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Chimes

They that observe lying vanities, forsake their own mercy.
                                                             Jonah 2:8
____________________________________________________________

I have no stomach for intimacies
bred with contempt.  Two lovers may as easily
             entwine with regret
as with fomented enterprise.
                        The fickle pauses
             they enjoy
are all just the same.

On any August evening, when stars
writhe above the sweaty atmosphere
           and mottle the night, flecking

                       phosphenes of heat,
you are as likely to suffer
the concrete fate
             a decrepit blacktop endures, cracked
by plodding indifference,
                      trampled, 
beneath the sole of a faceless stranger.

Take heed –
              weeds prosper in such blight,
seeing as they are fed by an uncomfortable certainty.
A diseased root always will endure
longer than memories
              of indifferent passage.

 

There is no profit to gainsaying oblivion --

             only unsettled arrogance.

You may traipse from this day to the next

inebriated with aspirations of comfort.

            I would caution you to recall, though,

that most dreams end with the dawn.

Why then content yourself
to ignore midnight’s providence?
            No, listen, 
                        listen

to the chimes;
            they groan

with each hour’s agony. Perfect Fs 
whose tonal movements
          winnow the bleak shadows of the present
from tomorrow’s approach.

 

Yes, isn't it strange -- 

it is exactly those same concussions 

that permit time to remove its fangs;

           that permit release

of serpentine constrictions

out of which

           ecstacy

                        is born to pain.

 

Perhaps that is why we still attend the peals--

why we perceive

beauty and harmony

           in the wasted minutes

that flitter away

without regard to the chaos

which suffuses all else in the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

considering further edits

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 91 of 91

  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    you create a very enticing ambiance with this write...taking the reader through the hand an waltzing them through this tapestry of carefully woven verse


  • illusions
    September 18

    Edit | Reply
    what lovely language!! i wasn't sure what to expect from the title of the piece, but i am glad i stopped in to read it. i love your use of space - in the second stanza it is as if the lines are the heat waves that rise off the pavement in the height of summer.

    long poetry escapes me as a writer - i always find myself losing the beauty the longer it goes on...this piece only becomes more beautiful with each word, line, stanza. it is something to aspire to. well done, and congrats on the gold!!

    • NoIQ gold member
      September 18
      Edit | Reply
      What an extraordinarily gracious compliment. Thank you so much!

  • Rowan gold member
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    I missed this one too...
    only bronze? Hmmm. I gotta see what won, know. Exceptional work.

    • Rowan gold member
      June 3
      Edit | Reply
      oh, oops... it is gold. lol. Better put on my glasses.


      • NoIQ gold member
        June 3
        Edit | Reply
        LOL It's all relative. The other contributors to the contest in which I entered this were every bit as much deserving of the gold. In a "pity party," which was the influence for the contest, it helps to be the guy, because we're the center of attention since we also are to blame.

        Seriously, thank you for taking the time to read. It's a delight to see you again Rowan.


  • Heart Sutra
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I missed this one in the contest of 2008! but it is always good to come back around and read your work at any time of year and in any season.

    I hope you are well.


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 26
      Edit | Reply
      Hola Zyra! I am doing fine, thanks. I hope you are as well. I owe you and others a visit myself here in the very near future. Thank you so much for the compliment, especially inasmuch as I share the same sentiment with regards to your own work.


  • myrataal silver member
    February 11
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    Congratulations ...

    on a beautiful Gold.


    Myra


  • new light
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    that was amazing!

    i love the quote at the top,
    very good


  • truembrace
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    it's not often that a poem truly leaves us contemplative in a way that we want to really be in the midst of every line in depth, as it's rare to find both the depth and the best damn use of language to want us to dig further for all the right reasons to indulge in a poem. Granted, there is so much wonderful poetry on this site, but this is one of the few that had me go - "wow, the use of those words put together is tremendous beyond the imagery".

    There is so much to think about in this and that is waht I like most. The form is great but with just rambling in it without core thoughts to keep us captive to the rest of the poem, then the form is a moot point in most instances.

    Great write indeed Monte. It only took about a year for me to pass through your page to read it, but ya know... you really should post more!

    Kim


    • NoIQ gold member
      February 2
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very, very kindly Kim. That comment almost leaves me blushing, which you should recognize is not easy to make me do. Your own talent is well-documented, so I am deeply appreciative of the compliments. I am not expecting to travel as much the next few weeks, so who knows -- maybe I will attempt another composition to ensure that i have at least annual appearances on the site. Seriously, thank you so much for the genuinely wonderful sentiments.


