A tender stroke stretches across pale canvas
Shifting side to side painting a portrait of affection
subtle lines seem to warm the soul
brush strokes from the tip of her finger
this artist, her canvas, as one in this moment
Author notes
Its very short but thats how it was intended to be. I decided not to even use the word skin in this poem, but to describe it as a canvas.
A contest entry
- Skin by Mari Goes.
700 points, ended April 9, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"subtle lines seem to warm the soul"
they sure do, this is beautiful - thanks so much for entering
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The fact that you didn't use the word 'skin' is good - it shows that you showed rather than told us! I like short poems - why use a 1000 words when a few well-chosen words can paint the same picture.
There is a softness about this poem that i liked and the visuals are good too. A good take on the contest theme. Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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And you too are the artist at one with the moment, painting this brief portrait in subtle strokes. The touches are well done and sometimes minimalism is all that is needed. I'm glad you entered the contest.
Mari
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It's short but packs a decent amount of oomph in those lines. My one complaint would be in the last line which sort of reads as a cliche, "as one." I like the line but would substitute "as one" with something else, maybe,
"this artist, her canvas, attune to the moment"
something like that. Just a thought. But I like the poem, and its artistic expression.
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I really enjoyed reading this. First off, exculding the word skin and only using canvas was clever. The last line is very beautiful. You should be very, VERY proud of this piece.
~Miley
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