Warmth blows across my skin.
The exotic flowers arise in vision.
My blue but pale eyes await for the treasurable peace.
Painful memories dissolve through the thin sweet air.
My hopes and dreams finally turn into reality.
Walking upon these stony but delicate steps I feel safe.
The love I never received hasn’t for once risen through my thoughts.
Here, at the final step, the bubbly feeling of excitement arises.
The only wonder in everyone’s mind has been answered.
Because heaven can only be but a dream; one deep inside our souls.
A contest entry
- Stairway to Heaven - Picture inspired by BellaD.
1100 points, ended March 30, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hm? Comments?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Different take on the picture prompt. Quite imaginative. It is a bit awkward in spots. I like the shorter lines in the first stanza. Very good imagery throughout. Congratulations on the silver.
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Thanks for the feedback. A couple of people have said that, so I'll try harder to dispose the awkwardness. x)
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I like this poem, and how you have portrayed Heaven as a dream, rather than as an afterlife. I agree with BellaD, some of your poem was slightly awkward in wording, but it is a beautiful poem, with a lot of emotion in it. Well done
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I get a sense of joy and peace from reading this poem. Some excellent wording such as "painful memories dissolve through the thin sweet air" and the "stony but delicate steps". I think this poem could benefit from a bit of editing such as "my blue but pale eyes"...why not "my pale, blue eyes" as pale does not contradict blue. And this may be picky of me, but I really like your poem, so please accept this criticism as constructive...IF the love you haven't received "hasn't for once risen" then why would you include this particular line? If you tweak this line, perhaps something about the love you never received not being an obstacle (or how love is now fulfilled as you ascend the stony steps). I am merely suggesting a concept not particular wording that you should use. All right, after all my rambling,...beautiful poem. Thank you for entering it.
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Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. And the reason why I put in the part about the love that hadn't for once risen, was because this person was envious about the love that everyone talked about and experienced, while she hadn't. Thanks again x)
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