Blinded and A Broken Heart Repaired

I've been  blinded by some
strange force
lost in a  fog that i'm just
coming out of
I can't really be sure if it was
unrequitted love or if
bits and pieces of unrequited love 
dotted the surface

My heart  is finally recovering
regrowing if you will
after such a long time of being broken.
A wilted rose from  love of the requitted type
that happened in the summery haven  of New London
amongst pink truck and  survival of the scabies plague
of summmer 2007

I've been avoding admitting the truth for so long
that I hung on to feelings that weren't reciprocated
not that they could be anyway  because he was gay
I knew that from the start


With that kind of knowledge  I don't know
what pierced  so sharply at my heart
and it took me so long to get over the
various emotions  I was feeling

Fear  which still exists
because there seem to be so many unknowns to
this equation
wheater or not he forgives me
he seems to although  I can only assume so much
without having actually emailed him since November.
Fear that he'll forget me and all the fun  we had together
in that summer haven of New London
I was so stupid  and naive
hopefully he can forgive me for  handling the situation
so immaturely
so much  hangs in the balance
there is so much that I don't know


I go back  and  between missing him
and no longer missing him at all
between the distance between us killing me softly
or barley killing me at all

Brother/sister connection
that's the kind of love  I felt for him
it can't go  deeper than that
the  crush was so mediocre and miniscule
that it didn't really matter in the big scheme of things

I want to gain closure somehow
to all these unknowns which still remain
but there seems  no way to fully gain closure
without knowing that he forgives me
and if he still wants to be my friends

When the pastor says  add your own
prayers and concerns
I bow my head looking at my folded handss
and  say  to myself
"Will please forgive me for my insecurities
that led to our falling out
please realize  I still want to be your friend
and  that  I look back on  our  times in New London fondly
I miss you.
That's all  I'm leaving you with"