I thought the smell of buttercups
could get me through the days;
that sweet birdsong would cheer me up
and wipe away this haze...
Instead I find a backwards path
where everything's the same--
instead of hearing bluebirds laugh
I only hear your name.
And I see a...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
treading circles, wrapped in echoes,
nothing changes, 'til the wind slows
There are
pansies bright and lilies gay,
yet everything seems ashen;
they can't compare to your bouquet,
each kiss a bloom of passion.
Why can't I let those days go by
and lift without a trace?
Yet...
when rainbows glow in azure sky
I only see your face.
Still I feel that...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
sleepless daydreams, chasing echoes,
nothing changes, 'til the wind goes.
Giggling geese in burbling brooks
just magnify the glare
of shallow minds and mimicked looks--
to you they can't compare.
I followed you, my pot of gold,
long after night had fallen...
I'm waiting here, in bitter cold
for you to bring the dawn.
Thinking of that...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
misty labyrinths, lost in echoes,
nothing changes, as the wind blows.
I thought you were an endless dream,
but I guess dreams can't last...
yet still I feel your touch; it seems
I'm captured by the past.
Though you've gone, I realize
you're still the one I seek.
Yet...
today I lifted shadowed eyes
and felt sunlight kiss my cheek.
Now I see the...
sunset falling, through the treetops,
nothing changes as the breeze stops--
sunrise glowing, new day breaking...
echoes fading, dreams are waking.
Author notes
username: catauthor
story link: http://allpoetry.com/column/show/2341481
Slow song...uh, I'm not sure of who it would sound like. Maybe sort of Norah Jones, but less coffee-shop, and Maria McKee, but less strong, and Sia, but less...Sia. Sort of like that.
Rather slow, but very soft and clear.
Instruments: piano
[intro, about 2 measures of piano]
[piano, slow chords]
{voice: soft, but clear}
I thought the smell of buttercups
could get me through the days;
that sweet birdsong would cheer me up
and wipe away this haze...
*slightly louder*
Instead I find a backwards path
where everything's the same--
instead of hearing bluebirds laugh...
[/piano]
*soft*I only hear your name.
[piano, faster arpeggios]
{voice: mezzo-forte and singsong-y}
And I see a...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
*growing* treading circles, wrapped in echoes,
nothing changes, 'til the wind slows
[piano--back to chords]
{voice: mezzo-piano and back to slow}
There are
pansies bright and lilies gay,
yet everything seems ashen;
they can't compare to your bouquet,
each kiss a bloom of passion.
*slighly faster*
Why can't I let those days go by
and lift without a trace?
Yet...
when rainbows glow in azure sky
[/piano]
I only see your face.
[piano, faster arpeggios]
{voice: louder, singsong-y}
Still I feel that...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
sleepless daydreams, chasing echoes,
nothing changes, 'til the wind goes.
[piano, back to chords]
{voice: mezzo-forte, slower again}
Giggling geese in burbling brooks
just magnify the glare
of shallow minds and mimicked looks--
to you they can't compare.
*growing*I followed you, my pot of gold,
long after night had fallen...
I'm waiting here, in bitter cold
for you to bring the dawn.
[piano, faster arpeggios]
{voice: loudest so far, slightly singsong}
Thinking of that...
sunset rising, through the treetops,
nothing changes, 'til the breeze stops;
*suddenly softer*
misty labyrinths, lost in echoes,
nothing changes, as the wind blows.
[piano, back to soft chords]
{voice: louder than piano}
I thought you were an endless dream,
but I guess dreams can't last...
yet still I feel your touch; it seems
I'm captured by the past.
*growing*
Though you've gone, I realize
you're still the one I seek.
Yet...
today I lifted shadowed eyes
[big piano chord, then stop piano]*dum...*
and felt sunlight kiss my cheek.
[piano, slow arpeggios]
{voice: soft}
Now I see the...
sunset falling, through the treetops,
nothing changes as the breeze stops--
sunrise glowing, new day breaking...
[/piano]
echoes fading, dreams are...
*slow* waking.
