You probably won't remember me
I'm probably no more than history
But I can't help but wonder
What did you find
Out there on your own
Was it ever really worth it
Did I ever mean you well
Even when I touched you with this poison
I remember
I remember don't worry
No matter how hard I try to forget
It haunts me so vividly
I could almost touch your soul
I could almost feel you through the air
But there was never enough
Not to satiate you
You were never open
Never honestly
There was such a canyon between us
You would say anything
To make us both seem less mundane
You were never where I could find you
Never where I would need you
But I never once said a word
I know why you kept your silence
You could never fool me
The hurt might not have shown
But the pain still grew
You let it eat through everything
Maybe you forget
But I saw what you did
I know you're nothing but a lie
Nothing more then a stranger to me
Author notes
Just me arguing with myself again
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
bookmark
i can relate to this so much. great job!
-
In the 2nd line it should be than.
In line 18 I think you mean honest. The adverb Honestly doesn't fit here.
Use spell check it is your friend! Between in line 19.
I liked these lines,
"Even when I touched you with this poison"
"I could almost touch your soul
I could almost feel you through the air
But there was never enough
Not to satiate you"
"There was such a canyon between us
You would say anything
To make us both seem less mundane"
I personally think if we want others to take what we have written and gain anything from it it should be written in a form that lends itself to ease of reading. Spelling errors and grammatical errors take away dramatically for some readers!~Leah
-
-
Oops. Thank you for catching those 2 mistakes I missed. Although it was supposed to be honestly (as in not honestly open, my own backwards way of speaking)
-
-
wow thats great
WOW!!!
THAT IS GREAT!!!!
KEEP WRITING!!!
-
arguing with my self, or questioning my actions and behaviors is what I write about most often. I love reading how other people do it. Good job, very different from my approach.
-
Hm. This really doesn't feel like you are going insane... If you did want that feel of you going insane, I suggest that you add more emotion and more feel to this piece.
But, I did like the argument it was very interesting and a good read... Very well done
-
seems like u were in a relationship where there wasnt any conection..i have had relationships like this b4..its ok 2 argue with urself sumtimesz..i do it 2 =p...gud job =)
-
What a unique way of portraying the inner self as we argue with our conciousness..I really enjoyed this read..Keep writing my friend.
-
Ha. I thought you were talking to someone else, but yourself? Brilliant! What a clever idea. I think I will definitely have to do that one day as well. Enjoyed the read!
-
wow, i've never read about a poem
where the author is arguing to the author himself/herself.
i must try that one day ^^
anyway, i quite like how flow blended well
with the simple yet lovely words written here.
i guess everyone argue with themselves
since we can never be perfect;
but not being perfect is a good thing
since having the world's population
be all perfect would be quite boring.
anyway, i'm pretty much glad to read this, all right =]
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
