Drenched in this darkness,
Dripping with fear,
I scream into the pitch,
Does anyone hear?
I'm trembling and still,
Against the red spattered wall.
Can I reach for your hand,
Or will I slip and fall?
My heart still beating,
Staggered and slow,
Quicken me once more,
Let the blood flow.
A pounding head in rhythm,
To the beat of a breaking heart.
A tell tale sign of panic,
That must be ripped apart.
From this Hell you emerge
With a smile and a tear.
You reach for my hand,
Then disappear.
Author notes
Option #5
A contest entry
- Relationships..pain and happiness! by SuiCiDaLKiSs.
410 points, ended June 9, 2008, 40 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rain by kales4.
450 points, ended July 21, 2008, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Your poetry is extremely intense and almost excruciating in a sense. An excellent write indeed, and a painful pleasure to read.
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Immaculate flow and rhythm
A great poem which I can totally relate to in every single way. Beautiful and vivid imagery.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x
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nice, i like the flow and the rhyme. good job and good luc
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this is very well wrote despite alittle over used on the commas and you randomly capitalized the Hell in line 17, but the poem itself was well wrote and not as cliche as i thought it would be, thanks for entering
all my love
kitty xx -
I love it, a dark love. Thats the only way to go my friend. Good job and good luck.
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Spellcheck on 'rhythm'.
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A great poem with a lot of feeling and depth. Well done and thank you for entering my contest.
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Oh very nice flow Definately reminds me of poe
This is a very dark piece, kinda leaves you feeling helpless ya know. Good job! thanks for entering and good luck! -
thank you for entering my contest. I love the flow and rhyme of this poem. The last stanza i love sooooooooo much. Excellent write and good luck
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blissfully painful
your words flow from within about pain and anguish along with a loss that you felt so very deep and hard to which your dreams may haunt the truth to hide the loss,,,blessings of laughter,life,love and light....Fire Storm
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Very Poe-wellian. Dark and fun!
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arghhh!
beautiful piece..i love poetry that rhymes...i enjoyed reading this piece...i loved the flow...good luck!
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AMAZING
This is an excellent and amazing entry for the contest.
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This is amazing. You commented on one of my poems that you liked the rhyming best? I think I could say the same for this. Your words flow perfectly into the rhythm and make it almost to impossible to stop reading until you reach the end. I immediately picked this poem to read, not only cause it was on top but because I saw a reference to Poe. I love E.A. Poe. You slipped him in this one as well with the "Does anyone hear?"
I love it. I'll definitely have to take the time to read more of your poems. I have to admit I sometimes forget. I just post poems on here to keep track and forget to read other people's work. I'm so selfish.
Anyways! Good luck in the contest. Hope you win!
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omg intense and haunting...in a bloody brilliantly written way.
I hope you do well in the contest with this , it deserves it
Cindy
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The imagery is so vivid and intense. The pain is there for sure. I love this part:
From this Hell you emerge
With a smile and a tear.
You reach for my hand,
Then disappear.
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