  • bw43
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    boy oh boy my head is boggled. Now I'm glad I left a comment about me taking the LSAT in two weeks, because maybe that will serve as an excuse for not being able to leave a decent comment. The circuits in brain are sizzling from all the studying, and then I read this intricate piece of art with words that I have to look up on dictionary.com, and realize that me typing here means that I have just wasted your time, because I have nothing with any value to actually say, and I have the choice to delete this and never post it, but then that means that I'm talking to myself, and I guess I'd rather waste someone else's time, than to admit that I'm bonkers. Oh my... I hope you don't charge me!!! Ha Ha (you know... since you have that quote about your words and charging people)

    Ok. Let me truly attempt a comment. Or at least an interpretation:


    I like the format. It is aesthetically pleasing to my eyes.... pretty

    ALright - first stanza, totally caught my attention. Though it seems the speaker is looking down and maybe even judging those who just... are intimate for the fun of it. THat's what I caught.

    Moving on.... "trapped between the sole of a faceless stranger" that sounds so... cold... I liked it.

    alright, maybe I'm crazy, but I take this piece to be about meaningless sex and how wrong it is.

    that's what popped into my head. and i'm not projecting because in this very moment i don't relate at all to anything said. it's just simply the impression it gave. about empty pleasure. no satisfaction. i liked the line about most dreams ending with dawn. something to clearly and obvious, yet needing to be stated, because when hearing it (or in the case reading it) it feels like a slap in the face type of thing. like something you know, but so clearly ignore...

    it was pretty to read. i like your words. i hope that reading this with all these new words will help me score better. certainly hope my reading comprehension doesn't freak out and suffer LoL.


    • NoIQ gold member
      February 1
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much. You left far more than a "decent" comment. You left one which rewarded me in several different ways, and I am dutifully grateful. I commend you for embarking on the process of becoming an attorney. Don't let the horror stories of Law School distract you, either. I think they are largely over-stated. Finals can be stressful, but that was true with the undergraduate experience. I am guessing from your comment that you already have a fantastic mind and will do very well in that environment.

      Your assessment that this is about meaningless sex and how wrong it is is dead on. Except that since this was written for a contest on self-pity, I decided to change the perspective from the person experiencing the pity, to the individual who is unapologetically attempting to justify the events (and the meaningless sex), and even to suggest there is no reason to feel self-pity under the circumstances. Sort of an homage to Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress", so to speak. And probably very "male" in attitude, I am sure. Nonetheless, as I said, you grasped the central premise dead on.

      Thank you so very much for that great comment. As I said, it lends me a lot of confidence you will succeed in your academic and professional aspirations.


      • bw43
        February 1
        Edit | Reply
        aww thanks :-) Your confidence in my success has just made me feel so much better! I have been stressing out because the test is next Saturday and I haven't been able to give it "quality studying' the past few hours... and I have been having nightmares about failing it (lol how silly, I know... of all things to have nightmares about, I choose failing a test) Well thank you for your reply :-D


        • NoIQ gold member
          February 1

          Edit | Reply
          I had the same anxieties about the LSAT, so I can relate. Once it's behind you, though, I bet it will seem uneventful. That's because the LSAT doesn't really accurately test the skills you need to be a lawyer, or even to succeed in Law School. Your skills as a writer and deductive reasoning above are probably more accurate guages. So don't stress too much. I know that's easy to say, less easy to apply. Trust me though -- you'll do fine.


  • heartnsoul
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I rather enjoyed the feel and tone of thinking out loud in this particular write. I felt immediately as if I was in the midst of a large gathering observing all around me. Where a gluttenous fest of words are swallowed whole. Not taking the time to let them linger in the synapes, going down emotionless and empty.
    I chuckled when I noticed not only this is a contest entry but the title. LOL

    Congratulations on a well deserved gold. A most thought provoking and enjoyable read.


    • NoIQ gold member
      February 1
      Edit | Reply
      I seem to have overlooked this lovely comment. I am terribly sorry I just now read it. I must have missed the notification while I was traveling (which I was doing in February) I hope you will accept my heartfely thanks two months late. However, I assure you that it brought a smile.

      {Edit] I also wanted to reward the comment by increasing it to five stars , but for some odd reason yours doesn't seem to show any stars that I can increase. Weird. I assure you I wanted to make it five stars.


  • Sheli silver member
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I LOVED IT!

    your first two lines hooked me as well, they drew me right in and never let go until the very end, this is a beautiful, relentless, and melancholy piece, i cannot wait to read more of your work

    have a magnificent day on your piece of the planet

    PEACE


    • NoIQ gold member
      February 1
      Edit | Reply
      In October, when you left this gracious comment, I was preparing for a trial in Los Angeles. I therefore apparently failed to say "thank you" when you left your lovely sentiments. I am soooooo sorry. I just now realized the error, thanks to the fact someone else recently left a comment and I noticed that I never expressed my gratitude to you. I hope you will accept my thanks now, four months late - but nonetheless very sincere.


