Sometimes I'm fine, I'll be okay. I truly think I want to stay.
Other times I know I've lied. I want to commit suicide.
I've never had feelings quite like these,
My suicidal tendencies.
I want to break, I want to bleed.
Slowly want becomes a need.
I need to stop, I need to think.
Insanity? I'm at the brink.
Keep it frozen? Melt the ice?
A mistake that one cannot make twice.
It feels so nice to break away, to want to live another day.
But it's so easy to fall back in, want to lose, have to win.
These tendencies, they get you whole
You slowly forfeit more control
Until all you have is sanity
And even that is breaking free.
I need to stop, I'm going to crash.
My sanity? That's in the past.
My will is gone, my life's on hold. No one knows that I'm controlled.
I know my secret's safe for now. They'll figure out, I wonder how...
I think soon it will start to show
I lost myself so long ago.
I need to realize who I was
And what I am, and what it does.
Study the image on my lifeless TV
Someone else must be in there, cause that isn't me.
Author notes
Please know that this is NOT necessarily about suicide, but rather about our 'suicidal tendencies', meaning the things that we do that we can't get away from, or even have the urge to do. Interpret it however you want.
Transatlanticism
I've been writing this for over a montth, so please try to leave more critical comments.
Comments
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love it, it has a dark; disturbing quality to it; it's cool.
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Ahhh
ITS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS IVE EVER READ MARIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
<3 One-Broken-Heart -
This poem is very good, i'll bet you win this contest. And it is something different, i liked how it wasn't about suicide but about are tendencies to do those kinds of things. Made me think, good job.
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Nice job on this poem. It can be frustrating when people limit a poem to their own concepts
I lvoe this line the most...
But it's so easy to fall back in, want to lose, have to win.
I think that sums up alot for me. Thanks for entering my contest
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Great write and poetic. You did a great job and you they were feeling form the heart. I think everyone has these feeling. You did great job expressing them. and once again brillant.
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Excellence in words!
This poem, to me, symbolizes the rough times we all go through. Although they may not all include a suicide attempt, we still don't like them. I award her in excellence!! - Browni -
that was actually really well written. not only did you rhyme, but there was a pattern with syllables(sp?) maybe that wasnt intentional but its sounds as good as it reads.
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I think this is excellently done. There is rhyme but it flows and fits and I see exactly what you are saying. Very well done. Good luck.
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this is really, really good. The rhyme is great and it is filled with rich imagery. What I would like to see is some line division to give it more power. thank you for your entry.
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I can totally relate to this. In fact I think everyone in the world can. We all have these impulses that we can't escape no matter how hard we try. But there is help for us to stop the things that hurt us. We just have to want to stop. Which is easier said than done. Great write.
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that was ace. i loved it. it is one of the few rhyming poems i liked. not that rhyming is bad, but it limits the words you can use. except with this one. this poem flowed awesomely. plus i can relate big time.
p.s. please exuse my totaly rad slang. i just watched a bunch of 80s movies.
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I know how you mean and when we are that low we can change our minds in a heartbeat. I hope you do feel better at moment, always here to talk if need someone though.
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Ooops I missed this! This is really good. I liked the depth and flow of this piece, and I think the ideas here are very relatable even for the non-suicidal. I also liked how each thought tied in to the next in a progression. This is excellently done with rhyme, I read it aloud and the rhythm bounced along so effortlessly. I especially loved the ending, so poignant and thoughtful: "I lost myself so long ago.
I need to realize who I was
And what I am, and what it does.
Study the image on my lifeless TV
Someone else must be in there, cause that isn't me."
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"These tendencies, they get you whole
You slowly forfeit more control"
Very thought-provoking poem. I would have assumed it was just about suicide until I read your author's notes, so I re-read and realized it could be talking about anything that takes our emotions out of control. Life's crises and challenges can certainly take a toll one's psyche. Which is why it is so important to try to make good choices ... keep in balance ... and have things/people in your life that help keep you grounded when life gets stressful.
Lots to think about in this poem. Great write Twilight!
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I actually find this very sad... but it is hinted with hues of hope and strength. there are many things that make us weak, but we can make it through I like that you tried to clarify your work in the author comments. Though, i felt it was self explanitory. Your write was powerful....
Nice job. I do not like the title, because it seems to take away from your piece.
Thanks for sharing
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Gah. Danneh Seriously needs to stop clicking on poetry that has titles like this... They just might be triggers(No duh .... I hate myself sometimes)
Alright! Onto the insanity.
You reallllyyy need to break this up into stanzas.. It would make it so much easier to read.
You did great with your rhyming, so congrats there.
Unless there is a need too, don't capitalize the beginning of lines.
You can vary the spacing to help out with giving an idea in someone's head.
Make a decision. Past or present. keep that tense.
Great idea here, beautiful message, a little too true right now.. But hey, we all have our moments.
=Danneh<3 (Is here if you want to talk.. About fixing the poem.. or anything else.) -
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FIrst things first, thank you for leaving a critical comment. Now to address the issues alphabet style:
A- I did the stanzas like that intentionally for a number of reasons. First off, I think it looks cooler the way it is. Also, when I read it at least, it gives the longer lines a more slow, relaxed feel and the shorter ones speed through your mind. I wanted it to be like that becuase the longer lines are supposed to be slightly more relaxing. That's where I'm coming from on the lines.
B- Thank you. I try.
C- I know, I'm like, OCD about that. I feel weird if I don't do it. I look weird if I do.
D- ??? This doesn't really make much sense to me. Maybe I'm not understanding correctly?
E- I suck at tenses. Really, I do. I feel dumb again. But part of me did it almost on purpose, to add confusion to the piece.
Well, I'm out of letters, so I guess that's it. But as always, your thoughts mean a lot to me, so thank you. Feel free to message me anytime.
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Amazed!!!!
After viewing your profile because I was so moved by your work, I was astounded by how perceptive you are at such a tender age. I can only imagine the poet you will be as you grow older and experience more of life. You are a true talent. Keep writing. -Hugs- Mandie -
Beautiful Tragedy
I loved the imagery in this piece. We have all had our moments where are sanity has been placed under scruitiny or has been in question. "I want to break, I want to bleed, slowly want becomes a need." That is a very real sentiment to some. I think you wrote a beautiful piece. Keep writing the month it took was well worth it.
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I love how you rhyme the words. It is awesome. I think we all feel the way you do. Very good, keep it up. I am looking forward to reading more of your enteries! Love it and thanks for sharing!! Know always that there is someone out there that loves you! :-)
*Hugs*
~Ladybug3151
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Ah, I really thought it's about you! Anyway, this is really good. I like the way you wrote down your feelings and especially love the last two sentences. Great job!
Keep writing
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deep and touching
i know the battle you speak of and i know it well, the tendencies are relentless, the way this poem flows it show that you put alot of time and effort in to it, i hope you find who you were,and get out of the rut you were in....excellent job!
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This is pretty cool. Nice piece. Trivia: The title of your poem is also a name of a band. Just sharing. Haha. Keep writing.
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This was a great read. I love the way it can be applied to almost any issue that is serious to a person. The rhyming was immaculate, and it flowed amazingly... I hope you find yourself..
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WOW
I am so intruiged-or how ever you spell that word-it so makes sense not that youre talking about suicide but how so many of us give up our lives to be controlled by something diffrent and the way we feel about it i love it i truely truely love it!!!!!!!11
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bravo
This does, indeed, have some neat and nifty rhyme througtout! It is a thoughtful and very well done poem, I loved it, loved it! bravo... bravo...
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