I waited for the thump-
of hammer on flesh-- and bone-- -
of the moon, turning from the Sun.
He gutted the fish with his fingers,
working the lattice of lily stems
as if they were virgins he could meddle
(his hands were wet with
salt- they could not begin to lie)
This is what it is like in the dark.
I will not rise from this.
I am
I am not a Lazarus.
.
.
26.03.08
A contest entry
- Thoughts to (and from) the Public. by SurelyWritten.
1000 points, ended March 28, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
"I am not a Lazarus."
Wow.
that's really all i can say about this. you deserved the gold.
♣ Tegan
-
-
PS: I would applaud, but I'm all out.
-
-
-
incredibly well written. i understand.
i miss you.
i hope you are smiling. always.
love you millions.
always.
x
-
Indeed a thought provoking write - i like how it gives me pain, a spec of it and how it gives me more as I repeatedly read your piece.
As always, an excellent write.
Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.
HENSLEY a.k.a VIRGOAN
-
hey Jess
i came and read this a few days ago and didn't comment
it hit a chord and i needed to let it stew a while
it still evokes such powerful feelings in me i could scream from my own dark place...
you write with such skill and understanding. you know what i think about your work - your imagery and your strength
this one just proves my point
you are brilliant
well done jess
elaine x
-
I like it muchos. I had to read it twice, I must admit.
But BRAVO!
You're much better than I could ever be!!! -
When i read this poem the first time i knew it was gold, Jess. Simply great poetry that shows and says so very much about the subject of abuse but also showcases your talent. Stunning!
~ Nicolette
-
-
Thankyou so much. x
-
-
-
"He gutted the fish with his fingers,
working the lattice of lily stems
as if they were virgins he could meddle"
That's the stanza that did it for me, that and the end.
I've missed your work. Always leaves me with tilting my head, going...damn!
-
There is an edge to this that takes what might be misconstrued as a pleasant moment, and makes me understand the sting that exists with those fingers.
Really well written.
-
The middle lines of this are to me the most potent. I have felt the hammer on bone, I have felt the gutting of "fish", I know what you meant by this, and I am still paying for it.
I'm not exactly sure why the two previous commenters didn't understand this, it is pretty straightforward. The images are very potent, "working the lattice of lily stems," It's hard to speak or type about what this poem means to me....
I have very clear images in my head of what this means, too clear. I believe I've begun to ramble.
Thank you for keeping it simple, and only using a few images, I can see how this write could have kept going, could have become cluttered. I am so glad you kept it a few sad beautiful images.
((No matter what anyone says do not take out the "a" in the last line, it would diminish it..))
And no, you are not Lazarus, nor am I, but we are at better places of after-death now, are we not?
Well done Jes,
-Shirley
-
-
Thanks Shirl- I knew you would get it, so I didn't want to make it too blatant. It's one of those if you read it several times you'll see more things..
xxxxxx
-
-
I agree lyrical-rebel.. it is kind of hard to see your point and case..but I like the last stanza, even if it,(to me) sounds like a totaly different poem.I think if you revamped this, it would work a little better.
XxTwigxX -
-
Lol, well there are only two of you that don't understand it. That's fine, it's not meant to be blatant. Thanks anyway.
-
Lol, well there are only two of you that don't understand it. That's fine, it's not meant to be blatant. Thanks anyway.
-
-
erm.. ok to be honest, i really dont get what yr tryin to say here... maybe if u added an author's note with a small description of ur vision then it will be a lot easier... But i must admit u have a very unique and colorful way of writing! you clearly paint an image in ur reader's mind.. n nice use of simile!
LR!
-
-
Don't worry about it. Others got it. x
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