  • just mercedes gold member
    August 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a poem of generous proportions. I was hauled in by the contradictions in the first sentence - intimacy/contempt, then admired the form of the poem, which paced my reading to allow time for absorbing images.

    I like the poetic distance juxtaposed with intimate tone, like introspection spoken aloud in a dark room.

    I also like the exploration of human condition contrasted with acknowledgement of 'beauty and harmony'.
    I read no pity here, though 'isn't it strange' may be read as regret.

    Well deserving of the gold. I will be back to read more.


    • NoIQ gold member
      August 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Why thank you Pania. I am delighted and touched you that you visited my poetry, and left such a generous comment. Please always feel welcome to say hello in such fashion.


  • Heart Sutra
    April 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Definitely a gold winner. I believe I mentioned something about being the best....


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      There was a lot talent in this contest, so I wouldn't ever deign to describe this as "definitely a gold winner." However, I always am deeply appreciative of your praise, Zayra. That matters more than the trophy


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing! You have crafted this beautifully and your vocabularly is extensive and wonderful! Very worthy of gold indeed!
    I think I shall have to read this over a few times to really absorb all its depth and meaning...

    • NoIQ gold member
      April 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very much for the extremely gracious compliment.


  • Blkwidow77 silver member
    April 20, 2008

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    Well, it's nice to see that you are writing now and again. I like to have something of yours to read. Though once a month, would be better. (hint, hint)

    Judging by the pictures on your page, you seem to still be interesting poetry and things related to it, so I'm wondering why you don't write more often. Or perhaps it is, that you're simply not posting it here.

    Anyhow, beyond that, on your piece. And yes, you may be rusty, but it really doesn't show here, other than the fact that it's a little looser in personal feelings, and less the metaphoric phrasing that you tend to stay behind.

    Ah yes, don't jump me yet. I'm not saying that you've gone and wrote emotionless poems, it's just more that it's rare for you to allow real intimacy in your images and phrasing. Except for maybe in your love poems but I think you've only ever written two of those.

    In speaking directly of this poem, I suppose that it could be taken in several different venues of meaning. It is open enough to be possible that it is talking of many different kinds of things. Perhaps of people who work sketchy 'night jobs' such as pleasure of the flesh and the way they become hard to the life their living.

    Or perhaps it's of business men like you, who work themselves away to nothing, and one day wake to find that their bed is empty and there are no children to coddle, or children that even remember you. So, if this be the case, maybe you're talking to yourself. To wake yourself to the chimes.

    Then again, it could just be you looking out at the world and noticing how everyone is so numb to things anymore. How life is wasted and squandered for nothing.

    Ah well, that's enough of my pointless musing. Beautiful wording, as expected of you. I perticularly liked the wording:

    ~~'I would caution you to recall, though,
    that most dreams end with the dawn'~~


    That was biting and a little catty of you. One of the things that bothered me in this, was the use of the word 'plodding'. It seemed a bit ineloquent compared to the language of the rest of it. I could see how it fit in, I just didn't like the way it sounded.

    At any rate, it has romantic inclinations to it (subtle), so wish thought and a dark turn in here and there. So yes, it appeals to me. It's something I would be happy to come back and read again. It's a nice piece Monte.


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      How fantastic to hear from you again, Blkwidow! I apologize that it has taken me a few days to acknowledge your delightful comment, but I have been in NYC and Boston -- largely enjoying myself this trip (i.e. less for work, more for fun). Your interpretations all have merit in various contexts that I intended -- though keep in mind I also wrote this with the intent of addressing the "pity party" theme of the contest. It's just I didn't quite intend to invoke self-pity, as much as a male's observations of its impact and (perhaps) his own musings on its various sources and "solutions."

      I don't write as much here more because of the site changes that occurred in the fall of 2006 than anything else. Yes, I still pay attention to poetry, and I also still visit the site with regularity. These days, though, it's largely to see what everyone else is doing, as opposed to providing my own work. I don't mean to imply I won't write -- I just don't do it with AP as my chief source these days. I preferred the old format to the new. C'est la vie.

      Thank you again for your wonderful visit and comment.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You post far too infrequently, but when you do it is always worth the wait... this is a very strong, well crafted piece (love the form) and i'm certainly not surprise to see something golden beneath it..

    you write real purty Monte


    al


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      LOLOL -- Thanks Al. Once in a while I luck into writing something I am not ashamed of. I think it must only happen, though, when I take at least three days off from my profession. Otherwise, all my poems begin with the words "Your Honor" and end with the words "Amount Owed: ..."

      Seriously, thank you so much for the kind words and generous comment. The golden thingy really is a shared trophy with my colleagues in the contest. It was left with me because it was the only way the hostess could pay my legal fees for writing anything.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    April 2, 2008

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    I agree with Rowan. I have to read more of your work. If I could give this piece another gold trophy I would...right here and now. Simply stunning poetry.


