Once full of feeling
She is now devoid of it
Tried too hard
Loved too much
What now is there to show for this?
She reached out a hand
Gave her heart to many
On a silver-plated platter
But was brutally betrayed
The marks of deception scar her soul
She ran for comfort
An ever elusive solace
But what appeared to be an angel
Was a sickening beast
Ready to devour her strength
She closed her eyes to
The ghastly scene before her
Not wanting to trust her eyes
As the venom coursed through her
Taking slowly her life
Every last trace of human
Now lost to the shadows
She moves as if in a trance
Her glamour now gone
We may all see the scars
Once full of feeling
She is now devoid of it
Tried too hard
Loved too much
What now is there to show for this?
Author notes
It sucks.
A contest entry
- Pain In Poetry by Jadis Blade.
450 points, ended April 11, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Comment Number Nine
Yep... Well my mind is coming to its end. And I cannot say too much anymore. I don't exactly remember what you all said in you poem. And my attention spam is lessening as I seak pesk...I'm trying to write speak OMGosh!!! I wrote it!!! Yay!!! ok o k
ok
ok so I'm this is the last for tonight. not bad for Nine comments in a day.... Please don't write any more poems.... It'll make my job very much harder. lol...
ok ok
So Bye., and um... Yeh. Bye. -
too hard and too much rather than to hard and to much - that at the ending too, you have it right with too hard there but then only use one o in too much.
other than that a good poem with good sorrowful imagery dancing down the poetry.
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I liked how it began and ended the same way, the introduction to the story summed it up, but in a way the body of the poem was fulfilling with beautiful phrases =)
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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lol thanks! always much appreciated!
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as always lovely work and full of emotions and feelings you truly bring me into your soul every time i read your work keep up the amazing work dear
Lucian
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