She is always cheerful, always gleaming.
Except when you don't see her- She's in her bedroom screaming.
She knows just how to feed the crowd,
Dusting them with her love- She feels alive and proud.
Charming the world with her so called grace,
Starts to take it's toll- how can she keep face?
When she's alone, too bleh to go out,
She feels the world's pain and begins to doubt.
"I cannot do this - I am really trying,
Why can't I get out of bed and stop crying!"
They never see this side- so when she exclaims-
"I just want a bullet to fly right through my brains!"
They do not understand what has brought this about,
She's usually carefree- now it's hope she's without.
But when she starts to explain her dispair,
They stare at her blankly- it's not that they don't care.
I think that for them - it is too difficult to see,
The pain that she has cannot be fixed with tea.
For the same thing that makes her so enthralling,
Now leaves her on the floor- it's 9-1-1 they're calling.
Author notes
Lotus-Mama
Option Five
Quote Prompt: "I never thought I'd die alone, I laughed the loudest who'dve known"
_______________________________________
Conest: Richard Cory
Link to the poem:
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/4684-Edwin-Arlington-Robinson-Richard-Corey
A contest entry
- Richard Cory by Yemassee.
1700 points, ended March 26, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Human Shapes Burned On Concrete Walls-x by Dead Star--x.
525 points, ended March 27, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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oh wow im crying.*dabs tear* well done!
Mylee -
Still i cry!
just keep talking i am here and understand !
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So sad and very touching here, how many girls can relate so this so much, the other side of them that is called pain and suffering...
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Sad but true!
This made me have tears in my eyes. You make it so real!
Harmony -
i like that story its a bit sad
a girl misunderstood & very lost & sad
♥
Dead star--x -
You did a good job with this, I am glad that you took Yemassee's suggestion not to use contractions (as I can assume you did change that, or the comment would be invalid
) because they do often confuse readers, especially those that don't understand the meaning of the contracted word.
The image of a person, depressed in private yet sunny when in the public eye, is one many people can relate to and you have written and structured this work in such a way as to express both the image and the underlying feelings very well, the rhyme doesn't feel forced and does help to shape the poem well.
Congratulations on your work, it is not often I enjoy reading poems on this site that refer to suicide, but I did enjoy this one.
Adrian
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OPPPS!
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These complete nit wits like the one below run their moronic contest and them verbally abuse the contestants.
For some one supposedly older the wise part never kicked in.
The poem is your thoughts which I thought you did a fine job expressing your feelings. It was a good story with lots and lots of imagination. This person below should be on a ledge somewhere. Just block the lunatic and carry on. There are so many here with no talent. I read one of his and he should really change hobbies...maybe fishing or trying to figure out which one is which, his ass or his elbow. Poetry can't be wrong, just misunderstood. AND by all the simpletons on this site, misunderstandings are abound. You see people like that are not writers, they are just assholes with a computer and no job.
Carry on gypsy, never let the assholes of this world discourage you.
MANY BLESSINGS,
LOWELL POE -
It's a modern take on the Robinson poem, dramatized to fit AllPoetry's popular milieu. But unlike most of that genre, this is somewhat better written. I don't like non-standard contractions like, "Xcept" (line 2) I don't really think it has a place in serious writing, but that's just one word and not of a great significance.
While I find the topic a bit extravagant, it's saved by some depth, cursory but at least attempting to look at the cause of the pain, and more importantly, the conflict between she and her loved ones.
When I was young they called that a generation gap. Not sure they use that phrase anymore, but it seems that gap is wider now than it ever was when I was a teenager.
Thanks for entering the contest.
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