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 3, 2008
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      Much obliged Faithbound, both for the compliment re reading more of me, and for the extremely generous praise for this piece. I definitely have read your own excellent work elsewhere, so that is high praise. Thank you so much.


  • Allyce May gold member
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Crikey, is there anything I can say that someone hasn't already? Even the comments are making me feel inadequate, let alone the poem!

    Not really sure where you've been hiding, but now I shall hunt you down, MWAHAHA!

    Brilliant poetry, congratulations on the gold


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah, but your own poem which I read should take of any concerns of inadequacy. It was outstanding, and every bit as worthy of praise as this piece. With that talent, you are more than welcome to hunt me down

      Thank you very much for the lovely comment. Yes, I was blessed throughout the process by receiving the thoughts of a lot of brilliant poets, including you.


  • ArtFullyMe silver member
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Why then content yourself
    to ignore midnight’s providence?
    No, listen,
    listen
    to the chimes;
    they groan
    with each hour’s agony.


    I can see that being recited on stage, of course I can't quite get past the need for Shakespearean costumes and high drama included... but I can so see that on stage with the rest of this

    Congratulations on the trophy... though I doubt there was every any other choice for this one.



    • NoIQ gold member
      April 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol -- since it's my words, no doubt the Shakespearian characters best suited to speak the lines are Richard III or Iago, although given my own personal "interests" you also might also make a case for Mercutio, who I particularly like

      And there most certainly were other candidates. LOL. However, I really, really appreciate the kind words.

  • Rowan gold member
    April 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    In a word; stunning. Wow. More than deserving of gold.
    A new face to add to my favorites. (Thanks Suzanne.)
    And thank you NoIQ

    • Suzanne Dia
      April 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply


      I introduced you to someone new!


      • NoIQ gold member
        April 2, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        That's why I ALWAYS crash parties -- even pity parties -- with a bunch of brilliant women.


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well your own piece in this contest was equally worthy of such praise, and supurb. Thank you for the generous comment, but please do not think it is not a mutual sentiment about your own work.


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    After I've read the first line "I have no stomach for intimacies" I had to check again to just make sure I'm on a Monte-page... but wait, then the rest of the poem follows and I've recovered from my initial shock.

    And since I know that you read sex into anything I was looking for hidden elements of it in this poem. Because if you talk about it so often then it must reflect in your writing as well - that's a fair assumption, isn't it?

    And yes, there I see words like enjoy, sweaty, entwine, concussions, fangs, groan, release, and wow, some "Perfect F's" . You did not disappoint, Monte!

    So pardon me if I can't offer any further editing suggestions.. as you know I'm Afrikaans speaking and I prefer simple words like the ones I've mentioned above, lolol.

    No, seriously, this is an awesome poem Monte and it just once again shows your command of language, poetic device and ability to stand back and see society and life through the eyes of a poet. I can only add my applause to this page. There is a really nice (actually I hate that word - so insert your own one there, please) sense of reflection and introspection about this poem - it chimes on a universal level.

    You should write more!! (Man, I tried to keep up with your comments and this one is one of the longest I've ever written, lolol)

    ~ Nicolette


    • NoIQ gold member
      April 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      LOLOL - Kudos, Nicolette. Those expressions and images were there for precisely the reason you surmise, although (as you intimate) not necessarily for the same reason I usually resort to such subject matter. This was written for a "pity party" theme, after all. And I felt that Suzi and all the other women commiserating over their batches of ice cream deserved to hear the circumstances that lead to such misery described from the male point of view. That way I can at least provide solace by confirming that, well, yeah "Men are pigs. But we still love 'em. Dammit! @!*@ ... Grrrrrrr...."

      Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. Yes, I certainly cannot complain that I have not received enough only marvelous comments like your own. I have been truly blessed by the quality of comments on this poem. And yours is certainly well within that sphere of gratifying insight.

      Thank you SO much


  • tara wilson gold member
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is excellent, already...I sent a poem to Lisa, too, and after she edited, the whole thing changed..lmao...for the better, mind you...but I am sure this won't need too much editing


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you kindly. I am considering Lisa's, Lute's and others' suggestions. LOL Some of them conflict with one another to a degree, but I agree they all are excellent. We'll see how this ultimately comes out. Meanwhile, thank you so much for the generous comment.


  • cvillelisa
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply



    Hey Monte,

    I think the title is wonderful. I offer, for your pondering what this Reader found most moving, pertinent - the muscle and blood of this poem:




    On any August evening, when stars
    writhe above the sweaty atmosphere
    and mottle the night, flecking

    phosphenes of heat,
    you are as likely to suffer
    the concrete fate
    a decrepit blacktop endures, cracked
    by plodding indifference,
    trampled,
    beneath the sole of a faceless stranger.

