Life was a puzzle to Cheyne; world,
a myriad of colors and impossible to do,
regretted yellows, wished suns were blood red,
canaries sang gothic dirges and stayed black
like crows
was passe about green,
she smoked grass
but never thought to lay on it,
it would itch her skin and fields,
they were for lovers not teens,
didn't need lovers and was never a teen,
past fifteen, fragile, yet
all alone and wary of coal pit nights
shoved her belongings in cracks,
she fitted to, as long as she fasted on
bitter bread from the trash, water from public conveniences
Cheyne's life felt like a rape of character,
parents demanding and her determination,
a rebellion of sorts she often regretted
for a softer hour in their eyes,
less of the disappointment she saw,
more encouraging tones, even in brevity,
would have been enough
she had three pieces of the puzzle to go,
where she belonged,
how she would get there
and what she would do when she did
Author notes
Picture from http://www.deviantart.com/ by ~AkuMimpi.
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt--Tell a story within your poem by notorious.
450 points, ended March 29, 5 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Persona Poems. by unmasked synergy.
1500 points, ended June 7, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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this was quite interesting, the image ws perfectly fitting to the poem, and i loved the embodiment of the rubik's cube as a metaphor for the perplexity of Cheyne's life
thank you for entering
un. -
Carol . . . I too felt the city streets in this one . . . made me think once again of those on the downtown east side of Vancouver, trying to find a HOME of some sorts, a place of belonging.
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You have used characterization and really did tell a story within a poem.
"she smoked grass but never thought to lay on it"
There's something comical, a bit sad and wry about this line, and it's just very witty and clever.
"shoved her belongings in cracks,
she fitted to, as long as she fasted on
bitter bread from the trash, water from public conveniences"
Deep. A great stanza.
It's unfortunate that you didn't use the 3 words that were REQUIRED in the contest--'world', 'brevity', and 'fragile' because it was a requirement...I'm not going to remove this from the contest in case you decide to revise /add on to your poem to use these 3 words. If you DO decide to revise it, please let me know so I can re-evaluate this entry.
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I have put them in, I had them on the original piece of paper, guess I got carried away lol. Its revised now. Love, C
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back at ya! Love, C
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Tough being a teen- especially in today's fast paced society with parents working all hours, many jobs to make ends meet, kids on their own so often, no boundaries, rules, consequences. We have to make choices, some of them are certainly not the correct ones, and then live with them. Some great word combinations in these lines. Good story told from this picture prompt.
. Rewarded 8
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An amazing story of a young lady with some dire problems...your dynamic talent is at work excellent metaphors and a tale well told....
Novy
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she smoked grass
but never thought to lay on it,
What a concept. I also loved the ending. You are such a pleasure to read. love ya loads.
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I actually think I like trying to read characters I have met, if for a fleeting minute, describing their life as I see it, I could be way off but this girl is like many you see on the streets. Love, C
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Sometimes
the longer you hand in ther if seems almoet a naturas to put the pegs in the holes...mac
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Story well told. Too many like her in this world.
Excellent sharing here.
Buddy
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Out of the box beautiful
What you did in words with this image was nothing short of spectacular. Your imagery was appropriate in context with the poem. Your metaphors, exemplary! You left the reader with hope. Though it was sad and dark, at the end, the woman knew what she had to overcome to survive and live. I lived her life, though I used anorexia as a teen to get attention, and control what I couldn't.
Shana
. Rewarded 8
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Shana, I meet these kind of people on the street in my city everyday, I just try to imagine what brings them to this. Love, C
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bravo!! eventually we all fit into the puzzle of life, sometimes it just takes us a little longer to achieve. Love J
. Rewarded 4
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