Tread on lightly to the door
Skin can't touch the floor
Grab a tissue, or your shirt
Avoid the handle's dirt
Walk down the hallway to the kitchen
Need something to eat
Can't touch the cupboards
Can't touch the faucet
Can't touch the microwave
Or use the silverware or dishes
He wishes
Things were different
But that dream's broken
And he grabs a paper towel
To go open
The refrigerator
And get some food
Use another paper towel to get a plate
And fork
Out of the cupboards
Then turn on the sink
And rinse them off
They're still unclean
Wash your hands he thinks
Your finger touched the faucet handle
The food is in the microwave
Use the paper towel to set the time
Avoid the grime
That hasn't been washed off in years
Shit!
Knocked a notebook to the floor
Can't use it anymore
Pick it up with a napkin, throw it away
Get the food out of the microwave
Opening the door
With a paper towel
Back in his room, he can take off his shoes
As long as the socks don't touch the floor
Or he'd have to throw them away
Screams echo through the walls
That rumble every here and there
His mom is screaming at his brother
They're both wrong, but she should know better
"Don't FUCKING hit me!"
His brother yells back
As his thoughts trail away
fuck her
He thinks, looking at his wall
Where the can of orange soda
She threw at him exploded
He turns on the TV she cracked
When she slammed it into the wall
Cussing at the top of her lungs
About his underachievement
She's clueless
Of course his life's a mess
When he's subjected to this stress
He eventually falls asleep
And wakes up the next morning
Puts on his shoes without touching the floor
So he can walk to the bathroom
And lean into the shower to wash his hair -
Using toilet paper to turn the handles
It isn't clean in there either
You, dear reader, might agree
If you could ever see
What that bathtub has been through
And even so, many bleaches later
To get in would require
Him to step onto the bathroom tile
With bare feet when he's done
And he'd rather run away
Than deal with that
That the family never visits
Is a testament to this
He knows it isn't entirely logical
And one thinks, why doesn't he just clean
The house out by himself?
- it would take hours, literally days
Of work to do that
And it would get dirty again too quick
He gave up fighting it a long time ago
He passes the days in a malaise
Waiting for the opportunity
To escape
He's only like this here
And he might still battle the fear
She's instilled in him
When he leaves
But the reprieve will cleanse
Him eventually
Author notes
This was more or less my life for seven years. The whole of my adolescence.
I've since moved out of my mom's house and the last two lines are holding up truly enough - The OCD-like symptoms have subsided drastically. I'm certain they were exacerbated by being in that environment.
As for putting this poem on the people with disabilities list:
I didn't write this with poetic quality in mind. The intent here was simply to get the past off of my chest. I've kept this part of my life as secret as possible from those who didn't see it firsthand.. putting it up here seems like it'll help me move on.
A contest entry
- Skeletons in the Closet? by XHollowXEyesX.
800 points, ended June 2, 2008, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow what an insight into this type of suffering life style. I havent personaly suffered from OCD or known anyone to, and you have really opened my eyes to the pain and emotional stress that they go through.
This was a stunning poem to read, you have great use of language and style.
beautiful write.
Thanks for entering
All the best
~Hollow~ -
BRAVO! BRAVO!
This was a piercing and insightful poem, flowed imagery
and kept us glued to your every word.
Isn't it amazing how the mind disconnects and can lead us
to powerful assumptions that may not or may be.
BRAVO! BRAVO! for writing so fearlessly and bold,
inspiring and AMAZING us with your freedom unleashed
talent!
write on bold soldier, write on!
ears/Seattle
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I suffer from OCD but not to this drastic extent. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I was told by my doctor that it was caused by my many years of abuse and it is my way of controlling my environment. I am so happy that you have gotten better I too hope to one day be free of this and so many other mental disabilities. Thanks for sharing. love and hugs Theresa
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I have noticed my son sometimes shows signs of OCD behaviour, and at times doesn't so much. I had no idea it could be stress related, your poem has enlightened me to that and my sons behaviour is making more sense. So for that thank you
this is a wonderful piece, you have highlighted the difficulties very well. I am pleased you are now able to move on and I wish you the very best. Superbly penned
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At first.
At first I thought this sounds just like Monk on television. But I do know of people who have this sort of thing going on. I have a patient whose son is very compulsive in cleaning. His mother is 98 and it can be very distracting to you when you are trying to help a person even being on a potty chair. But the pain of trying to find out why this occured can in many ways be liberating. This was a pretty well thought out diary here.
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OMG! I can so relate to this, because I have OCD also. It was way worse in the past, and there were times I would get as bad as the person you describe in your poem. Awful! Sometimes it is unconscious, but I know most of it comes from the stress and abuse that I went through at a very young age and most of my life. Now, if I catch myself getting this way, I try to think it through logically and calm myself. The only problem is, if I am under stress, is tends to kick in -the OCD.
Thank God it is not as bad as it used to be. You describe it so painfully well in your poem.
I also noticed that mine got worse big time when my mother became ill. I was dealing with that on top of being abused, (by my stepfather). Much of it stemmed from guilt, feeling blamed, and that I could never be perfect or clean enough. The dynamics of it is complicated, but you are right, getting away from a situation that aggravates it can definitely make it better. Thank you for sharing. Bless you!
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