Karma sips her cup
awaiting my next mistake.
Her eyes search wall to wall
(like place to place)
in that mixed message way.
She lies in my bed,
there's not much sleeping
not much living.
The blood and metal scent
rushing in my nose.
The smoking headwound
didn't stop her.
She's here to stay.
My dead angel--my own cliche'.
Author notes
Rewrite
Origional http://allpoetry.com/poem/4031467
A contest entry
- THE WORKSHOP CONTEST-BIG POINTS!!!! by Amy Meneses.
1700 points, ended April 12, 2008, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? #2 by LaurenLightning--x.
730 points, ended May 7, 2008, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From March 2008 by amaranthine lover.
525 points, ended May 1, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I really like this one.
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Beautiful.
This is amazing, exactly what I was hoping or.
I love the first two lines :
Karma sips her cup
awaiting my next mistake
They blew me away, they are so powerful, they start the poem off wonderfully and really get the readers attention. I also love the imagery in this.
Well done! This is an excellent poem.
Thank you for entering and goodluck!
Arc-En-Ciel--x
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do you still have the original of this somewhere, we need either the original poem or the coments given by the judges to be able to judge you based on your re-write. Please get back to me on that.
Thanks! -
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Its still in the contest isnt it?
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sorry I didn't see it last time for some reason lol thanks
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