Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

bottle it, spray.



fall.. sway
nothing more than you writing about
the same things
expiring, growing with the pages
new words, you want me to impress?

i'm tired of you tired of wanting needing
not needing just feeling you rising up my neck watching
this bleed i'll care share pain just don't need me
don't see me don't watch me and we'll be fine we'll be
fine we'll all be

fine. cliche!

dots expanding transpiring pointing random
simple words simple going off the
ending to begin. start fresh as i dive in the cold
discovering the feel of pebbles bruising the skin
being smothered one too many times.

a momental break off the tension that thrives off
beads of perspiration in the black fabric of my
steering wheel braking for the pedestrians stealing
the thoughts off my head. will you stay in the year
ahead.. will i end up with no conclusions?

self and mind, selfish mind. selfish? touch the textures
off the wall of my room that never stays shut, locked
and occasionally screened. say you know me through words
as words appear on screen. say i know myself as thoughts appear
on the kitchen sink. wet and dirty dishes. clean.

liked the distractions through the glass unwinding, as long
as the mind stays fine. as long as the world keeps the air i'll
be gazing. you like the sarcasm off of the quiet that i
provide. i like the quiet for other reasons i don't
provide. watching the screen for custom buys. make me happy.

exultation. simplicity in picture frames. if only it was a
game, life playing off the same situations. if i were the
pawn i created, that allowed you to move freely. if i never
cared. never care never never.. don't want to anymore.

i apologize because i.. honestly don't care enough.

Author notes

more thought vomit.

option 3 on clinical depression (and yes, i've been diagnosed.)

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • Nicole Hanna
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This, I think, definitely fits the definition of raw. It's vomit, and not bad vomit lol, but I don't think it's necessarily clean vomit either. Perhaps it's personal preference more than anything else, but the run-on thoughts seem disjointed and confusing. It IS an emotional spewing, but there needs to be some internal editing when writing something like this to keep it "clean", which is the balance we're looking for. Clean poetry with emotional rawness. Again, I'm not sure it can be done, lol, but onerios is holding out hope. We'll see what she says here. Oh, and please don't reply to or rate my comment until the contest is judged. I would like to keep this as anonymous as possible. Thanks


  • Bleak Cult ure
    March 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Some of the lines in this poem really stood out.

    I read it a few times and it is one of my favorites that you have written.

    It all blends nicely together.

  • WithoutWings
    March 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice

    I like this a lot. The style of it resonates with me. Sometimes when I am very depressed, it seems like my thoughts race, flitting from one thought to another. A very nice representation of the effects depression can have on you. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • kinfolkn
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really really liked this poem. Not only because I can relate to being clinically depressed, but because your free flowing, abstract style is really affective and almost reminded me of beat generation poetry(some of the best in my opinion). Really nice job good luck in the contest.