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the smile outside his mind (definitely a non official entry! )

 

 

 

 

 

he passed by
the mornings and evenings
greeted with his usual smile
pedestrians wondered his joviality
and disguised their envy
as they smiled back at him

"what makes Cory so happy?"
the question  at dinner table
during dessert when subjects
got a dead end

he knew the thoughts
and still smiled but only to the world

inside different emotions simmered
in secret silence
until the echo of a gunshot
resounded through the night


 

 

 

 

Author notes

http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/4684-Edwin-Arlington-Robinson-Richard-Corey

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Keystone Theater
    April 7

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    I remember first reading Richard Cory in High School. I think it was the first time I actually went into a library to look for more poems by an author. I was more of a jock than a thinker but then I found Robinson's Miniver Cheevy and was even more impressed.

    You just never know what hides behind the mask a person wears, with Cory's case being an extreme.

    Thanks for commenting on my poem btw.


  • james119
    April 6
    Edit | Reply

    well done.

    One can see a different conversation reverberating around dinner tables.


  • Namita silver member
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    -


  • maa gold member
    March 30

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    wow, this verse really struck me ...
    you have a great gift to write about difficult subjects with such subtility and sensitivity ... without judgment, just showing without telling (I could definitely learn from you !) ...
    just breathtaking ...

    much love,
    marion


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply

    excellent~

    Quite the twist in this one sis...
    But none the less loved it....
    Congrats on the honorable mention as well
    Have been in the hospital for 2 wks very sick
    Some better now I will catch up on your poems....
    I just posted a 10 line one drop by if ya can
    Hugs n love
    Your sis
    Susan~~~


  • leander Moderators member
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    This is painful


  • Peteskid gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    hmmm interesting word choice here the echo in the night, a shocking thing loud noises that break the peace and would set minds wondering and feet scurrying, so much between these skillful lines...PK

  • voices
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    the thing about this piece that caught me was that you used the word "resounded". this one word covers a lot of ground. it is more than a sound, by definition the word indicates reverberation. an echo if you will. The final act of richard had a resounding effect on all the people who knew him ,or even of him. as i am sure they continued the wave as they asked themselves real questions of themselves. Some may have seen him as a rich kid used to having his way and this was just the ultimate temper tantrum. OR the idea that it was the result of guilt inside him. Which is somewhat common in most societies. While others saw it as a warning that you never really know people beneath the smiles they show you.
    yes i am certain the shot resounded in more ways than one, even if nobody heard it.

    excellent re write.


    • MariGoes gold member
      March 26
      Edit | Reply
      'While others saw it as a warning that you never really know people beneath the smiles they show you'

      Yes!!! that is what I was thinking about when I read Arlington's poem and while writing mine.
      Thanks for seeing it!

  • Nicolette gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    Oh... what a surprise ending. I was thinking love while reading this poem and then BANG!! Wonderful turn and twist there at the end, Mari - great stuff - although suicide is always sad.

    One of South Africa's greatest female poets, Ingrid Jonker, just walked into the sea one night at Drieankerbaai - they found her body among seaweeds the next day - she was only 33 - but her poetry is still alive.

    ~ Nicolette


  • ardentMarch gold member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    holy....was not seeing that coming....

    interesting...will have to check him out..


  • Nom de guerre
    March 25
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, bat boy was sighted in the New York subway!

  • Nom de guerre
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    And as both Yem and Sir Ima ignored, Cory knew his dilemma, kept it shut, closed to the world, and not a soul bothered to think anything other than the superficial.


  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    March 25
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    And did you hear? The FBI caught bat boy!

  • Sir Ima Cucumber
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    And Yem forgot to mention, thank you for working so hard to finish it before the deadline. He's a bit of an old sap but he appreciates that effort, it kind of is similar to stuff he tries to say in that non-entry he entered in your contest...in his odd, ineffectual way.


  • Yemassee silver member
    March 25
    Edit | Reply
    Oh and what do you think of them finding the bat child in the cave?

  • Yemassee silver member
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, wonderful background!

    You are the one who taught me about the economy of words so, "Physician heal thyself!"

    line three, how about: "greetings, his usual style"

    line eight, how about, "The question at dinner time?"

    Line thirteen: I like "stirred" instead of "simmered", one less syllable.

    Your approach is similar to mine in that we both saw the envy that is apparent...neither one of us really looked at the why...which is fine since it's a short poem and even Robinson didn't give us much of a sketch.

    What I really like is the scene at the dinner table, and that small window where we see the pettiness...their envy is simply their need to fill the moments between dinner and dessert...you probably have no idea how good that subtlety is...and in narrative (according to me, lol) subtlety is the key.

    You've also added an immediacy to the poem...it's not second hand, in your poem, it's the shot that takes a sort of importance, not the report of the death. That's an interesting difference.

    Ok, you won't change a thing I suggested but I had my say, and thanks, it was a pleasure to read and I assume you know it makes me happy that you entered!




    • MariGoes gold member
      March 25
      Edit | Reply
      The question line, yes, sounds better the way you suggested. See I'm not that stubborn
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