much love,
    reenie

1 - 21 of 21