I. Narcissus in a window.
Beneath a borrowed
beany hat
he marches through the newsagent door
fumbling in fake military style
jacket pockets-
and between thumb and 3rd finger
produces
a blackened dog - end.
He stops
makes an extravagant show
of cupping his hands
then lights it-
spitting his first mouthful of nicotine onto the burning match
with pure theatrical venom
as he struts alongside
a super - cool peacock all the way down
the high street.
II. Ah, nectar.
Every dark night he
staggers in
wearing the same old mildewed
jerkin
hands thrust deep inside multi - coloured
denim pockets
fumbling for his knees
it seems.
'Pint.'
He grunts with a sniff.
With beer towel slung over the shoulder
and a surly nod
the landlord
starts pumping his tipple into a tankard-
one short
creamy head later
the regular
is supping like a good 'un.
'Aaah, nectar', he exclaims.
'More!'
'Eh, easy tiger.'
Replies the baggy mouthed barman.
'That's my steradent you've just necked.
Your pint is over here.'
III. Breakfast at Henry Street.
She sits crunching
crusts-
pensive
in pretty pink pyjamas.
Long
lustrous locks
swathe beautiful bra - less
breasts
in glorious golden
curls.
Crumby plates
of egg yolk pile up
around her
arse-
which farts.
All
the fucking
time.
IV. Pigeons.
As he ponders chess moves on salt
and pepper pots
a 45 year old couple sit opposite
in buttered white bread
silence
eating their all day breakfasts
like pigeons.
Neither ask the reason-
it seems
they both already know.
V. Through rose tinted glass.
He spies her painting smiles
on smoky finger
nails
with a splaying brush
and spasmodic
tic-
morose
on their (non - coitus)
marital bed.
And recollects
the times when they looked ahead-
through rose tinted glasses
of turps.
Author notes
FLOORBOARDS (is my name). WARNING. This contest is completely unexpected. By entering, you are agreeing to the following terms of us:
- We have the right to make you write in any form/style/type of poetry there is on this planet. We will literally murder ourselves sometimes by trying to find even at least one bizarre form. But, then again, you may have easy things too. Or maybe not. You never know.
- We have the right to make you vote for other contestant. You may have to vote other contestants out, or vote to give contestants immunity, or even vote them president, or never vote for them at all. Again, you never know. We don't know either.
- We have the right to eliminate as many people as we want. We may not eliminate anyone until like the second last round. Or we may eliminate almost everyone in the first round and have the contest super short. Again, you never know!
- We have the right to make you write on any genre. Orangutans from Pluto, hope, hatred, beauitful underwear. Please don't enter if you are easily offended, as you may have to write on some touchy or controversial topics. Or, you may not. You just can't tell!
- We have the right to disqualify you if we are not pleased by your behaviour, or actions, or something with your poetry (though, most likely not the last one). Though, this is unplanned, you still need to be respectful.
- We have the right to be completely honest with your work. Whatever we say is only said to help you improve as a poet.
- We have the right to run this contest any way we want to. Because thats the way it goes.
- We have the right to throw any twists into this contest as we want to, especially if is for our own amusement.
- Mostly, we have the right to make you grow as a poet, and enjoy yourself.
I, _Alex Jarzyna_____ agree that I have read these terms of use and will hereby abide by the law.
My name is Alex Jarzyna and I am a lion tamer. This is a poem attempting to show the different stages of a boy growing up in "Everytown", and his ultimate disappointment and sadness as he himself reaches middle - age.
A contest entry
- Your Absolute Best Prewrite by Heavens Child.
800 points, ended April 25, 2008, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suitable-for-Publishing Poetry Contest. Prewrites welcome. by Expat4Cebu.
500 points, ended May 30, 2008, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rant. by broken-colours.
700 points, ended November 22, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seashells by KevinDunn.
550 points, ended December 2, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want new favourites. by broken-colours.
400 points, ended December 2, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me find my muse! by Chazz.
4500 points, ended December 27, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me anything! by ASmileForYou.
560 points, ended December 16, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. by Melissa Gayle.
700 points, ended December 22, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Year by Bean Sidhe.
1350 points, ended January 3, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all the prewrites you want (theres a catch) by serenity silvermoon.
400 points, ended January 7, 299 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything and everything, just entertain me by Luciferschild.
800 points, ended January 27, 124 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - COME ONE! COME ALL! QUICKY FOR 200 PEOPLE! by Umi Juvariel.
