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The Inexhaustable

 

 

I stared with my teeth stuck over
the dry plump of my lips
at the wall more alive than I-

First focused in, then not.


Gravity hung thick in the air
my shape was like dead-weight,
Stuck. Still. Silent. against the bed-

First hot with sweat, then cold.


The breath that clung to my lungs and throat
slowly went in then out
and left me behind in its freedom-

But still... weighed me down.

 

 

 

Author notes

Been having some sleepless nights lately- And no, I am not going through menopause.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • layla.
    March 26, 2008

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    this is wonderful. just what i was looking for, simple and powerful. thanks for entering


  • Age of Rain
    March 26, 2008

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    I see you also use alliteration. (and yes I know what assonance and alliteration are *grins*) Your ending was perfectly done. Weight should always be at the bottom. *laughs* The only trouble I had was your use of the word lips. You used it twice in a way that made keep going back to understand why. I'm still not entirely certain...but I did like this piece quite a bit. Well done!

    • SurelyWritten
      March 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oh gosh, the first line is supposed to be teeth! I typed it wrong after I wrote. Oh my god, thank you so much for pointing that out.. You saved my life...


  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    March 25, 2008
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    Ooooh, how I missed you!


  • Malkolis
    March 25, 2008

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    OOOOO you have made me a happy happy man for having read this. i especialy am loving the metrical flow.

    and that last stanza... thing of beauty


  • Viva La Vie Boheme
    March 25, 2008

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    Same here with the sleep thing.

    I agree withthe comment below me - this is beautiful, and I love the juxtaposition of the images here. It's almost like you're suffocating on air. The thought of that always did make me laugh.


  • raw love
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey I'd have to say that I really like the way you wrote this. Breath clinging to your lungs...kind of a ironic in a most beautiful way! This whole little piece is full of lovely irony like gravity hanging....I love it. Very nice. I like

1 - 8 of 8