A million days of filled repast
Enjoyment unconcurred
Hollow wisdoms, half truths
Obsequity unparallel
To return to a king’s life
A king’s ransom wanted
Futile a king
With no coffers granted.
Learnt men of a dark future
A sudden slow envisaged
Myriad emotions manifested
In the eyes of the warrior
I am rich but a beggar
A richness wanted
Futile a king
With no courage granted.
Measured footsteps follow
Ordered chaos of a life dead
Ravages of a war
Remnants of a bright past
The life of an eidolon
A life wanted
Futile a king
With no kingdom granted.
Author notes
PLEASE WORKSHOP MY POEM
A contest entry
- THE WORKSHOP CONTEST-BIG POINTS!!!! by Amy Meneses.
1700 points, ended April 12, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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This seems sort of flat, I would love to see more imagery here to bring this to life and give your reader an image to go on. Your word choice makes this read a bit too listy as well. For your re-write I think you should elaborate more on the visual aspect to this and maybe a more concrete ending.
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Ummm...what kind of an image? I'll try with the imagery. Could you define listy, please?
I could not figure out what was wrong with this poem so I thought entering it here would help
so thank you for your input!
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