Why doesn't the mirror answer anymore?
I asked it the question but I only see her
shrouded in waves of the darkest coal and opal
glimmering in the visage they tell me is a face
her lips parted like a cheskire cat
she smiles
why doesn't my reflection turn and pirouette
but only smiles in shadows and the broken fingers of dolls
starfish for teeth, skin of feathers
red, red like blood and dreams of dresses and shadows
the silver of old, ancient afternoons
spent playing chess with drunk uncles and other
memories of men
in the end, there's no one
and perfection
because if,
she pulls up her dress
yes, she pulls up that white dress
she'll see only the ivory ribs of whales
and the round gloves of moonflesh they so covet
and she'll whisper "no"
"there's no one here"
"no one loved,
nor beautiful,
nor fair"
Author notes
Broken Floorboards
A contest entry
- Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *Ages 15 and Under* Broken Floorboards. by Fallen Under Light.
300 points, ended May 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think, pretty please!
Comments
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A decent write, but slightly what I would term as unnecessarily dark, maybe even leaning towards emo- Although I hate the word.
There are some good descriptives in here like "coal and opal," but I really feel like with a better structure, better background, and cutting out generic phrases/lines, this would be much better. The title fits, and it will be considered when I judge this.
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
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I chose this poem for your contest because i was really proud of it and it had been really well received in my other web site.
I had a really good feeling about it, so when I saw your contest I wanted to know what other people (poets) actually thought about it.
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