800 points, ended January 21, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write the best poem in history. by DumbBaby.
900 points, ended February 3, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - silver I by Salty Hibiscus.
450 points, ended February 6, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 tr0phies! wh00t! by amaranthine lover.
1750 points, ended February 17, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - something more by halfpast4ever.
650 points, ended February 24, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Favorites? by L3vity.
1000 points, ended February 23, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETRY PODCAST - Showcasing your work. by Thom Boulton.
700 points, ended April 1, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lead me to the edge of what can be expressed in poetry by herrlurch.
800 points, ended March 27, 12 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A character Indeed by Emmyb.
760 points, ended March 16, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~*~Your absolute Best~*~*~ by Night Terrors.
550 points, ended March 26, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pretty much a free-for-all, Boys and Girls. by Cherry Hades.
400 points, ended April 20, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - think you should be on my favorites? let me know why. by stasis.
400 points, ended April 25, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by Dryad Enya.
650 points, ended June 26, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Really good poetry. by Aedara-Wren.
470 points, ended July 28, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything! by XxLoverOfDarknessxX.
900 points, ended August 6, 88 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Prewrite by Not-The-Sun.
850 points, ended August 8, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I
Comments
1 - 72 of 72
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i enjoyed reading this several times. your words were creative, as is your style and the flow of this. Thank you for sharing
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I liked this. It was good.
Wonderfully written. WOW! keep up the good work! thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Very interesting, a poem about the every day about something strangely sad but also making it more meaningful than that, making the tedium of peoples lives into art. I like that. I like the vulgarity in parts of it to make that point even stronger, this is not beauty its in some parts plain grossness but it still creates something bigger than that. Well written.
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a 45 year old couple sit opposite
in buttered white bread
silence
cool -
I'd say it was unique, whether in a good way of bad away i have yet to decide and it will deffantly need to be re-read but it holds a great skill to keep me hooked so if you win or not remember you did super to keep captivated!
Good luck and best wishes
Gorecki -
a great, crashing, thoughtful, epic write. fantastically formed and beautifully built.
well done again on this massive beauty! -
Thank you for entering my contest. I'm looking forward to the final judging round. Best of luck, Götz
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lol funny and cool write. the imagery you penned is groovy. thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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I laughed when I got to the woman who farts. That was so simply written that it caught me off guard. I liked this piece for it's randomness, and even more for it's humor. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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weird but good and original, i liked the overall theme to it and the flow was very nice, thank you for entering and good luck
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A.C.L. 90/100
Extremely interesting, some parts are amising
Very vivid and lifelike.
It reads very much like a story to me, more of a story in verse than anything else, which is good; something of a twist off the original epic ballad, if I dare say
Thanks for sharing with the group.
Total --- 90/ 100
Creativity --- 10/10
Rhythm and Flow --- 18/20
Poetic Devices --- 8/10
Personal Appeal --- 8.5/10
Readability --- 10/10
Spelling / Grammar --- 20/20
Title --- 8.5/10
Impact --- 7/10
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Interesting.
Thank you for your entry & good luck in the contest
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Personally I didn't care for the line spacing but that is completely personal preference.
Honestly, I think I like four the best but five is right there too.
Great use of imagery and story -
There were a few spelling errors but I was able to understand it either way. A very unique write! Thanks for entering!
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A great write! I see you've entered this in a few different contests. I'm sure you'll do well in them all. Great writing here. Thanks for your entry and your help!
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yes.
I disliked the first and second part - but it picked up rapidly after that.
You're in, congrats x.
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/UNPLANNED%20as%20unexpected%20as%20you
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What the hell are you on?
Please, give me some. I need it.
This is epic and genius.
a 45 year old couple sit opposite
in buttered white bread
silence
eating their all day breakfasts
like pigeons.
Neither ask the reason-
it seems
they both already know.
That's brilliant.
This poem is brilliant.
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Yes
Wonderful characterization, imagery and emotion.
I would be nuts to say no!
Please wait for Chandni's comment. -
Do you get any inspiration from E.E. Cummings? Kinda reminds me of Cummings' style. I like it! Very thought provoking! Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest! -Liz
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This is quite a unique write, and was very interesting to read. I like your author's notes here too. Great job on something different than the normal. Thanks so much for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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This is a style new to me, and has given me much admired dedication to put a piece like this in my wpic, especially about the beany hat, I liked that, I'll book mark this for more reads. The small digestive chuncks make this excellent reading.
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very interesting piece.. makes me think. thank you for entering.
