Today is the day.
We are going together;
to the movies.
What did mom say about this one?
Me, the obedient one.
You were always
the more exciting one,
and the more adventurous.
We would always
have so much fun.
We went to the beach,
and flirted with guys.
I finally got
someone's number!!!
You helped me
to believe in myself.
When we went
to that party,
and I got left in the shadows.
You came and hang out with me.
You finally got me
to come out onto
the dance floor,
and have confidence in myself.
You were always
the smarter one too.
It was always so hard
to follow in your footsteps.
I'm your little sister,
and you're the one
that I look up to,
forever and ever.
You will always be
my older sister.
I love you.
A contest entry
- Family! =] by LeBrooke.
475 points, ended June 8, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Very well done!! :]]
i think this is good...:]]. a good point of veiw for a lil sis. -
this is amazing!!!
-
Needs work . . .
you used hang instead of hung ,etc.. That being said, I was in drama for a very long time and I have been writing for almost as long. I went to work and thought I gave up drama but discovered I was on stage all of the time. I write and sometimes I'm good and sometimes not but I know all the rules and studied it intensely for a long time and learned how to write as others see it and what rules I could and couldn't (or wanted not to) break. Whatever you do learn everything you can about its craft and then do it, and do it, and do it some more. The best advice I can give about writing is a quote, "Writers tell lies to show the truth." Write what you want others to see not what you see or feel. How can I use words to manipulate their mind, not mine. Keep writing, acting, and (most importantly) living. -
firstly, I'd say, don't make life-altering decisions such as career choice over one piece. Especially because this poem isn;t that great. I can't even say about potential because i feel like this was not that well-written. but just because this poem is awful doesn't mean all of your work is. Maybe you still could be a writer or an actor or both. I suggest that you reflect on the basics of good poetry and what meanign you want to express.
Sincerely,
Arielle Giselle
Adding your comment:
