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rising...




On scented air
a rose
and she was my flower

touching petal tips

parched lips welcomed
precious oasis,
'neath sky of night

Venus carried darkness
before rising Beauty

pale moonlight

became her skin.




A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • tara wilson gold member
    April 8, 2008

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    "pale moonlight
    became her skin."

    This poem is gentle. Its mood is soft & sensual, its flow, slow & sexy. I love this, I think this is
    absolutely gorgeous poetry - thanks so much for this beautiful entry.


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 7, 2008

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    This is lovely poetry, PK - I really like this one. Short, succinct yet still you've managed to create a sense of light here... the moon rising as metaphor for her skin...truly beautiful visuals here.

    I also liked the softness, as well as the way you've applied alliteration. Yep, i like this!

    Thank you for this entry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Mari Goes gold member
    April 6, 2008
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    You've captured the senses, touch, sight, smell. A beautiful collection of feelings. I especially like the last two lines, 'the pale moonlight on her skin'. It is soft and sensitive and captures the feelings showed in the three poems.
    So nicely done!
    Thanks H for this lovely entry.


  • SeptemberFaith
    March 28, 2008
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    Wow.... this is beautiful. Words like these, make my heart melt. Nicely done! =)

  • ichigosama
    March 27, 2008

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    ichigosama

    wow, you really applied the senses and imagery very well. lines 7, 8, 9, and 10 was the best. it's a very sensitive poem.


  • Yemassee gold member
    March 27, 2008

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    The senses, that's what I think those three poems focus was on...the softness of each playing an important part in their mood and desires. And that is what you saw and followed, scented air, the touch of petals, and of course sight ("pale moonlight became her skin")

    I think of all the entries, this is the one that most follows those gentle cues.

    I'm pretty much ignorant when it comes to what women like but I'll venture that they'll certainly enjoy this entry.


    • Peteskid gold member
      March 27, 2008
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      ahh what women like...now that would make for another interesting contest..., thanks so much for reading and your kind words...PK


  • Nature Song silver member
    March 27, 2008

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    A perfect vision of beauty. Under the pale moonlight, the rose color of her lips. Very captivating poem my friend. So sensous and very creative lines. Nicely done. ~Sie


  • secberm
    March 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Write on, broher. One.

    Dez

1 - 9 of 9