    Take heed –
    weeds prosper in such blight,
    seeing as they are fed by an uncomfortable certainty.
    A diseased root always will endure
    longer than memories
    of indifferent passage.


    You may traipse from this day to the next
    inebriated with aspirations of comfort.
    though,
    most dreams end with the dawn.


    No, listen,
    listen

    to the chimes;
    they groan

    with each hour’s agony. Perfect Fs
    whose tonal movements
    winnow the bleak shadows
    from tomorrow’s approach.

    those same concussions
    that permit time to remove its fangs;

    that permit release
    of serpentine constrictions

    out of which

    ecstacy

    is born to pain.



    There are a few other minor sort of things (for instance:
    whose tonal movements -- i read as those tonal movements but that could be completely incorrect but makes me feel like i hear them more and more like i am involved in the poem).

    and i do keep stopping at sole
    i hope it isn't too clever. i dunno i reserve judgment just yet.

    What I admire about your writing is you are never afraid to take on the Big Ideas. Very welcome here, where so much is written about the ephemeral.


    I've joined another poetry site called the Gazebo you might like to check it out sometime.

    http://www.alsopreview.com/cgi-bin/gazebo/discus.cgi?pg=topics

    Good luck with revisions if you make them.

    Lisa



    • NoIQ gold member
      March 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Lisa. I will consider these suggestions, along with those from Lute below. I value tremendously the effort and thought you put into the exercise, and it makes the whole effort so much more enjoyable and worthwhile. Thank you again!


  • Lute
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    some edits therefore for your consideration:

    you are as likely to suffer
    cut.

    Take heed –
    cut

    I would caution you to recall, though,

    that
    cut.

    Why then content yourself
    to ignore midnight’s providence?
    cut.

    lst line could also be cut it amplifies the previous line.

    As it stands it is a bit pedantic, swerve twords show, let the poem suffuse the reader and the message will be inhaled rather than simply seen.


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the suggestions. I fully appreciate the concern that it might seem pedantic, and therefore will consider making the edits you suggest. It's always a pleasure to have you visit and make such well-reasoned proposals. Thanks so much!


  • cvillelisa
    March 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    This sucker is Big. I like that. I just copied it into a file so I can spend the night with it.

    Be back with a comprehensive comment/critique.


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Somehow, as a guy, it's just so hard to explain how delightful it is to read a comment from a woman that begins: "This sucker is Big. I like that."

      I mean, here's hoping you might say something about my poetry too Lisa

      Seriously, thank you for the visit. That really is its own reward.


  • Mallig gold member
    March 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is brilliant! When I read this, it felt like there was a gear shift after the first three stanzas and the poem just soared to another level and I was just floored. I loved this!


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you most kindly! Those are exceptionally gracious words, and I am quite honored. I just am happy you even accorded me the courtesy of reading this.

  • Heart Sutra
    March 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Look, clearly, you are the best poet around here.

    This is brilliant as usual!


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lolol -- While I am dutifully flattered, I am hardly "the best poet around here" -- certainly not when there are incredible talents like yourself and several others whose comments appear below. I am just happy and satisfied that you like the poem.

  • zara
    March 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    One is tempted to take you seriously. Really. You have a knack for words, of course, and for waxing eloquent.

    But that's not talking about your poem, that's just in general.

    I gotta tell you, the first time I read this (which was last night, as you would know if you had a gold membership - and I don't know if you do, but I would guess not), I was thinking, "Why don't we do it in the road...?" You know, all that pavement, and stars and stuff.

    Then the chimes. Reminding you that you have about a day and a half left to actually say "why don't we..." without some gorgeous woman laughing her ass off at you.

    I don't know. I know that the days I spend doing the nothingness I call fun, I regret by nightfall. That's where your poem took me.

    Pretty Latinate, which, to me, takes a poem into the head and out of the heart/body. The Ango-Saxons, now, they really knew how to grunt out the human experience.

    I'm so delighted to see you posting here, so delighted. I think really you ought to start a blog, because your humour is bloody brilliant.

    Did we not have assignments over in the now-burnt-down burning house? Here's mine for you: write a poem that has no more than three words with more than two syllables. Impossible? Nah! You, if anyone, can do it.

    You know I love ya, right?




    • NoIQ gold member
      March 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      First things first: "write a poem that has no more than three words with more than two syllables"

      God, that's so easy I am astonished you think intelligence is required. Here goes:

      Paris --
      fuck
      me

      Three word poem, only ONE of which words is two syllables. And it describes "Monte love" poetically better than Shakespeare ever could hope to. By the way, you can substitute "Lindsay" or "Britney" for "Paris," even "Nicky" (cause why not keep it in the family) without any violation of the metrical rules. And you thought the exercise would be hard. Pfffah!

