The ringing in my head won’t stop
a shrill crispness
that pulls me to my knees.
Violet wisps of smoke
cocaine nasal drip
pale-faced and alone
clasp the porcelain…
and heave away the poison
Tongue a papered texture
silhouette of healthiness;
the way they all mistook
my right hand on the book…
fanning the flames of truth.
Author notes
My AP name is Howlinginpain.
A contest entry
- For The Simple Minded by Dalaney.
900 points, ended March 29, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think I was trying to say here?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I agree with Laura's comment - otherwise, this is a very good poem and what I was hoping for when I started this contest. I truly enjoyed reading this. Love, Lane
-
L3...personal preference only, "puts"...I'd change it to "pulls", simply for the consonance of that stanza.
L6, I'd also do this..."pale-faced"
(I should come with a public health warning strapped to my chest)
An excellent read here that makes very good use of the words provided.
Thanks for sharing.
Laura x
-
-
Thanks for your comment! I took your advice and appreciate it, those work a lot better. Oh, and please don't mention your chest, men are weak.
-
-
Would thou prefer it if I stuck it to my forehead instead?
-
-
I think, in the interests of those who share my gender, that would be an excellent idea!
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
