He sat at the entrance to the shopping arcade,
his little dog sat by his side.
An upturned hat with a handfull of coins,
trying to keep up his pride.
Not long ago he had a job,
a wife a good home and no debt.
Now all he had was a carrier bag,
a cardboard bed and his pet
As he sat there his thoughts went back,
to the time he had spent in Iraq.
When a piece of roadside bomb shrapnal,
ripped a hole in his back.
He relived it every night in his dreams,
and woke up his wife with his terrible screams.
His nerves were in a such terrible mess,
his only solution was to drink to excess.
It lost him his job his wife and his home,
no where to go but the streets to roam.
Then as he sat there one day at dusk,
with his little dog by his side.
He heard a familiar voice from the past,
whose concern was hard to hide.
T’was the voice of his childhood sweetheart,
his long lost love from his teens.
Its one of those things that happens,
when providence intervenes.
She stood and stared at him aghast,
as she realised his plight.
This was the man she'd always loved,
and dreamed about each night.
Then the tears trickled down his care worn face,
as she hugged him in her arms.
A more than willing victim,
to his new found sweethearts charms.
Then as they went off arm in arm,
their long lost love to find.
Came a little dog with a wagging tail,
tagging on behind.
Author notes
Ballistic prompts.. JUDMC.(Person having to beg)
A contest entry
- Options-Love, Pain, Ethics/Worldy Ideas, Revolution/change the world, quotes-Please enter! FIRST CONTEST by Midgetbridgey.
315 points, ended April 23, 2008, 45 entries
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575 points, ended August 12, 2008, 32 entries
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400 points, ended August 3, 2008, 23 entries
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450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 138 entries
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315 points, ended August 23, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
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750 points, ended September 10, 2008, 28 entries
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475 points, ended September 16, 2008, 79 entries
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1225 points, ended January 6, 17 entries
Honorable mention
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Honorable mention
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900 points, ended April 2, 16 entries
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850 points, ended June 27, 15 entries
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900 points, ended August 2, 1025 entries
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595 points, ended August 3, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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Love the drama of this story, and it made me think about the men who serve their country and get served precious little in return. It's an argument for peace though you may not have intended it that way. Lots of elements here - poverty, love, the dog. Animals always appeal.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
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Judith Chandler
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife" glad you liked it
like many of my serious poems it was intended to be anti-war
e.g. "Truth", "National pride" "Mission Accomplished" "The Liberators"
"Axis of Evil" "The Soldier" all anti war poems ..Peace and Love...George...
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amazing - should have won more trophies, while i do feel that the storyline was just a touch too much unrealistic for me, up to the point where the old sweet heart appeared on the scene, i was utterly loving it. best wishes in the contest
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so sad, but well seen every day in towns and cities, very well expressed and heartfelt for those who have lost hope, but again this was a very nice ending...thank you for this entry...and good luck
Linda
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I have no idea why this was not at least a honorable mention and above for the other contest. Good job and you caught the moment
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i read through this poem like three times
it had a nice rhythm to it, flowed very well. the last couplet was adorable I was surprised by the ending- of the man running off with the lady. The beginning, in my opinion, was more powerful. Overall it's a great write, but the ending just doesn't seem like enough for me. I glanced through a couple other contests that you submitted this to and I don't think that this poem fits my contest description as well as others.
On a lighter note, I loved the poem and I thank you for sharing this unique write with me.
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You are correct, I did enjoy this poem. It was sad, but at the end I found myself relaxing from my shit day Thank you, and I appreciate your kind words and donation though un-necessary.
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breathless
wow...good luck in the contest
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this was a very sweet and touching story, with the rhyming working well in the telling, but it doesn't end sadly; it ends up with a hope for the future. thank you for entering.
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argh that is such a sweet little story It is brilliantly written and very creative, I felt that he was torn and broken, it brings out the struggle he must feel, and I just LOVED that ending, where a long lost friend arrives, she shows abit of care, abit of love... that is heartwarming
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wow
This is a sad...yet uplifting piece.
I would really like toknw what inspired it.
The flow was great and the story it told was amazing....
well done and thaks for entering,
-Dusty-
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Fulabeans
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife" so glad you like it.
Truthfully it is a product of my imagination.On my patch you will find many story poems described as imaginative by critics.
E.G. "Miracles of the future" "Little Girl" "Philip's Way" "Blue Eyes" "The Racist" ETC.ETC. Best Wishes...George..
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7/1O
7/10 -
'wow'
i enjoyed reading this alot you described and put it in a a way i really thought alot of this poem thanks a great dealxx best of luck!
lanax
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Hooray for the sweetheart for not judging. Good job!
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This was a wonderful write. It spoke Volumes. I know that wars have a great deal to do with the sadness and homelessness of our once proud soldiers. This was sad but had a happy ending I am glad you wrote it.
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This is a beautiful poem. It's vivid, and the pain feels so real. And the happy ending was lovely as well. Nice rhyming scheme. I love the ending with the little dog tagging behind. :]
Good luck in my contest, and thanks for entering. -
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ChelseySmile
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife" glad you liked it
hope the points came in handy Best Wishes......George
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This is beautiful.
What talent you have!
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So vividly visual. I can almost put myself in his shoes just sitting there feeling that pain and anguish. I really liked that poem and it really gave me a feel for weakness...how he's constantly in paint remembering the struggles he's been through. The words flowed the poem was lovely....keep up the writting i enjoyed it....GOOD LUCK....scars.
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This is excellent. Thank you for entering and good luck!
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Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Aww what a beautifully emotional piece.
Penned with such deep thoughts.
Lovely write!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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perfectsunset
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife"
glad you liked it.Best Wishes George ++++
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I loved this!! Especially its happy ending!!!
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Strong, strong write.
Good work!
Thank you for entering. -
Wow this was a strong write... It's sad that our military don't do enough for those who've been to war. My marine just got hurt in iraq so it's easy for me to relate to this. thanks for entering.
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i like the story that its telling. its hard to find our sense of belonging when we have lost every thing. well done. good luck!
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this is such a great story great job and good luck
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"As she realised his plight
This was the man she'd always loved
And dreamed about each night
Then the tears trickled down his care worn face" this is my favorite part i liked this poem alot. Very well written and everything. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
deserves more
LOWELL
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If only these happy ending could happen to all the great men who wander with nothing after giving so much.
I to have had a hard life lassie,
easy... was an unfamiliar word on my road.
So touching and wonderful was this...
The vagabond with grand memories that come back to him.
The Irish call it the circle...there are many culdesacs to double back.
I lost me bloody dog of 17 yrs not to long ago...so that aspect of the piece touched me deeply.
You seem to have given a Norman Rockwell quality to the piece with a touch of Edger a. Poe ,recollecting endless nights with agonizing nightmares. A very interesting and prolific write.
Me Irish grandma used to tell me....LOWELL!
Write something grand,
for you may be
entertaining Angels,
Unaware.
A very smart women.
Blessings always lassie,
LOWELL POE -
a sad and very touching piece thanks for sharing
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There's a given gift for writing a story poem, and you certainly seem to have it! I was telling another writer friend of mine today how I struggle with penning a good story poem, and here you are doing it like it's nothing at all. This is beautiful. Bittersweet and sensitive. There's a Gordon Lightfoot song written in this same vein, and if you've never crossed paths with it before, I think you'd really like it. It's called 'Home From The Forest'. I'll leave you with the lyrics in case you're interested.
http://www.corfid.com/gl/Albums/60min/Home_From_The_Forest.htm
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superstition
Many thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife"
and for showing me the Lyrics of "Home From The Forest"
I thought it was Fantistic I loved it. Best Wishes and many kind thoughts George ++++
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aaaw
cute poem
best of luck -
aw a very sad poem but with a happy ending. very touching it made me cry -hugs- its sad how so many of our soldiers have come to deal with ptsd with no way of coping through the stages to sacrifice everything for their country and its people and its even harder to lose everything when they return home. i only hope they have someone to help them find their strength and find their way if they are one that becomes lost. i am greatful for our troops without them we would be lost. they are our worlds guardian angels.
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passionate-poet
Many thanks for your kind remarks on my two poems they are very much
appreciated Best Wishes George ++++
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Beautifully done. Quite a gripping piece with a mix of emotions woven through your words. Pleased it had a happy ending. Good luck in the contest
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LadyDementia
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Waife
They were very much appreciated and I am sorry for being so
Hypercritical of your lovely poem must have been something
I ate.I should not foist my dislike of metaphorical
poetry on to you. Sorry! I promise to be good next time I'm
On your Patch Best Wishes George ===
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Really nicely done and so full of life's reailty
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Very emotional and heart filled write, I really enjoyed this. It not only shows the power of love but also the devastation and hurt war can bring. Thank you for sharing!
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beautiful, touching story...
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fantastic
awwww
I have a little dog... this is great
all the struggle of reality totally worth
enduring for the adorable and wonderful happy ending
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AmazinJason
many thanks for your kind comments on the "The Waife"
the are very much appreciated George.
ps.The wife annd I have three Dogs Best Wishes
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beautiful, sad, and endearing. Wonderful write.
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This was wonderfully written. I loved this. A beautiful ending. Thanks for sharing.
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Wonderful
Very creative and well done. So well described. Thank you for sharing.
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Another wonderful story, that grabs you and draws you in. Great read.
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Neonrose
Many thanks for your kind comments on "Peter's Girl" and
"The Waife They are very much appreciated I will comment
on yours again later Best Wishes George +++
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Very touching and timely write that is very well written. The images you created tug at the heart. I can see this as the true testimony of a few of those we pass on the streets. Awesome job. Keep on writing.
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bravo
A a very sorrowful piece of poetry indeed, most ably and most deftly done here... I liked it muchly... bravo... bravo... bravo...
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Oh, this was a sad story, George, but with a lovely happy ending. It is very sad when men and women return from war and are no longer the same people they were but your poem shows that beneath the anguish and pain there is still a spark burning if only someone will take the time to nurture it into a flame.
Margaret
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Good
The way you have woven this piece together with emotions stitched with a poetic thread is unusual and impressive. This is a well written, thought provoking, descriptive, and creative all rolled up into a beautiful poem. You're creative and innovative in your subject matter. It comes alive and wrenches your heart with the strong emotion so well imposed with the superb imagery.
Typo "whose(concerne)was" (concern)
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Emille
Many thanks for your kind comments on The "Waife"
They are very much appreciated especialy from you
I altered the (concern) "e" Best Wishes Keep Writing.George
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Flow not real smooth in places, but I loved this! It was so full of great images and emotion.....and a great story with a happy ending. This was really good, but with a little tinkering, could be great. I enjoyed this!
best wishes
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aboomer
Many thanks for your helpful comments on The Waife I have taken your advice and have made six alterations it now flows quite smoothly, if you get time read it again let me know if you approve. Best Wishes George +++++ -
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I think it reads better, yes. I still think, somehow, these 2 lines need 'tweaked' a bit,
'He relived it every might in his dreams
And woke up his wife with his terrible screams' (and typo "might" should be "night"?).....but I'm not sure how to take out a couple extra words that throw off those lines.....I think I'd prob. leave it alone and just label me a
person...lol...
I like this. It's a wonderful story.
best wishes
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i love happy endings george..this was ace.. xxx
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