Forever trapped, can’t escape
Optimistic that she will make it one day
Rejected by the ones she used to love
Enraged she will never be
Validated of what she will become
Everlasting lies, trying to make her weak
Revenge she shall seek, but don't find the need
Lovable but no one can see
Amused by all the jealousy
Staying strong
Till the very end
Inspired by none but herself
Never going to change for no one
Grateful for her few true friends
Confused of what she really did wrong
Overjoyed of who I've become
Memories will forever remain in her heart
Accomplished she will be, let everyone hate what they can't be, me!
Author notes
cousin
- Broken Hearted group list • next in list
A contest entry
- best prewrites by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended April 6, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Betrayal by XXCrimsonRaineXX.
1380 points, ended April 27, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - group contest, the keyboard is mightier then the pen by Quill Bill.
450 points, ended May 31, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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I love the last line, and this flows really well for an acrostic. Spectacular job
Thanks for entering -
Wow! you have done a beautiful acrostic tell of your will-power. I am very proud to know you have the spunk to stand tall & proud...Just keep writing...I adored this...
novy
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THIS IS A REALLY GOOD POEM!I really enjoyed reading this one!Thank u soooo much for entering!GOOD LUCK!
signed confused -
Not much to say about this one. It was good and I can relate. Good luck on the contest
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nice poem, why do you think people want to you? every thing is inspired by what went before,
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i am confused on what you are asking me..
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This is really good, some grammar mishaps, but that's nothing serious.
I love the flow of this piece, very beautiful.
Thank you for entering. -
wonderful acrostic love, you did excellent... and the wording was marvelous.. good luck!
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Very strong write with determination of what you want. Good flow and discriptions. Best to you in the contest.
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I love these lines:
Staying strong
Till the very end
Inspired by none but herself
Never going to change for no one
They are so beautiful! I think its lovely that the girl you are talking about in this poem fines inner strength. It takes a long time to find that confidence.
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well penned. life can be tough sometimes, but if we can get through it, the person we become is someone we may never thought we could be.
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thank you for entering! you did a very nice job here! I really enjoyed the whole thing! goob job and good luck!
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a strong piece in your diction thanks for entering
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Thank you very much for your entry. Well written and well thought out.
Good luck in the contest -
wow how many contests do you have this poem and think pleae - be tihgt to others andthey will be tight back with the claps
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This is a bit choppy, I would have liked to see more description...Show the reader what you are trying to express rather than just stating it. I think this has a lot of potential, and with work can become a quality piece.
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hey this is Dani...the judge of the contest. just to let you know that i do not know who you are...so if you know me please don't be upset if i leave you a comment that does not make you smile. it's just i'm judging this contest and i wanna be able to seek out the good and get rid of the bad. but i love this. i was readin it and i notice the title going down on the left side. and that's when i remembered what an Acrostic is...it slipped my mind for a minute. i use to love writing these in school. good job and best of luck to you.
~Dani~ -
I could hardly tell that it was an acrostic, it flowed so well, and I kind of liked the way the lines stop conveniantly at the end of each line; It really caught my attention. (if that made any sense.
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You probably had to fix it a million times to get it to fit into that form, but if so, I couldn't tell! It sounded very natural.
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Wow... such power from an acrostic... usually they seem forced... this one flows... good luck in my contest
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Wow!
Very well written. So much emotion portrayed throughout this poem. Great work!!
I love these lines:
"Rejected by the ones she used to love
Enraged she will never be
Validated of what she will become
Everlasting lies, trying to make her weak
Revenge she shall seek, but don't find the need"
Beautiful write! Thank you so much for entering!
Leslie
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It is well written and very expresive. a very nice poem.
I love these lines:
"Lovable but no one can see
Amused by all the jealousy
Staying strong
Till the very end"
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Good poem Leesha. Thanks for entering.
Good luck.
Brian -
Your first stanza reads more like a list - while the sentiment is appreciated, I would have liked to see more imagery in the lines.
You are telling me and not showing me. -
awesome...
im not a big fan of acrostics, but i love this one
i really like the 2nd stanza especially the staying strong till the very end part...
i dont know what else to say...its just so...awesome -
i like the rythm it flows very nicely (please dont mind my horrible spelling lol) but i liked it alot
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woah. way cool. i hate to say this though. the only thing i see about this that has to do with friendship is it may tell a story. i mean, i really did liked reading this. it was way good, just not exactly what i'm looking for. way sorry! good luck and good write.
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yea well it does have a long story behind it about someone who was my friend who totally turned against me over jealousy but its ok..thanks for commenting =)
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It's nice to meet people who are inspiring like this. Smiling in the face of adversity...or at least trying. Thank you for entering.
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wow! i love these kind of people. the ones who life has given them every reason to cry but they just smile. thankyou so much for eneringmy contest and best of luck!
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Wow, this was truly an amazing write. I really loved the emotion in this poem. This is kind of how I feel currently. Thank you for your entry, and good luck in my contest.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
Wow, never going to change; pretty powerful stuff in here - thanks for entering my contest
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Normally I don't like acrostics, but this was very touching and had a lot of emotion. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Wow, nice job on this dedication. So much going on emotionally.
Still, very touching. thank you for your entry, be well and be blessed
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Great acrostic. I know these can sound forced sometimes, but yours flowed quite well. Good luck in all those contests!
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let everyone hate what they can't be, me!
lmao! this is really good! i love how you're over coming in the poem! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck!
NineTailedFox -
I thought this poem has a lot of promise, but there are a couple of parts that I cannot help but see some need for improvement. One:
Optimistic that she will make it one day
Just seems a little two long, not part of the flow, kind of awkward. Also the last line, although cute, could be improved to be a little more polished, maybe make it into two lines and reword it a little.
This shows the emotion of betrayls and the relization of something better and not changing who they are for anyone, I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for entering. -
I like the strong undertone of acceptance and motivation; the world needs more poems about loving who you are.
I'm not too keen on the acrostic form - it tends to create breaks in the flow at the ends of each line. You'll notice that the flow stops with each new line as a totally new phrase comes across. I liked where you used enjambment to keep the ideas flowing on to successive lines - "Enraged she will never be / Validated" and "Staying strong/ Till the very end".
Perhaps you could try making more lines flow into each other like those ones.
I adore the weak/seek internal rhyme of lines six and seven; it ties that line together well.
Perhaps you could try to use an overall metaphor or underlying image to hold the whole poem together more tightly.
Thanks for entering.
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lol i really like this one, but i think I've read it before but any way this is definitely my favorite part: "Confused of what she really did wrong Overjoyed of who I've become Memories will forever remain in her heart Accomplished she will be, let everyone hate what they can't be, me!" again i think the reason i like this is because it shows the preciousness of individuality.
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Beautiful.
I love the honest feel of this piece.
And the line :
Optimistic that she will make it one day
is beautiful. I love optimism.
I love the odd snippets of rhyme in this! They really flow well with the piece and dont appear fored at all.
Well done! This is a beautiful poem.
Thank you for entering and goodluck!
Arc-En-Ciel--x -
this, over all is a pretty awesome! seriously i couldn't find any thing wrong =], my favorite line was:
"Confused of what she really did wrong
Overjoyed of who I've become
Memories will forever remain in her heart
Accomplished she will be, let everyone hate what they can't be, me!"
that main reason thats my favorite stanza is because of the last line. it speaks to me in a good way lol well thats all good luck and great job! -
Wow..I can tell that you put your heart and soul into this..it's so honest and I love it! I really like the last line..beautiful!!
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Hi there,,
A fantastic write small one, I love the honesty and in your face attitude you have here...
Keep that strong thought process going in your writing and keep that self belief...you are a good writer and I look forward to reading and competing you you more...
Simon
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