Just kiss me in the night,
And let the stars fall from my words;
My lips closed and heart pumping,
Even as our eyes lock I can feel it
Sudden temptations to throw our lives away...
Do you feel like I do?
With arms around my life
You reject and recreate reality.
Endulge me as I rewrite my ending--
Reconstruct this story we share.
A contest entry
- . by Aurora Ceres.
600 points, ended April 14, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
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Wow.
Your style is amazing.
I loved it.
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Wow. Acrostics usually don't do it for me, as they tend to sound forced, but I didn't sense any of that from this piece.
Call me a romantic, but something about throwing your life out the window for someone you love sounds ridiculously tempting. I adore the subject and the words you used to get that point across.
Only a few technical issues bothered me: 'rewrite' is misspelled, and I feel there should be a semicolon after the second line instead of a period. I believe the third line describes the waiting of the first two?
I also think there should be some sort of punctuation between the last two lines, but I'm a punctuation nut so don't mind me
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece!!
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