It felt like I had swallowed sharp stones.
Soon animated, they slowly slithered up my throat--
Dragging my stomach behind them like a limp parachute
that didn't open in time.
The butterflies that flutter between my ribs
are drunk off his breath and colliding against my skin.
With damp wings they bellyflop into the gap between us.
He confuses the beating of wings
with the beating of a heart I don't have.
[[ I don't have it in me to correct his mistake.]]
Trips to the gas station with passanger seats backwards and belts unbuckled-- gasoline spills from my eyes.
I waited to catch fire.
Only when our skin was charred
did we dare to call it desire.
He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
I wallowed as he swallowed her words with hunger.
I knew he would starve -- she had nothing to say.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
He puts me on hold, but I still don't feel his arms around me.
Is it moving on if you know it's only temporairy?
I do not listen to my conscience because it shares his voice.
A belt of stars hung from his hips.
A collection of the brightest
to make him shine.
Girl, you'll burn out
and fall into dust at his feet.
[[Forget his face because I know all to well
that he has already forgotten yours.]]
Author notes
I haven't written a single thing in three full months
Its horrible, but I'm writing.
A contest entry
- pretty much ANYTHING goes. by etoile.
825 points, ended January 11, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; [&my weakness is that i care too much♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
1200 points, ended January 18, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
9
Wow. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I loved your imagery. It was so brilliant and just very well penned. Welcome to the finalists♥ -
i love this. the imagery is beautiful, and it's so well written.
He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
---
that's amazing. it's my favourite part.
thanks for entering and goodluck
-
I adore this poem, I've had it bookmarked for months and it has the same impact on me now as it did months ago.
I adore it,
This poem couldn't possibly be any closer to perfection.
The only reason I didn't say it is perfection is because I don't believe such a thing exists... but if it did, this would so be it =]
I'm off to read more of your work
Shelly
x
-
It felt like I had swallowed sharp stones.
Soon animated, they slowly slithered up my throat--
Dragging my stomach behind them like a limp parachute
that didn't open in time
oh hunny. this is waht poetry is all about. and all poetry is all about, findign a gem like this, I havent read stuff of yours for a while and this is lovely definetly not horrible at all, you just wow.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
SQUEAAL! you've made me remember why i liked writing so much, i love this whole poem no criticism just love,
xxxx
-
this is really good..
=]
-
Amazing
I've read some of the poems in this contest, but this one strikes me. You did a very good job !!
My favorite was:
"Trips to the gas station with passanger seats backwards and belts unbuckled-- gasoline spills from my eyes.
I waited to catch fire.
Only when our skin was charred
did we dare to call it desire."
-
I could have sworn behind clenched teeth you muttered “I understand” but sweetie, those words died when your love ran out.
thats absolutely beautiful,
and you should be proud of this
i havent written a word in months
and if i do it most definitely be this stellar
-
-
thank you loveee
-
-
"He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
I wallowed as he swallowed her words with hunger.
I knew he would starve -- she had nothing to say.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
He puts me on hold, but I still don't feel his arms around me.
Is it moving on if you know it's only temporairy?
I do not listen to my conscience because it shares his voice.
"
I'm so glad you wrote, and that I didn't miss this!
I've missed you lots.. and I lovelovelove your words!
you're so imaginative and creative and I can hardly stand it. even if you haven't been writing lately.
♥ you forever.
-
-
awww thanks. ily imissyou
-
-
i really like this thank you so much
-
-
Amazing!
Beautfiul work as always and even though the words may not come as easily as before, at least they're coming. This poem is EXACTLY how I feel too. I've been at a loss for words or rather they're just misplaced and I don't know how to find them. The first stanza was genius, great opening. Very emotional and beautiful poem, Jane
Fave lines:
He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
I wallowed as he swallowed her words with hunger.
I knew he would starve -- she had nothing to say.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
He puts me on hold, but I still don't feel his arms around me.
Is it moving on if you know it's only temporairy?
I do not listen to my conscience because it shares his voice.
-
-
<333thank you
-
-
hun i am sooooo glad to see that your writing again!
and this was ...omg gorgeous.
i do have to say the beginning was so strong and the ending kind of lacked that stregnth but i still say thats pretty damn good for not writing for three whole months! keep it up hun!
-
-
Yea. ive been a little inspiration dead. but... at least its something
-
-
i'm glad to see you're writing again, because it's brilliant.
The butterflies that flutter between my ribs
are drunk off his breath and colliding against my skin.
With damp wings they bellyflop into the gap between us.
He confuses the beating of wings
with the beating of a heart I don't have.
[[ I don't have it in me to correct his mistake.]]
He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
I wallowed as he swallowed her words with hunger.
I knew he would starve -- she had nothing to say.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
He puts me on hold, but I still don't feel his arms around me.
Is it moving on if you know it's only temporairy?
I do not listen to my conscience because it shares his voice.
i know i copied && pasted quite a bit...but i absolutely loved those stanzas. the imagery blew me away. beautiful.
♥
-
Well I'm so glad you're back writing something! Anything is great from you. You are definitely the most un-cliche person I've ever known. I loved the saying "He was a word thief."
animated
-
well i am so glad that you entered love.
a contest isn't a contest without you. ♥
i absolutely LOVED this part:
"
He was a word thief, who had me crying before I realised I had been hurt-- his promises disguised as smiles.I cannot call this darkness because it's too shallow--I can still breathe.
I wallowed as he swallowed her words with hunger.
I knew he would starve -- she had nothing to say.
I am rusting at the knees because ever since he left
I've refused to stand down.
He puts me on hold, but I still don't feel his arms around me.
Is it moving on if you know it's only temporairy?
I do not listen to my conscience because it shares his voice."
it says everything i've been trying to say, for far too long.
mind if i put it on my page?
ilyyy.♥
-
-
I don't mind at all doll.
It's not enough but its all I have right now
he took my words with him when he left.
Love ya
-
-
i particularly enjoyed the second stanza. not sure why it stuck with me, but it did.
i went through that same rut. thats why i keep starting new accounts.
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