      Now, as for your delightful comment. THANK YOU! And yes, you are correct that some images are intentionally Monte-like in the White Album way you suggest. There is, after all, a reason the images largely occur under the stars. Hell, I won't deny it. In the end, when it comes to my poetry, it always comes down to the sex.

      So, what you doing tonight, poet? Did I mention I like shopping at REI?

      • zara
        March 27, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, and I did NOT write the AP message of the day!


        • NoIQ gold member
          March 27, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Oh, I know you didn't write the message of the day. That actually was me. I was commenting on the different ways to use pick up lines, and noting that the way you ask Britney Spears out employs a different vocabulary than used with, say, Natalie Portman. Next thing I know, AP is making me an anonymous source. Go figure...

      • zara
        March 27, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        LOL

        I figured that wasn't clear, but that's ok, you got a poem out anyhow, right? The assignment, though, should you choose to accept, is to write a poem of any length, in which there are no more than 3 multisyllabic words. Maybe it's a bad idea, maybe it'd make a horrible, clunky poem, I dunno.

        This message will self-destruct in fifteen seconds.


        • NoIQ gold member
          March 27, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          How's this then:

          Rub-a-dub-dub!
          Rub-a-dub-dub!
          Three maids in a tub,
          And who do you think were there?
          Paris, Lindsay, and the Spears named Britney,
          One of the three lacked all of her hair!


  • KittenJubilee
    March 25, 2008
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    I love this word: winnow

    teehee


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very much I like "winnow" too, because I like any word that has "win" in it, especially one that tells me the "win" is "now." It's the Vegas in me.


  • ArtFullyMe silver member
    March 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Fabulous.... simply ....fabulous..

    It reads effortless, beautiful on the page, the questions, thoughts, and connections so very much yours ( and wonderful to see again by the way )

    the only thing I wonder about is whether or not 'sweaty' is needed, though I suspect it's a delicate image there, that might require it...

    That's nothing though. This reads as a classic from the beginning to the end, and that is no small feat.

    It would be nice if I could type.


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you tremendously Liza. When a poet of your incredible talent writes something as kind as that comment, it is particularly rewarding. I wanted to use "sweaty" not only to mirror the atmosphere imagically, but to play off a double entendre as to events beneath the stars. I see your point, though, and as noted am considering edits. That one definitely will be considered.

      Meanwhile, though, I cannot express enough my gratitude for the comment you left. It is a sheer delight to read, much like your poetry.


  • porksnorkel
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's really beautiful, monte. There is a tension between the music and the silence, each fighting for the title of "Most Harmonious". All the while, the cacophony chuckles and steals their wallets.


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You and Gill seem both to possess some weird "you're not permitted to increase the star value" prohibition. In any event, I wanted somehow adequately to express my gratitude for your kind words, Ed. When you of all people use the expression "beautiful write," it has surpassing importance and meaning. I am deeply honored, not the least of which reason why is because of the sheer excellence of your own work in this contest. Thank you again, Ed.

      Although I don't steal wallets -- no need to. That's what my attorney billing rates do for me instead, and "legally."


      • porksnorkel
        March 25, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        hahhahha. You jacked my star about 7 times, homes. I got like 500 points or something.


        I had to scroll down about 20 finger-flicks-worth to get to your comment.


        • NoIQ gold member
          March 25, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          What can I say -- I was too excited. At least I had the ability produce "20 finger-flicks-worth." I'm now 44, and it's a good day when I even can recall how to remember what to do here or anywhere else.


  • heartnsoul
    March 25, 2008

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    Lately my brain feeling more like spatzle being pushed through a sieve (I think conversely what it felt like for you writing in wet cement)last night I came online anyway. Low and behold I saw YOU! As I read (knowing the distance between posts) I could almost feel the corner of your mouth take an upward turn. The flickering of a twinkle in your eye. The heat that begins in the core of your brain beginning to take shape and the "ahhh yeees!" feeling a junkie gets on their first high begins to take root as it courses through your veins. Edit?? This is a freaking Mozart moment if ever there was one!! Like spatzle hitting boiling water, the synapses were firing away. I was in my own junkie heaven!! I read and sat back taking it all in,reveling in your words touching visual and damn even the auditory senses! When suddenly out of nowhere I suffered the proverbial brown out!"MOM!!I need to get online I have a debate tomorrow and have to look something up!" Reluctantly, while mumbling expletives I can't share here, I gave up my seat. I wound up actually sleeping on it. So here I am once again.
    Oh do I detect an undercurrent of cynicism? Ah but yes these are the hard realities of life. What astounds me is the fact that as I read the doors swing open wide on all the senses!! The air becomes heavy and gray. I can actually hear the trod of naked feet, the slap of a lifeless rubber soul and the click of talons meeting the pavement. Move further down the page and I find myself staring at the ground. As if I noticed the weeds for the first time. Wanting to yank it out but somewhere in the back of my mind I think, "no you have to wait it out as this just might be a flower." Now tossing and turning in my head, "but what if it is just that a weed and you've allowed it to prosper." Oh the pain of it all!! I look up and see the pervading darkness. Wondering, hoping it is just that...a dream. But if it is a dream I can make it what I want it to be! For this is where dreams begin....or end. Still I move within it...light! Is it light at the end of the tunnel? Or is it "dawning" on me that with the dawn comes a new beginning. What man can dream man can make reality.Right? I press forward, my mind racing. In the distance a pitch in perfect F begins with a low moan that seems to be absorbed and hangs heavy in the moist air filling it with it's echo. Before the last echo is lost in the dark vast space another follows. It becomes so loud my head pounds in excruciating pain and I've find myself fighting it, racing against it for the space it takes. Is it mourning time, or marking it? Am I leaving this space or have I just been born to it? Either way, will I see that in darkness that there is light? That even in death there is beauty. That even in chaos a flower blooms, a reminder that this IS harmony and the beauty of it is its only flittered away if it goes unnoticed.

