Once Upon a time

Author notes

Sorry itas so long...

A contest entry

• Tell me a Story by TabbyCat. 750 points, ended April 2, 2008, 44 entries
  • next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

• By me, right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  TabbyCat
  March 27, 2008
  Edit | Reply
  It's not that long...And It expressed feelings most girls can relate to. Thanks!
• 
  AddenLee
  March 24, 2008
  
  Edit | Reply
  Suggestions if you want them or revising:
  A new stanza starting at ln 11.
  
  Ln 21-31 I had to read over and over to understand, if this is a purposeful effect bravo, if not re think the wording or something, but as is, it made my head spin.
  
  A minor thing that I would just like for you to try and see if you like or not, in ln 37 and 38, if you had the live at the end of 37 instead of starting line 38, I'm curious how it would effect the reader when they got to the end.
  
  Koo-doe points:
  The short line sound given to the poem in its structure made me think and got me enthralled in reading between the lines. The poem began capturing me and I believe it was a large part to how it sounded as I read it out loud. Another point on structure, is I keep wondering after reading it if there is meant to be a form in the way it is write, like a picture hidden int he lines or anything. Just curious if there is.
  
  I like the poem on the most part and I hope you great luck in the contest. Keep up with this writing style, I think you have a knack for story telling poetry.
• • 
    technicolor girl
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank You(I think) I like your Icon ^-^
• 
  sparkling-assassin
  March 24, 2008
  Edit | Reply
  confusssinnng. lol yeah
• • 
    technicolor girl
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Ya....sorry bout that.

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