Milk curdled, left in a chipped saucer,
kicked out of the way,
lost in a corner,
on the dirty floor
extinguished wick,
Yellow colored driblets,
frozen in place,
lost a race to the peeling paint,
curling off the walls
shadows recede and fade,
into the awakening light
so graceful and feminine,
pouncing through accumulated dust,
discarded like some afterbirth,
no longer quite justified
Feel the perpetual sting,
swarming bees serenading rose bushes,
so elegant and graceful,
up against the faded trellis,
supporting crumbling walls
such an antiquated homestead,
yet, feels good to be home...
Author notes
written 3/27/08
using the following word bank:
*yellow.
*sting.
*recede.
*afterbirth.
*wick.
*peeling.
*milk.
*graceful.
A contest entry
- Words for the Few by SurelyWritten.
390 points, ended May 3, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please feel free to leave a comment
Comments
-
I don't particularly understand the capitalisation of the word 'Yellow' when it came after a comma? Apart from that this was an interesting poem... I liked the overall message
best of luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly
-
I liked everything except for the third stanza- It seemed a little disconnected and forced, although the wording of the poem is indeed good. Thank you for using all the words.
I was a little disappointed to see the connection between bees and "sting," I knew that was the obvious way to take that word, but I was hoping people would step out of that. Although, even though I didn't want it to go there, I will say you did a very good job of it...
This is well-written thanks for entering,
Shirley -
Wow, it's very descriptive. I enjoy seeing the images playing out in my head, but the part where the afterbirth was set out somewhat made me...feel like it was iffy, kind of out of place. Nonetheless, I enjoyed it. It was a painted picture, and no matter how dismal I would consider a home like that, your words drew them out in a comforting light.
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