    Now chances are better than good that I have not even come close to what you were expressing. But this was like having a visual and auditory hallucination! It was soooooooo vivid! I loved it!!! I know when I go back and read once again I will come away with something totally different. The word play will bring about more and more thoughts. That is what excites me about your work. Its like you write out your thoughts and then like sticking your hand on them like one would do in a boneyard of letters, swish them around and say....."There, now let's see what you come up with!" You don't just play with the words, you play with the thoughts! While at the same time, I can feel this devilish grin creep about your face as you knowingly play with the head!!
    Thank you for the ride...reading you is like driving in the rain with the top down!
    Michelle~


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well now -- that's what I call a remarkable comment Michelle; one that is deeply appreciated beyond the mere thoughts I can relay here. Yes, you are astute on several levels, particularly regarding the cynicism of the piece and recognition of the double entendres that appear in places (such as with your correct surmise about the dual meaning to the choice of the word "dawn"). You are also spot on in assuming that I intended more than one message. And for that, please don't fret that a child took precedence over your reading this piece; I would have it no other way. Besides, you accorded me the phenomenal courtesy of returning later to produce the wonderful comment I find above. It is such insight and feeling that reminds why I have been so unconscionably absent from this place for too long. Thank you so much for that absolutely treasured comment.

  • Suzanne Dia
    March 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    You are such a good poet, Monte, I've missed reading you. This had tendrils of tension that etched themselves into my mind. I even heard the chimes.

    I personally don't think this needs edits..

    thank you thank you for being the only boy (and smart for it!!! ) so far to join the pity party.

    Grab a pint of ice cream ..cozy up to us girls and dig in


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      roflmao -- Ummmmm. Suzanne, I think EdP will be alarmed to learn you don't think he's a boy

      Seriously, thank you kindly for the words. It was a delight to use your inspirational vehicle as a means to try and write something new.

      FYI -- my bud Burning House was, and still is, independently considering entering an homage to Mr. T ("pity the fool") and the A-Team

      • Suzanne Dia
        March 25, 2008

        Edit | Reply


        i feel dumb

        looking forward to the pity the fool


        • NoIQ gold member
          March 25, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          I always feel dumb. It's the best way to feel. When you feel smart, you discover how dumb you really are

          That's why those of us of Irish descent invented and adore Guinness. With enough Guinnesss, you become really stupid without feeling anything at all


  • jantastic gold member
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I'll jump on the "nice to see you posting bandwagon"

    You know, I haven't been up long and was dreaming before I woke up and, not because of that, but aptly, the caution of dreams ending at dawn stood out to me as I read.

    Great tone, a slight satirical feel, and of course you always use your healthy vocabulary to its fullest without alienating the reader.

    The bells, the bells...


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you kindly, as always, Jan. I figured that even if I butchered the poetry, SOMEONE had to write a piece for a pity party from the perspective of those who catalyze the need for self-pity in the first place. You know, sort of a "Pigs of the world, Unite!" sort of work.

      Seriously, it was quite enjoyable to brush off the cobwebs that are my thoughts, and take on my own apathy this weekend. Comments like yours make the effort quite worthwhile.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    damnit!!!! he's back!!!

    gosh

    I shall be back with some kind of legible comment but for the moment I revel in that harmony and beauty can fritter and flitter away like dancing butterflies in my head

    suffused into my coffee .... welcome you red under the bed

    hahahha at least no beckham mania now... although that little shit Ronaldo will upset my equilibrium at times


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah thank you Gill -- for some reason this damn system is not allowing me to give you five stars. I think that just proves Kevin is a closet Manchester United fan

      This year's FA Cup has me entertained like no other. I saw and enjoyed immensely Barnsley's defeat of Chelsea. Then I saw the Portsmouth result, and I was nearly in tears laughing. Cardiff City v. West Brom, and Barnsley v. Portsmouth???? Are you kidding me. It's like the ultimate revenge of the League Championship, but it definitely is entertaining.