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Nice piece!
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Wow this goes against the grain in a good way. I love the story you tell for us. Best of luck in the contest.
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rules
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What a beautiful write, a great entry for this contest. A perfectly penned write with great flow and good imagery. Thank you for the entry. Keep the pen flowing...the pleasure was all mine.
Nevadapoet
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Again another poem which has entered the same poem in different contests. Dispise this i think your poems a good write!
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Hi. I thought the poem was very interesting to read, and I looked forward to the next "chapter". But I was disappointed to see that it had been entered into so many contests, and already won 2 trophies. Without that, I would have surely put this in the finaists list, but I would rather not, as other people would appreciate it more, obviously.
Thanks for entering.
skitza
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This is definately something different, you capture every facet of a mundane life, with a little added humour to boot,well done and best to you
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As poetry, not exactly exceptional, as prose, very clever. You are in the wrong medium my friend. It's like trying to paint the potato eaters with a trombone.
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The imagery is awesome. Thank you for giving me a chance to enjoy this wonderful poem.
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The imagery, and somewhat sardonic view - made this a treat for me to read. Lovely work, my friend.
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in pretty pink pyjamas.
Long
lustrous locks
swathe beautiful bra - less
breasts
in glorious golden
curls.
Crumby plates
of egg yolk pile up
around her
arse-
which farts.
you excell in startling descriptions...pretty poetry that does fart excellence.Golden locks that prettily lock meanings. Great piece.Thanks for sharing.Please visit some of my poetry as well. -
I liked this a lot. clever observations...
Im more positive than you but I liked the way you put this together
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I like it, it's just observations without a lot of explanations, works for me; of course in my town it would be different, cause we're not in Great Britain, and boy are we different anyway.
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Most interesting take on this poem
Well done and the skit like way you wrote it is great good luck in the contest
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This is a really great poem,
keep up the good work,
Thank you for entering the contest.
And good luck
♥ christina -
this is a really great poem. I really like, thanks for entering my contest. ♥ christina
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oooh i love poems like this, written as if the author walked and wrote the sights, smells, sounds, of their life. i love the descritions of people, the people are clear, and interesting, its a gift to lend interest to a seemingly mundane person in a mundane place. its funny that we only see people like this when we get older, its a mixed blessing, at times its funny, at others the disillusionment is sad. thanks for the entry, this was a good read.
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Don't ask me why I like it.
I couldn't -- if my life depended on it -- tell you what I like about this poem. Is that good? Hell if I know!
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you know i think this is a great poem , have you added to this since i last read it?
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Only1love4ever-Reply
Understandably so. Life has its many stages to go thru. Some of us just seem not able to go as quickly as others. It is creative and has a good strong voice. You are a true writer and you use your strategy well. It is balanced, but sadly so many do not understand. I can remember when I was little and so much wanted to grow up, now as I am a little older, I am wishing time would just stop. Not quite from sadness or disappointment, but for the sure fact that I'm not quite ready for this stage of my life to go on!
Great poem!
Thankyou for such a wonderful contribution to this contest.
I loved it and it was most enjoyable.
God Bless you dear friend.
Have a great day!
~Only1love4ever -
I found it interesting and I really like it. However, I feel like there was little that connected the three and din't know what you were trying to do until I read your autor's notes. I think if you worked on this, the poem could be AMAZING. It really did catch my eye and the imagery is magnificent. I thought it was about five different people at first, though.
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I get it!
Wish I had some of your style. It is probably a shade too realistic for others. Your voice is painted well into your poetry. I wouldn't even attempt to outdo it. Thanks for very 'interesting' share.
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very creative and original. An enjoyable read. I fear I may have dq'ed the mate to this poem, however the links on your pages do not work. Sorry, but I must dq this as well.
Some well earned applause for these poems.
Rory
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An interesting write..vivid imagery.
Many blessings
~A~
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Thank you very much for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Very impressive. I had to read it a couple of times to drink it all in. I love the originality of your style, and how you connected everything together. Though by the comments it is not necessarily understood by all, this is not a reflection on you dear poet. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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Thank you very much indeed.
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This is interesting with each number by itself, but I don't understand the point to this poetry. Thank you for entering.
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This was very orginal and wel crafted. I really enjoyed reading this, because it's not everday you see this style of poetry. I appreciate it. Great write!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Seems like i've heard some of this before. Did you jigsaw puzzle a few poems together to make this masterpiece?
