He had me by the ankles
But he just never realized
How far he was with me
Neither did I for that matter
I was falling farther away from my room
In a light that reminded me of
Marshmellows, smothering the daylights outta me
What could I do
The boy, whose name I won't reveal
Had eyes like Hershey's kisses
And a touch that I never felt
But wishes are hopeless
They're wasted air
A contest entry
- 75 words by Leslie.
300 points, ended April 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Was this poem cheesy?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this was beautiful, it had a very soft sadness to it and the description was great
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I like it.
Great write poet. I really like the last two lines:
But wishes are hopeless
They're wasted air
Because it is so true! -
Very interesting poem. It sounds like you are writing about a love unrequited. He had hold of your heart, yet did not realize it. Because he was not giving his heart back, it was like he was holding you by the ankles, keeping you from moving away, yet bringing you into his life. You were left with just wishes...which you see as being hopeless.
I see that longing in the "And a touch I that I never felt"
Interesting imagery here:
"I was falling farther away from my room
In a light that reminded me of
Marshmellows, smothering the daylights outta me"
It really brings up a very vivid picture in my mind.
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well this was something else indeed... i can't help but to guiltily like the phrase hershey's kisses, but you know this piece can be a good starting point, but it could use some work. thanks for the entry.
Leslie
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I completely love the first two lines and the last two lines of this poem, but for some reason I just feel like the middle isn't on the same level.
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thanx 4 the comment and criticism
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