      Anyway, I deeply appreciate your comment. I saw before I signed off last night that you too have a poem in this contest. I intend to read it, and try and catch up some on the other works I have been so remiss in enjoying


  • misselaineous
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your word choices are just beautiful
    well worth the very long wait
    elaine


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Elaine -- what a wonderful surprise! It's a great delight to have you pay a visit to one of my works (such as it is). Thank you so much!

  • luvdrkchocolate
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I can't remember the last time I've seen you post something. It's been so long that I've forgotten what you're writing is like. You really have a strong way of phrasing your words. I can tell that you're very educated. I like the way that you played with the spacing on this too. I don't think I've seen anyone do that before and it really put a kind of emphasis on it or something. Lestways, that's how I took it. My favorite lines were 'I have no stomach for intimacies
    bred with contempt.' They are very strong words and it really made me stop and think of what you might mean by that. I supposed you could mean a lot of different things by it. Also I really liked your title but I'm still trying to figure out how it really connects. But maybe it's just because it's late. lol You've got a lot going on in this and I think I need to come back and read it a few more times. I hope you write again soon!


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you so much, sincerely. Yes, it has been ages since I undertook the effort to write -- but I figured I had no further excuse for my apathy. So why not write about self-pity -- or at least about indicting self-pity, LOL. As for the title, consider that "chimes" has more than its most well-known meaning of bell-ringing, and instead can refer to the act of provoking argument (i.e. "chime in"). That may help understand the relationship to the rest of the piece . In any event, as always thank you so much for your wonderful and deeply appreciated comments.


  • secberm
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, brother. One.

    Dez


    • NoIQ gold member
      March 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Well thank you very much Dez. It's always a particularly pleasure to have you visit my works. I almost can forgive you for annual preparations to root (futilely, I may add) for the Yankees.

  • Shannon
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You win.

    Well, first of all I was really, really excited to see something from NoIq when I signed on. I don't even remember the last time that occurred. Secondly, let me start by saying what I noticed immediately upon reading:

    1) Your use of space and line-breaks in this is perfect--well fitted and serves the content well. Especially:

    The fickle pauses
    they enjoy
    are all just the same.

    It really slowed the tempo down and of course, drew attention even more to the subject matter/what is being expressed. And since it happened early on in the poem, that made the work all the more effective for the reader (great use of spacial/sound/break manipulation). Of course the technique is carried on throughout, but I won't waste time pointing out each one.

    2) The language is actually quite playful. I immediately was impressed with the word choice, but upon second/third reading I even began to see an underlying playfulness with the language...which gives this poem another layer, juxtaposed with the theme, etc. By this I mean your choices such as: "phosphene" for the "mottled" summer night sky...brings to mind all sorts of associations...I think kids do that a lot at night, lying in bed, creating a little theatre of stars in their eyelids (or maybe that was just me) but also the whole idea of illusion with it all...the appearance of something "fickle," as it were.
    "blacktop" -- just like the word choice, closely followed by "plodding" which, for me, brings to mind "plotting" or "plot" of land. Also, loved the use if "winnow" as in, separating the chaff? Well, either way, loved it, etc etc. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. All of these words play off one another, and in a way, even work to create their own dance, or illusion, so that there is for sure something there, something quite there, but it's not solid, or attainable, almost like the pauses, the stars behind eyelids, all things quickly morphing into something else.

    Man, but it is rather halting. (reinforced with the "No, no listen"
    with, actually, the first auditory description here, the chimes. Kind of eerie.

    Still, I think the first line of the poem says a lot in terms of the poem as a whole, with it's rather strategic line-break:

    "I have no stomach for intimacies"

    YAY! Monte wrote a poem!

    Yeah, I liked it.



    • NoIQ gold member
      March 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lolol -- you are correct to read an intended playfulness with word choice and meaning - particularly double entendre. It's been a while since I wrote anything (or at least completed what I started to write). It therefore felt like writing in wet cement to complete this piece, given the rustiness of my poetry. I really appreciate the very generous and kind words Shannon It was a pleasure to try again - for better or worse. Thank you for the support in goading me into making the effort.

      • Shannon
        March 24, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        yeah, yeah. Stop bragging about never writing and then producing something as "mediocre" as this. Perhaps I should get a stick and try and compose in cement...then maybe I could write something "mediocre" too. lol


        • NoIQ gold member
          March 24, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Anyone who has ever read your poetry knows it's anything but mediocre. Besides that, I happen tohave read some excellent limericks that were composed in wet cement and left for posterity on sidewalks.

          However, the best ones can be found in the right bathroom stalls.

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