i could tell
in the stinging afterbirth
of what i said that those
peeling eyes of yours
would never look at me
the same way
gracefully you recede
from the mess we made
(you spilled the milk too,
darling, it wasn't just me)
and your yellow lungs
couldn't handle the
disintegrating wick
of our desire
Author notes
contest entry
A contest entry
- Words for the Few by SurelyWritten.
390 points, ended May 3, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is short and not-so-sweet... I really like that you have used all the words so quickly (perhaps not the right word, but the only one I can think of) without sacrificing comprehension - well done! I wish you the best in the contest
Keep writing
Polly
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I like this a lot. Short, simple and to the point, with some good images- You used all the words, and it doesn't sound forced. Really well done, I am impressed and I am tempted to read more from you after seeing this entry.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
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