"She sits crunching
crusts-
pensive
in pretty pink pyjamas.
Long
lustrous locks
swathe beautiful bra - less
breasts
in glorious golden
curls."... my favorite part.
The longest poem i've read by you i'm sure.
Grabs and holds your attention.
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this was a very enjoyable read and not what I expected for some reason... i commend you
Jack -
indeed this is all things we either see or go through. So thank you for writing what so many others are afraid to write about; their family members and best friends. I loved this poem. Good luck in my contest
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TALES FROM EVERYTOWN, INDEED!
Although this piece seems to come from a town in England - it could be from many a town - all over the world - and shows the stages of an ordinary fellow growing up - to find that life has passed him by and that he has grown quite older very fast - as seems to be the case with most all of us! Life goes by in the blink of an eye and come become just a dream of fragmented scenes - just as have presented so well here! GOOD LUCK in the contest with this visual piece!
Peace & Love!
Earl.
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It really cuts doesn't it, no matter which way the blade turned. I think this is an aspect of life that we just gloss over and I am so thrilled that you have laid it out and brought it light. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
LIked the division of time here, the flow and how the parts are connected. Creative use of space. Everytown a respresentative of any place in our place of residence.
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Oh. This is a great set of poems that you have penned in here. I don't think I would have taken it to be about the same person every time but I did see how they correlated with each other. They all seem kind of understated in the way you wrote them but they're still sticking in my mind. So I thought you did a great job with these.
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yes it your flavor and its different
its realy cool and you have went outside the box.
confusion, no not i i got it all and i loved the images you gave me in this outstanding poem .
i liked the different stages in this poem alot.
i like you title it fit perfect
and your first line was great
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yes i would have to agree with SurelyWritten.. i have only read it once and i think i might have to read it again im not sure im geting it.. I will read it later.. let this time soak in and maybe i will get it.. its interesting..
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I'm honestly struggling to comment on this- I read it last night before bed, and again just now, and I'm torn with what to say. I love some of the images you created and at the same time, I think you used too many adjectives in several places for instanc,
I loved the image of "one short creamy head later," but then here, there are too many adjectives, "fumbling in fake military style jacket pockets-"
You paint excellent pictures with your words, but sometimes you use to many words to do so- Clustering adjectives can negatively impact your writing.
Other than that- I liked the poem itself. I did not mind the length because you kept the lines short and spaced out. I liked the structure, it flowed very well. And I am very fond of the ending, the title is very creative too- Well done.
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
excellent imagery, especially the first part. I felt like I could really see the whole thing, the movement, the swagger of his walk..
I also like the idea of snapshots of someone's life. well done =)
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I think your imagery was good. There was some confusion as I read along. For instance if you are going to write one piece in third person and another in first they don't flow well together. Perhaps if you edit one or the other. I do wish you the best.
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It's own flavor, Alex
Your poetry emits an aroma unfamiliar but not unpleasant in these parts
It makes one look up and around the street wondering what is cooking-
what wondrous unknown bit of spices from a bazaar have been brought home and merged with some average meat to make the tummy and nostrils take notice
Glad you claimed your work for now I know, it's a Scottish dish but will take a while to get there.
Good work . Maybe I missed it but one familiar word or phrase would serve to link them if found in each one. Great spin on the beautiful girl.
Tecohe
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Really amazing.
I would almost call it perfect.
Either way; intriguing. -
"Short Cuts" in poetry?
It is this everyday-ness put into scene/ arranged that I like here. And the enjambements (e.g., l. 76-84) are excellent and wisely chosen. Good luck for the contest, I found this a poem that grows and unfolds during the lecture from ordinary to something great. All the best, Herrlurch
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Cool
I really enjoyed this read. I didn't want it to end. Great job with the word choices also. ~Gar -
it Was A GuD pOeM!!!i lYkD iT!!!gUd LuCk In THe CoNtEsT!!!
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A truly intrigueing write, I could almost hear the brogue as the words slipped through my mind. Excellant write.
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Liked this collection of bits and pieces you have put together from your poetry for this contest. An interesting way of doing this.
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The angst and disappointment build
until consummated (and concentrated) in the last 4 lines.
Superlative write. You're going in my favorites. I want to see what you come up with next.
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This sounded vaguely familiar...lol....went and checked the contest, came back and now there's a title...lol
I understand, now, that this is a collection of sorts from other writes - put together to make a new poem...MOL.....
I like what you've put together here.....connects and reads well.
best wishes in your contest.
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