[one last slow, soft piano run of six notes or so]
Uh...have mercy, please? These are my first lyrics since the ones I wrote when I was eight, which involved kangaroos in a zoo, so I think this might be an improvement on that.
Please let me know how I can improve, because I can tell that this isn't really good, but I'm not sure what to do for it...eep.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 9 (Top 6) by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended April 3, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Reminded me of something smooth by Pete Murray - the flow steady and silent but echoed with phrasings. I loved this - impressed me - the mood is something aching and with turning the poem reaches transformation with out disturbance.
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I don't know if you had that ending before and I missed it...but I really love the last two lines. Aweshum x
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"my pot of gold" are you kidding me?
that is so cliche.
besides that, I am impressed by this. I'm not really into happy songs at all because they are always cheesy. But with that pushed aside, this would work definitely. If I was a music producer, I would make this in your style, if not that, then pop. It just has that cheery feel to it.
I am so impressed by the entries this round. Very well done.
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Cliche? Me?
Meanie Tyler! *sob*
Yeah, everybody keeps saying how happy it is, and it really wasn't supposed to be at all, just with a little uplift at the end. But if happy is how it turned out, then bring on the bubblegum!
Yeah, I was amazed at how well everyone(else) did with lyrics. I'm intimidated. *twitch* -
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Bubblegum! 
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To be honest I was kind of confused and thought something was wrong with me when everyone was saying how happy it was and I'm like...was it? (Up until the end of course)
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Finally, a happy song!
First off, I LOVE your chorus. It made everything bouncy and musical and I immediately thought that this could be something that the Goo Goo Dolls might have done.
Secondly, I like your title. The contrast between 'sunSET' and 'rising' really got me.
But maybe some different words could have been used? It kinda seemed cliche. But what do I know, I'm the one who slaps a random Latin word down and calls it a title.
YOU'RE scared? Gosh, if you're scared, I'm horrified.
good luck.
~Cassie
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Heehee, thanks.
Yeah, the chorus came first, and I started writing this fast song, and then it was like...no! I can't write it this way, because the chorus doesn't work! So now it's a bit slower.
Ooh, different words. Good point. I've been feeling like I don't stretch my vocabulary enough, so yes! Less cliche words; I'll work on that.
Thanks for the tips.
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And just so you know, I think I liked this better than kangaroos in a zoo.
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Ah, good. I was worried about that.
I mean seriously, if someone says that they'd rather read lyrics about kangaroos than what you've written...then you've got some problems.
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But I have to admit, kangaroos are pretty sweet.
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Kangaroos in a zoo!!! Awesome
I like this, but for some reason I just felt it sounded more poetry-y (new word) than lyric-y, though that's probably just the way I'm reading it rather than you writing it. Having said that it is very good with some really nice lines throughout
bluebirds laugh
Giggling geese in burbling brooks
I'm captured by the past.
today I lifted shadowed eyes
and felt sunlight kiss my cheek.
Your author's note shows off a lot of technical lexis, do you play or anything cos you seem to really know your stuff!
Good luck, I enjoyed the read x
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AHA! That's it! Too poetry-y! Yes! Thank you!
*cough*
Um, thanks. I'll work on lessening the poeticness...if I can figure out how...
Yeah, I play piano...Mom decided we should take lessons a few years ago and I have yet to get out of them--not that I really want to stop. Usually.
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Ooph, overdose of sarcasm *ackk dies*
I got to grade 1 on the piano! (how's that for achievment...)
I got bored, which sucks cos I wish I'd carried on.
You probably shouldn't listen to me
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No no no no no--sarcasm? Who, me?
No, seriously, thanks for the comment about the too poetry-y-ness. Still working on fixing it, but yeah, thanks.
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Haha, oo how do you do the angel? That could come in handy
Can't beat sarcasm
I hope you get to where you want it to be
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awesome!
WOW! I loved this, you have insane talent! I really loved how you worded this and the emotion just flows perfectly out of it. Cant wait to read more! please comment some of my stuff 2, thanx a lot!
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