You asked to see my face
but you loved the moon
till you saw
in close-up
its craters
You admired so much
the grace and dignity
of swimming swans
till you spotted
those toiling legs
You once revered life
laughed abandonedly
flirted and frollicked
danced on oceans depth
till you saw the gravedigger
You will not find what you seek
am freckle-flawed
by trip-wire razors
the skin-scarred tracks
of acidic tears
My words so sweet
have melted you
but the verbal vision
distorts the truth
....your swan swims to you
Author notes
pic credit:By Richard Smallbone on Flickr
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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:))))))
your choice of words touch my inner heart...well done! i surely enjoy reading your great and wonderful poems
a
for a great choice of words
juliet
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aww thats kinda sad and yet so touching in a loving way....very well written
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Funny how some who claim to see beyond the surface are not really looking now, are they? Beautifully written.
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I love this! It's so sweet. It's beauty is beyond words. This is a amazing write. ^-^
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I love this!! What I got from it is that this person first saw beauty,then looked away from it,and began to see the ugliness,the grotesque image of things...
Very well portrayed... -
lovely write
very nice.. the words i liked so much. they touch me deeply.. as i know who you are, you are a very deep person.. i liked everyword.. very intense of feelings. your poems speaks so much things to me and the real you is the one i feel close.
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A lovely write ....
to stress a sad reality: we are often judged by external factors, while the internal being, the immortal, is set aside.
Wondrous poem.
Why are you leaving AP? Or: to be more positive: Do not leave.
Blessed be.
Myra
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It is amusing to see how matters that are being criticized are applied at the same time without questioning. As long as an object's space is not invaded, what is perceived to be ugliness will be filtered out, perhaps in order to neatly fit observations in the frames of reference that are deeply cherished. It is the type of attention that never got this world anywhere and I wonder if it applies to poetry too. Thank you for creating and sharing a thought provoking poetical expression. Take care,
Chris
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this is such a beautifully sad poem. amazing. absolutely amazing.
my favorite stanzas are:
You will not find what you seek
am freckle-flawed
by trip-wire razors
the skin-scarred tracks
of acidic tears
My words so sweet
have melted you
but the verbal vision
distorts the truth
the first stanza has great imagery. and i love the ending of the 2nd one. great choice of words.
keep it up.
i'll be reading more of your work!
. Rewarded 8
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Beautiful.
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I love this poem. It's beautiful in its sadness and tragedy. Each stanza is perfect in its description. I'd love to know what prompted this poem although I may know.
The last line was especially powerful. Another brilliant piece. Thank you
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Not sure what the prompt was in this contest you were in, but I did enjoy the poem, never the less. Liked the alliteration you used throughout these lines, and the deeper meaning I feel is in here - keep writing.
. Rewarded 4
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he wasnt in a contest.
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Am at loss for words, sorry.
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A deeply thoughtful poem that takes the picture prompt and uses it so well. But...couldn't quite get
"You will not find what you seek
am freckle-flawed
by trip-wire razors
the skin-scarred tracks
of acidic tears"
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Powerful, emotional and moving! Nicely done!
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This is such a sad poem, although well-written, with flawless imagery. It allows no possibility for love to see beyond the surface, so turning the regenerative power of love into destuctive pain of
self flagellation. Yes, experience of life writes deep into the surface, but the heart grows stronger by learning and sharing. Remember the image of the swan - paired, always, by the shadow of self that accompanies him, whether willed or not.
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lovelyyyy
ohhh how touchy but've u ever heard about z proverb tht says:eyes r z mirror o z soul n i bet u've most wonderful eyes ever bec of yr loveliest soul my friend,pretty heart breaking,touchy words
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This is absolutely beautiful, deep and compelling with vibrant imagery and such emotion, I loved it Hugs, Bunny
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You have a way with words.
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Wow!! this is just awesome and the imagery is amazing.. especially the last lines..
My words so sweet
have melted you
but the verbal vision
distorts the truth
your swan swims to you
loved them.. thanx for sharing.. -
"but the verbal vision
distorts the truth"
I liked this poem - and throughout, I felt that perhaps you were talking about something I knew very deeply of. But I guess this is relatable to anyone. The only thing I'm disappointed in is your ending - it's pretty good but because it repeated a line that was elsewhere, I felt like it didnt hit as hard as it should - or is that my headache?
That aside, it's great to see something written from you
Never ♥
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I accept your criticism of the repetition but wanted it to reinforce the previous image to lend unity of purpose to my theme. I felt that it was my strongest, most impactive image lol. Best wishes Chandni. Tony
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lol, we already talked about this
By the way, I like the change you've made
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